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Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "Pirates Plight"Personal poems
16 total reviews
Comment from Adora Bayles
Treischel, I could care less about tetra, penta or any other meter. This is a great piece of work. I see no reason to abandon the old English and its elegant rhythms. I ain't no poet but when it happens, I don't meter. I'm horrible at math. Just you keep on writing Shakesperean poetry. I love it!
Conni
aka Adora
reply by the author on 23-May-2013
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Treischel, I could care less about tetra, penta or any other meter. This is a great piece of work. I see no reason to abandon the old English and its elegant rhythms. I ain't no poet but when it happens, I don't meter. I'm horrible at math. Just you keep on writing Shakesperean poetry. I love it!
Conni
aka Adora
Comment Written 23-May-2013
reply by the author on 23-May-2013
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Thank you Adora. I'll keep that in mind as the Muse allows.
Comment from Shaun Hess
I must say! This is very well written. It flowed nearly close to flawlessly and I didn't hit one bump in the road. This is the first 6-star I've given and this poem is well deserving!
reply by the author on 23-May-2013
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I must say! This is very well written. It flowed nearly close to flawlessly and I didn't hit one bump in the road. This is the first 6-star I've given and this poem is well deserving!
Comment Written 23-May-2013
reply by the author on 23-May-2013
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Thank you so much Shaun. I am duly honored.
Comment from Liberty Justice
Beautiful, mysterious. Certainly a show of thrilling encountered with a lover. Yet, wanting to be close but leaving, anyway. Your words are filled with metaphors and dynamic mysterious descriptions of the setting.
Liberty Justice
reply by the author on 23-May-2013
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Beautiful, mysterious. Certainly a show of thrilling encountered with a lover. Yet, wanting to be close but leaving, anyway. Your words are filled with metaphors and dynamic mysterious descriptions of the setting.
Liberty Justice
Comment Written 23-May-2013
reply by the author on 23-May-2013
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Thank you Liberty. It was a fun write.
Comment from Gungalo
I do confess, that I shall miss
Her probing hands and soft sweet kiss.
Adieu!
Well congratulations Tom, you won a contest. Yippeeeeeeeee! And with what a write.
reply by the author on 21-May-2013
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I do confess, that I shall miss
Her probing hands and soft sweet kiss.
Adieu!
Well congratulations Tom, you won a contest. Yippeeeeeeeee! And with what a write.
Comment Written 21-May-2013
reply by the author on 21-May-2013
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Thank you Gungalo. Yes, at last.
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Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!
Comment from ~Dovey
I liked your take on betrayal with the pirate theme. The vernacular you chose to complete the faux Shakespearean theme was perfect for the occasion. Excellent work. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 21-May-2013
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I liked your take on betrayal with the pirate theme. The vernacular you chose to complete the faux Shakespearean theme was perfect for the occasion. Excellent work. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-May-2013
reply by the author on 21-May-2013
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Thank you so much Dovey. I won the contest!
Comment from 9999pool
We are pirates of the night especially when it comes to love. many men will run away on the mention of marriage. Sometimes when we meet love, we don't know for sure if it's real. So to live beyond doubt, we chose to run away as in this story.
Good write and well expressed.
Cheerio, Ritchie. Congrats on winning the contest.
reply by the author on 20-May-2013
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We are pirates of the night especially when it comes to love. many men will run away on the mention of marriage. Sometimes when we meet love, we don't know for sure if it's real. So to live beyond doubt, we chose to run away as in this story.
Good write and well expressed.
Cheerio, Ritchie. Congrats on winning the contest.
Comment Written 20-May-2013
reply by the author on 20-May-2013
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Thank you Ritchie. yo ho ho!
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Yo ho ho! My pirate ship wrecked near James Bond island is waiting for you my friend. So pack up and get the yo ho ho for real, smiles.
Cheerio, Ritchie.
Comment from jppoet
HI TOM, A WELL-SCULPTED SONNET -- WITH SOME RESERVATIONS.
1) WHILE YOU DID SUCCEED IN CHALLENGING YOURSELF WITH A SONNET, --AND WELL YOU DID -- I BELIEVE YOU HAVE SOMEWHAT SKIRTED THE "BETRAYAL" CONTEST RULE. BECAUSE YOU FLED FROM THAT LADY AFTER "INTERMINGLING BODILY JUICES" WITH HER, IS NOT REALLY AN ACT OF BETRAYAL BUT OF SURVIVAL NECESSITY.
IN FACT, IT'S ALREADY A STRETCH TO IMAGINE YOU HAD THE TIME
AND OPPORTUNITY FOR CORPOREAL ENGAGEMENT AFTER SHE
LIBERATED YOUR HANDS. WHERE WERE THE SEVERAL HANGMEN AFTER SHE FREED YOU? SURELY ARMED, THEY WOULD HAVE CAPTURED YOU
OR HER. ASSUMING YOU BOTH ESCAPED AND "THEN" "GOT PHYSICAL",
WHERE'S THE BETRAYAL IN YOUR FLIGHT? PROBABLY MARRIED HERSELF --TO ONE OF THE HANGMEN?--, MAYBE SHE ONLY WANTED A QUICKIE AND HAPPY TO SEE YOU GO. ELSE DISAPPOINTMENT AT BEST, NOT BETRAYAL.
OTHER MINOR POINTS
TWAS AND TWOULD ARE CONTRACTIONS FOR "IT", thus MISUSED HERE, NO? OR WERE THEY INTENTIONAL TO IMPART a "FAUX-WILLY"
LOOK?
"PROBING" LOOKS AND SNIFFS LIKE A FORCED 2-SYLABLE WORD.
MANY STRONGER OPTIONS THERE, E,G,
"HER FREEING HANDS
"HER TENDER ..
WITH RATEFUL RESERVATION FOR THE WOEBEGOTTEN "BETRAYAL" LAPSE, I MUST ACCORD THIS 4-STARS. HAD THE POEM BEEN A STAND-ALONE, FREE OF ITS CONTEST RULE, I MAY HAVE CONSIDERED six!! (ANYWAY TO MAKE THE LIBERATOR HIS WIFE?. THAT WOULD BE CLOSER TO BETRAYAL BUT, EVEN THERE, SHE WOULD WANT HIM TO FLEE!! JOHN
reply by the author on 20-May-2013
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HI TOM, A WELL-SCULPTED SONNET -- WITH SOME RESERVATIONS.
1) WHILE YOU DID SUCCEED IN CHALLENGING YOURSELF WITH A SONNET, --AND WELL YOU DID -- I BELIEVE YOU HAVE SOMEWHAT SKIRTED THE "BETRAYAL" CONTEST RULE. BECAUSE YOU FLED FROM THAT LADY AFTER "INTERMINGLING BODILY JUICES" WITH HER, IS NOT REALLY AN ACT OF BETRAYAL BUT OF SURVIVAL NECESSITY.
IN FACT, IT'S ALREADY A STRETCH TO IMAGINE YOU HAD THE TIME
AND OPPORTUNITY FOR CORPOREAL ENGAGEMENT AFTER SHE
LIBERATED YOUR HANDS. WHERE WERE THE SEVERAL HANGMEN AFTER SHE FREED YOU? SURELY ARMED, THEY WOULD HAVE CAPTURED YOU
OR HER. ASSUMING YOU BOTH ESCAPED AND "THEN" "GOT PHYSICAL",
WHERE'S THE BETRAYAL IN YOUR FLIGHT? PROBABLY MARRIED HERSELF --TO ONE OF THE HANGMEN?--, MAYBE SHE ONLY WANTED A QUICKIE AND HAPPY TO SEE YOU GO. ELSE DISAPPOINTMENT AT BEST, NOT BETRAYAL.
OTHER MINOR POINTS
TWAS AND TWOULD ARE CONTRACTIONS FOR "IT", thus MISUSED HERE, NO? OR WERE THEY INTENTIONAL TO IMPART a "FAUX-WILLY"
LOOK?
"PROBING" LOOKS AND SNIFFS LIKE A FORCED 2-SYLABLE WORD.
MANY STRONGER OPTIONS THERE, E,G,
"HER FREEING HANDS
"HER TENDER ..
WITH RATEFUL RESERVATION FOR THE WOEBEGOTTEN "BETRAYAL" LAPSE, I MUST ACCORD THIS 4-STARS. HAD THE POEM BEEN A STAND-ALONE, FREE OF ITS CONTEST RULE, I MAY HAVE CONSIDERED six!! (ANYWAY TO MAKE THE LIBERATOR HIS WIFE?. THAT WOULD BE CLOSER TO BETRAYAL BUT, EVEN THERE, SHE WOULD WANT HIM TO FLEE!! JOHN
Comment Written 20-May-2013
reply by the author on 20-May-2013
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Hi John,
Not all pirate hangings were formally done in a prison setting. Many were done from a ship's rigging or a vigilante camp's nearest stout tree. I never said he was on the gibbet. I envisioned more the tied at camp scenario. I stated in the Author's notes that she wanted more than a quickie.
Concerning the Twas and Twould, yes I intended a Faux-willy, as you describe it. As to the probing, there may be other choices, there surely are, but that word conveyed exactly what I intended it to,
I appreciate your detailed logic as to your ranking thoughts. I just happen to disagree.
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HA, TOM, THE FIRST THING POUNDED INTO OUR HEADS AT COLUMBIA U., NYC, School of Journalism, was STORY CREDIBILITY. THE SECOND: "NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR MISTAKES." I SHARED THIS ONE WITH TWO POETS, ONE MALE, ONE FEMALE, AND ALSO MY WIFE. ASKED THEM TWO QUESTIONS - WITHOUT ANY JP EDITORIALIZING
1) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?
2) DO YOU SEE ANY BETRAYAL HERE?
ALL 3 SAID THE SAME THING: fIRST THE STORY IS IMPLAUSIBLE. ANYONE WHO'S JUST ESCAPED THE JAWS OF DEATH, HAS ONLY 3 THINGS IN MIND: ESCAPE ESCAPE AND ESCAPE. NEVER SEX.
HENCE, THIS STORY FAILS CREDIBILITY.
2) BETRAYAL? WHAT BETRAYAL? WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THAT THIS LADY LIBERATOR --UNKNOWN TO THE MAN ABOUT TO DIE--
APPARENTLY ON SOME ISLAND-- JUST HAPPENS TO BE AT THE SCENE OF HIS HANGING WITH A KNIFE OR SCISSORS ON HER PERSON, FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIM AND IS ABLE TO FINESSE HER WAY PAST THE HANGMEN, AND CUT HIS CHORDS TO THIER MUTUAL ESCAPE. AND WHAT DO THEY DO THEN, NOT BOTH RUN, HIDE, PONDER ESCAPE OPTIONS? NO! INSTEAD, HER HOT "PROBING HANDS" AND TENDER KISSES TAKE POSSESSION OF HIS BODY WHILE HANGMEN SEEK THEIR WHEREABOUTS
ON THAT ISLAND. BUT, WAIT, IT'S NOT OVER,
HAVING THEN PAID THE SEX "PRICE" OF HIS LIBERTY, HE FLEES! AS THESE 3 FOLKS ASKED (AS i DID): "WHAT "BETRAYAL". THE MALE POET SAID,
"THE ONLY POSSIBLE BETRAYAL IN THIS INCREDIBLE STORY IS THAT OF "BETRAYAL TO HIMSELF", I.E. BY FALLING VICTIM TO HIS OR HER CARNAL LUSTS, HE HAD "BETRAYED HIMSELF".
ELSE, "THERE IS NO LINE OF CONGRUITY TO THIS POEM, ENJOYABLE AND WELL CRAFTED THOUGH IT BE AS A FUN-FANTASIZED FAUX-WILLY SONNET."
JOHN
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Ok John, I let you know when the movie comes out :-))
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YEAH, TOM, IT WILL PROBABLY NOT LOSE AT THE BOX-OFFICE MORE THAN A FEW DOLLARS :)
Comment from Dean Kuch
Being a huge fanatic of anything pirate related, I simply had to read this poem. I am glad that I did!
I have not read Shakespeare since my high school creative writing class, but studying his style and form have been helpful to me over the years.
You've done a marvelous modernization of a Shakespearean sonnet with this rollicking tale of a wayward pirate, escaping the hangman's noose at the hands of a wily lass who felt pity for him. Very reminiscent of Johnny Depp's wonderful Captain Jack Sparrow character...
reply by the author on 20-May-2013
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Being a huge fanatic of anything pirate related, I simply had to read this poem. I am glad that I did!
I have not read Shakespeare since my high school creative writing class, but studying his style and form have been helpful to me over the years.
You've done a marvelous modernization of a Shakespearean sonnet with this rollicking tale of a wayward pirate, escaping the hangman's noose at the hands of a wily lass who felt pity for him. Very reminiscent of Johnny Depp's wonderful Captain Jack Sparrow character...
Comment Written 20-May-2013
reply by the author on 20-May-2013
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If am so pleased by this review and comments. Thank you. I wasn't particularily thinking of him, but Jack Sparrow definitely fits.
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You got my vote in the contest as well. it was very nicely done.
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Thank you, I appreciate that.
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Typical man, use them for what they can get. As soon they can these guys just run off leaving behind a broken hearted and a broken spirited woman. You are right about it being so close to Shakespearean as you can get. Love the diction you used and the artwork you chose to bring the message to life. Well done and good luck in the contest,,,,,,Jim
reply by the author on 20-May-2013
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Typical man, use them for what they can get. As soon they can these guys just run off leaving behind a broken hearted and a broken spirited woman. You are right about it being so close to Shakespearean as you can get. Love the diction you used and the artwork you chose to bring the message to life. Well done and good luck in the contest,,,,,,Jim
Comment Written 20-May-2013
reply by the author on 20-May-2013
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Thanks Jim. I'm glad you enjoyed my little take.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this faux sonnet about the pirate who was saved from death by the maiden. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 20-May-2013
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this is very well written, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this faux sonnet about the pirate who was saved from death by the maiden. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 20-May-2013
reply by the author on 20-May-2013
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Thank you sweetwoodjax. Glad to share the tale.
