Karma
If at first you don't succeed...50 total reviews
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Janilou,
This is such a creative and clever story for the flash fiction contest and I was engaged from the first line to the last. I had to laugh when the protagonist said he hoped not to come back as her pet crow again. Then the last line...Aw, crap, crap! Caw! Caw! I'm still laughing. Well done and good luck in the contest....blessings, chey
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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Hi Janilou,
This is such a creative and clever story for the flash fiction contest and I was engaged from the first line to the last. I had to laugh when the protagonist said he hoped not to come back as her pet crow again. Then the last line...Aw, crap, crap! Caw! Caw! I'm still laughing. Well done and good luck in the contest....blessings, chey
Comment Written 21-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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Thanks, Chey Glad you enjoyed it. :-)
Jan
Comment from Stacia Ann
I like the title!
The first paragraph is a little ambiguous and took a second read to fully get: intriguing, however, rather than confusing.
It truly is karma:)
Like how you communicate some complex relationships and themes while being funny in a very short space. Nice work!
Only real "nit":
in the second paragraph, with "I roll them across the drive way...," the antecedent, what is referred to, for "them" is not clear. I suggest you use "the bottle caps" and make up the word count by deleting "well" after "if I wasn't..." or one of the "crap"s or "caw"s at the end.
Overall very strong, however.
Stacia
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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I like the title!
The first paragraph is a little ambiguous and took a second read to fully get: intriguing, however, rather than confusing.
It truly is karma:)
Like how you communicate some complex relationships and themes while being funny in a very short space. Nice work!
Only real "nit":
in the second paragraph, with "I roll them across the drive way...," the antecedent, what is referred to, for "them" is not clear. I suggest you use "the bottle caps" and make up the word count by deleting "well" after "if I wasn't..." or one of the "crap"s or "caw"s at the end.
Overall very strong, however.
Stacia
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Thank you so much. I fixed that nit. :-) Your terrific review is much appreciated.
Jan
Comment from adewpearl
She handed me that damn apple, and - I added the comma
You work the required contest words in well without forcing them, and you stay well within the word limits
I very much enjoyed the humor of this story narrated from the point of view of the dearly departed :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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She handed me that damn apple, and - I added the comma
You work the required contest words in well without forcing them, and you stay well within the word limits
I very much enjoyed the humor of this story narrated from the point of view of the dearly departed :-) Brooke
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Thank you so much! :-) Glad you enjoyed it, Brooke. I added that comma you added. LOL Thanks for catching that.
Jan
Comment from Charade
It took me a couple minutes to get that you meant his heart stopped literally. That is funny about the screaming neighbor!
This is funny, and I think you've captured how men think really well :)
I wouldn't mind reading more. Even though I'm not into karma, I like the way you've written this in such a humorous light. Will you do more with this after the contest?
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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It took me a couple minutes to get that you meant his heart stopped literally. That is funny about the screaming neighbor!
This is funny, and I think you've captured how men think really well :)
I wouldn't mind reading more. Even though I'm not into karma, I like the way you've written this in such a humorous light. Will you do more with this after the contest?
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Thank you very much. Glad to hear you enjoyed this. If you enjoy humor fiction, you can read my recent short story, "All Dressed In White." :-)
Jan
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Thanks, I will read it as I get time :)
Comment from highlander104
LOL! You certainly made my day with this one. Maude should know the cardinal sin she committed dumping hubbie's prize bottle cap collection. And he's still trying to torment her when she gets on his nerves. (lol) Best one yet.
Jean K.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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LOL! You certainly made my day with this one. Maude should know the cardinal sin she committed dumping hubbie's prize bottle cap collection. And he's still trying to torment her when she gets on his nerves. (lol) Best one yet.
Jean K.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Thank you so very much, Jean! I am delighted and honored to receive this six-star review. Many, many thanks! So glad you enjoyed it that much.
Jan
Comment from Cookie333
This one read so well that I forgot it was a contest entry. I assume you have incorporated all the necessary words for the contest. This was a joy to read an I thank you for sharing your craft with us
K
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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This one read so well that I forgot it was a contest entry. I assume you have incorporated all the necessary words for the contest. This was a joy to read an I thank you for sharing your craft with us
K
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Much appreciated! :-) I certainly did use all the words, although I didn't win the contest. LOL So glad you enjoyed reading this.
Jan
Comment from visionary1234
ooh well done! what an original story, with a GREAT, witty twist at the end! Loved the tongue-in-cheek 'storyteller' style - the crow was priceless! :)Sharyn
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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ooh well done! what an original story, with a GREAT, witty twist at the end! Loved the tongue-in-cheek 'storyteller' style - the crow was priceless! :)Sharyn
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Thank you so much! :-)
Jan
Comment from ELumpkins
Too bad about the crow. didn't know crows collected bottle tops, and in the right amount of words too, including the right amount of words including all the required words.
great work
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Too bad about the crow. didn't know crows collected bottle tops, and in the right amount of words too, including the right amount of words including all the required words.
great work
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Thanks. Was there any particular reason for the four stars? Just wondering. :-)
Jan
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The reason for the four stars is quite simple, I hit the wrong key. I never realized I had done that until I read your reply. Sorry about that I will be more alert next time.
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LOL That's okay. Your review sounded so positive, I thought I'd ask. You can change it if you feel so inclined ... just go back to the story and adjust the rating.
:-)
Comment from EMB
If I didn't know the facts, I'd swear that this contest required writers to use the entire phrase "The jury is out" because it's used so many times with the entries. Haha!
A nice story, though. :)
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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If I didn't know the facts, I'd swear that this contest required writers to use the entire phrase "The jury is out" because it's used so many times with the entries. Haha!
A nice story, though. :)
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Thank you so much! :-)
Jan
Comment from denhagan
This was an interesting short story that had a clever ending to it. Met all the word requirements of the contest. Appropriate picture to go with story.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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This was an interesting short story that had a clever ending to it. Met all the word requirements of the contest. Appropriate picture to go with story.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Thanks! :-)
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You're welcome
