Family
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Ballpark Blues"Personal poems
15 total reviews
Comment from mrsmajor
Shucks, those players must not have been happy, because of the weather, but the guys in the pub seem to be having a good time...I enjoyed that you used enjambment so the poem can be read as conversation...I think the rhymes were well thought out...thanks for sharing this with us, it was a fun read to me...
Warmly,
Victoria
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Shucks, those players must not have been happy, because of the weather, but the guys in the pub seem to be having a good time...I enjoyed that you used enjambment so the poem can be read as conversation...I think the rhymes were well thought out...thanks for sharing this with us, it was a fun read to me...
Warmly,
Victoria
Comment Written 27-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Thank you Victoria. I glad you enjoyed it.
You are most welcome, I certainly did!
Comment from Sararb
A baseball game being rained out is a big disappointment to many. All my kids were involved in little league when they were young, and I can remember a lot of disappointment when it rained. Great job! Sararb :)
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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A baseball game being rained out is a big disappointment to many. All my kids were involved in little league when they were young, and I can remember a lot of disappointment when it rained. Great job! Sararb :)
Comment Written 27-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Thanks Sara. The little league would be the same, less the pub.
Comment from adewpearl
Solid use of mono-rhyming
excellent use of enjambment to keep the poem flowing, which is especially important in mono-rhyming to de-emphasize the rhymes at the end of the lines
good humor in describing the fans getting drunk at the bar as the speaker wonders if the game will have a chance to be played in iffy weather :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Solid use of mono-rhyming
excellent use of enjambment to keep the poem flowing, which is especially important in mono-rhyming to de-emphasize the rhymes at the end of the lines
good humor in describing the fans getting drunk at the bar as the speaker wonders if the game will have a chance to be played in iffy weather :-) Brooke
Comment Written 26-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Thank you Brooke, this was a wonderful detailed review.
Comment from Hawaiian Mermaid
Aloha Treischel,
Wow it's amazing how it knows how to rain when you are wanting to have fun. You did so well explaining your feeling of the day in poem. I hope a sunny day for you tomorrow.
Have a blessed day.
Aloha, Ginger
Hawaiian Mermaid
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Aloha Treischel,
Wow it's amazing how it knows how to rain when you are wanting to have fun. You did so well explaining your feeling of the day in poem. I hope a sunny day for you tomorrow.
Have a blessed day.
Aloha, Ginger
Hawaiian Mermaid
Comment Written 26-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Thank you Ginger, may the sun shine on you too.
Comment from L. Sherman
Great example of a mono-rhyme poem. The lines all work together to form a cohesive story and paint a clear picture of what's happening. Not always easy to do with this form, but you nailed it.
I do hope the game was able to continue.
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Great example of a mono-rhyme poem. The lines all work together to form a cohesive story and paint a clear picture of what's happening. Not always easy to do with this form, but you nailed it.
I do hope the game was able to continue.
Comment Written 25-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Thanks Lisa, yup, the game went on.
Comment from robina1978
I always love mono-rhyme and you used it well here. A catching title and I learned a few more new words. Cursing is not that weirs with all that happened.
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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I always love mono-rhyme and you used it well here. A catching title and I learned a few more new words. Cursing is not that weirs with all that happened.
Comment Written 25-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Thanks Ine. Glad you enjoyed it.
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most welcome as always, Ine
Comment from Preston McWhorter
Excellent poem that follows the mono-rhythm perfectly. It has excellent imagery and flow. I could almost sense the author's frustration over the game delay.
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Excellent poem that follows the mono-rhythm perfectly. It has excellent imagery and flow. I could almost sense the author's frustration over the game delay.
Comment Written 25-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Thanks Preston. The game did resume.
Comment from twinklepoems
I love mono-rhymes. I like this one about the baseball game. Good rhyme scheme. I guess I wonder about the meter because it seemed a little all over the place, a couple 8 syllables and then a nine or ten syllable which threw me off because your meter is usually so steady.
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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I love mono-rhymes. I like this one about the baseball game. Good rhyme scheme. I guess I wonder about the meter because it seemed a little all over the place, a couple 8 syllables and then a nine or ten syllable which threw me off because your meter is usually so steady.
Comment Written 25-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Thanks twinklepoem. I was in a rush, getting ready to head out of town for the weekend.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Hi Tom,
This is well penned and I laughed and smiled at your last line - It just seemed out of character to the "you" I know on FS:) Great work and your rhymes were perfect.
Thanks for sharing my friend.
Maureen
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Hi Tom,
This is well penned and I laughed and smiled at your last line - It just seemed out of character to the "you" I know on FS:) Great work and your rhymes were perfect.
Thanks for sharing my friend.
Maureen
Comment Written 24-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Thank you Maureen. O ly when I'm greatly annoyed.
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LOL That made me laugh too:)
Hope you had lots of fun on your camping trip:)
Hugs
Maureen
Comment from Gungalo
Well, most of the fans have gotten plowed,
At sheltered bar, under which I'm bowed,
While swearing curses quite out loud.
Awesome Tom to have mono-rhymed this. Don't you just love it? I find it very rewarding once I'm done with a good piece.
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Well, most of the fans have gotten plowed,
At sheltered bar, under which I'm bowed,
While swearing curses quite out loud.
Awesome Tom to have mono-rhymed this. Don't you just love it? I find it very rewarding once I'm done with a good piece.
Comment Written 24-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Thank you Gungalo. Yes, it is fun.
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Smile.
