Testimony:
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Freedom"... where Angels dare ...
20 total reviews
Comment from JanPerry
Very articulated Mr Pen. I hope you are well.
I noticed you have snubbed me for the mammary glands chick.
Well, two can play at that game Mr Pen.
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reply by the author on 15-Sep-2015
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Very articulated Mr Pen. I hope you are well.
I noticed you have snubbed me for the mammary glands chick.
Well, two can play at that game Mr Pen.
From
Snubbed
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This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2015
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Janperry ... I have not snubbed you. I actually have read a chapter or two of your book and I have`nt been able to keep up with my reviewing due to my mental blocks and such ... I have not noticed whether you had any poems as that`s normally what I review so please be as kind as to give appropriate stars when reviewing much obliged ... your pal the Pen.
Comment from padumachitta
hi. well written what Ithink is called a testimonial...i may be wrong...a life going no where and saved by an introduction to God...
padumachitta
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2015
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hi. well written what Ithink is called a testimonial...i may be wrong...a life going no where and saved by an introduction to God...
padumachitta
Comment Written 13-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2015
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Glad you enjoyed ... I like Testimony, definition: evidence:declaration to prove some fact:proof. Testimonial, definition: containing testimony.
Comment from Eric1
Hi Bicpen, I read your wonderful well written biography with interest, I think your childhood mirrored millions of other children's childhoods, It is just that the values instilled in you by your parents came to the fore and warned you of the dangers, look forward to your next post my friend.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Hi Bicpen, I read your wonderful well written biography with interest, I think your childhood mirrored millions of other children's childhoods, It is just that the values instilled in you by your parents came to the fore and warned you of the dangers, look forward to your next post my friend.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Thanks Eric 1 much appreciate ...
Comment from Gloria ....
Well Bic, you've already received lots of good editing input, so I really don't have a lot to say in the first chapter.
My hope is that you will expound on the vile, filthy sins and how your life changed after the revelation. I am expecting that will be found in the following chapters.
But otherwise good story telling and I will wait until you edit and promote your next chapters to learn the story of your life.
Gloria
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Well Bic, you've already received lots of good editing input, so I really don't have a lot to say in the first chapter.
My hope is that you will expound on the vile, filthy sins and how your life changed after the revelation. I am expecting that will be found in the following chapters.
But otherwise good story telling and I will wait until you edit and promote your next chapters to learn the story of your life.
Gloria
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Thanks Gloria glad you could enjoy and hope you will read the rest of the book ... much appreciated.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
2nd review: It looks SO much better and is easier to read. Well done. I've upped the rating to five stars. Just three things to fix:
adult years; with it true freedom and liberty <--- Add a verb when you use a semi-colon. Like this...
adult years; with it came true freedom and liberty
______
but the question struck me personally, did I have faith? <--- Need semi-colon here because DID is a verb.
but the question struck me personally; did I have faith?
______
yet to be told, grace--amazing grace! <--- Comma doesn't work here. Besides, a new sentence gives more emphasis.
yet to be told. Grace--amazing grace!
______________________________________________________
Interesting, but you need to learn when to make a new paragraph. The rule is that you need a separate paragraph each time a different person either speaks or acts (does something). Here is how your first long paragraph should look. I've also corrected capitalization and punctuation. Btw, the old typewriter method of using two spaces between sentences is no longer correct. Use just one space.
__________
The dictionary definition of freedom is "the condition of being free: independence." I start my story with this word simply because freedom was what I wanted in my life. I once heard a story about a young boy who spent his time moaning about life. This is how it goes.
The boy and his father, a minister, went to see some friends. One of them put a question to the young boy. "What will you be when you grow up?"
The young boy grunted.
"Will you be a doctor, a teacher, or maybe a minister?" the friend asked again.
The young boy just looked at the friend.
The boy's father replied, "He will grow to be an old man, just an old man!"
___________
Go over all that you have written and correct the spacing, and then you will want to review puncuation and sentence structure here: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/index2.htm
It's a wonderful, very complete, reference site for writers. Bookmark it.
___________
One more thing. One of your reviewers said this:
man who(m) I cherished
(you use the word "whom" after a preposition... so if it said, to whom, or by whom, you would use the word whom... otherwise, you say, 'who')
*** She is wrong. WHOM is correct, as you had it, because "cherished" is a transitive verb that takes an object. You do not say...
I cherish she.
I cherish he.
I cherish they.
She cherishes I.
But rather you say...
I cherish her.
I cherish him.
I cherish them.
She cherishes me.
WHO is a subject word like she, he, they, I.
WHOM is an object word like her, him, them, me.
You probably should send this to that reviewer. I think the word CAT was in her name.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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2nd review: It looks SO much better and is easier to read. Well done. I've upped the rating to five stars. Just three things to fix:
adult years; with it true freedom and liberty <--- Add a verb when you use a semi-colon. Like this...
adult years; with it came true freedom and liberty
______
but the question struck me personally, did I have faith? <--- Need semi-colon here because DID is a verb.
but the question struck me personally; did I have faith?
______
yet to be told, grace--amazing grace! <--- Comma doesn't work here. Besides, a new sentence gives more emphasis.
yet to be told. Grace--amazing grace!
______________________________________________________
Interesting, but you need to learn when to make a new paragraph. The rule is that you need a separate paragraph each time a different person either speaks or acts (does something). Here is how your first long paragraph should look. I've also corrected capitalization and punctuation. Btw, the old typewriter method of using two spaces between sentences is no longer correct. Use just one space.
__________
The dictionary definition of freedom is "the condition of being free: independence." I start my story with this word simply because freedom was what I wanted in my life. I once heard a story about a young boy who spent his time moaning about life. This is how it goes.
The boy and his father, a minister, went to see some friends. One of them put a question to the young boy. "What will you be when you grow up?"
The young boy grunted.
"Will you be a doctor, a teacher, or maybe a minister?" the friend asked again.
The young boy just looked at the friend.
The boy's father replied, "He will grow to be an old man, just an old man!"
___________
Go over all that you have written and correct the spacing, and then you will want to review puncuation and sentence structure here: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/index2.htm
It's a wonderful, very complete, reference site for writers. Bookmark it.
___________
One more thing. One of your reviewers said this:
man who(m) I cherished
(you use the word "whom" after a preposition... so if it said, to whom, or by whom, you would use the word whom... otherwise, you say, 'who')
*** She is wrong. WHOM is correct, as you had it, because "cherished" is a transitive verb that takes an object. You do not say...
I cherish she.
I cherish he.
I cherish they.
She cherishes I.
But rather you say...
I cherish her.
I cherish him.
I cherish them.
She cherishes me.
WHO is a subject word like she, he, they, I.
WHOM is an object word like her, him, them, me.
You probably should send this to that reviewer. I think the word CAT was in her name.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Thanks Phyllis ... this is very much appreciated ... I have adjusted the spacing and tried understanding the paragraph division as best I could, see what you think ... also is there anything major actually wrong with the punctuation ... I corrected the first paragraph as you had it because it makes sense, but as far as I can make out in my own mind the rest is about a good a I can understand it to be ... does it need adjusting !!!
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I have changed rating to five and added this to original review:
2nd review: It looks SO much better and is easier to read. Well done. I've upped the rating to five stars. Just three things to fix:
adult years; with it true freedom and liberty <--- Add a verb when you use a semi-colon. Like this...
adult years; with it came true freedom and liberty
______
but the question struck me personally, did I have faith? <--- Need semi-colon here because DID is a verb.
but the question struck me personally; did I have faith?
______
yet to be told, grace--amazing grace! <--- Comma doesn't work here. Besides, a new sentence gives more emphasis.
yet to be told. Grace--amazing grace!
______________________________________________
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Thanks Phyllis, much appreciated, and great to get the five stars. Its been a hard slog but if these corrections are the only one`s to be done I can say its been worth it, and I have learnt a thing or two on the way ... many thanks!!!
Comment from Writeronboard
This is a compelling story. To know what freedom meant to you as a child and then the definition changes as you got older is something in which we all can relate. The story is well written and told at a good pace. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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This is a compelling story. To know what freedom meant to you as a child and then the definition changes as you got older is something in which we all can relate. The story is well written and told at a good pace. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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much appreciated glad you could enjoy.
Comment from mermaids
I enjoyed reading your story, you have made the journey to faith in adulthood, like so many. I liked reading about your father, an interesting man. I like your recommendation of the prayer of repentance, helpful to so many. I do not see any need for change in your writing, but I am not skilled at prose. I am looking forward to reading more from you.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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I enjoyed reading your story, you have made the journey to faith in adulthood, like so many. I liked reading about your father, an interesting man. I like your recommendation of the prayer of repentance, helpful to so many. I do not see any need for change in your writing, but I am not skilled at prose. I am looking forward to reading more from you.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Excellent ... much appreciated.
Comment from Sis Cat
Excellent essay. I enjoyed your straightforward prose and approach to telling your story of faith and freedom. There is a crispness about this that appealed to me. I love how you began this with a story, and then you elaborated, sharing your life experiences. I appreciate your faith-based approach and recommendation for prayer.
The only spag is that some of your apostrophes, such as after God, lean to the left instead of go straight up.
Yes, "grace . . . amazing grace" is "the other half of the story yet to be told."
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Excellent essay. I enjoyed your straightforward prose and approach to telling your story of faith and freedom. There is a crispness about this that appealed to me. I love how you began this with a story, and then you elaborated, sharing your life experiences. I appreciate your faith-based approach and recommendation for prayer.
The only spag is that some of your apostrophes, such as after God, lean to the left instead of go straight up.
Yes, "grace . . . amazing grace" is "the other half of the story yet to be told."
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Excellent ... dont know if I can fix that one ... lol.
Comment from Nosha17
I liked your self revelation about your faith. It comes to people in different ways. My life was a mess, abusive husband, then after the divorce I joined a church that taught me how to love God and my faith grew. I am glad you have come to this point, your story was well written and had a good message for others. I liked the mention of your village name-Lochinver-my favourite poem by Scott was young Lochinvar! I found a couple of things to correct: Para 2, whom I cherished. Para 4 Christian. Para 6 independence. Haven't seen you reviewing my poems lately-I have two posted at present. Hope you weather on the Isle of Lewis is improved-I listened to the Weather Forecast for Western Scotland this morning and it sounded OK. Enjoyable read, hope my corrections are helpful. Faye
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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I liked your self revelation about your faith. It comes to people in different ways. My life was a mess, abusive husband, then after the divorce I joined a church that taught me how to love God and my faith grew. I am glad you have come to this point, your story was well written and had a good message for others. I liked the mention of your village name-Lochinver-my favourite poem by Scott was young Lochinvar! I found a couple of things to correct: Para 2, whom I cherished. Para 4 Christian. Para 6 independence. Haven't seen you reviewing my poems lately-I have two posted at present. Hope you weather on the Isle of Lewis is improved-I listened to the Weather Forecast for Western Scotland this morning and it sounded OK. Enjoyable read, hope my corrections are helpful. Faye
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Thanks Faye ... the weathers been good this week but rain to follow for the weekend. Corrections all attended to and I have been trying to catch up with my reviewing so maybe I`ll get you in there at some stage ... just the mind isn't up to its usual standard ... mental blocks and stuff. I am glad you could enjoy this piece for what it is.
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Glad your weather has been good, about time! Glad to help with the corrections, you're welcome. Hope you have a good weekend. Faye
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Thanks faye ... much appreciated, and you!
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hi Bicpen,
This is very well written and I found no spag.
Each paragraph makes its point and draws the reader in with clear writing and no sidetracking just for the sake of pontificating.
I'm not religious, but I am spiritual, and do understand how faith can change our way of thinking and doing for the better.
Hugs,
Lou
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Hi Bicpen,
This is very well written and I found no spag.
Each paragraph makes its point and draws the reader in with clear writing and no sidetracking just for the sake of pontificating.
I'm not religious, but I am spiritual, and do understand how faith can change our way of thinking and doing for the better.
Hugs,
Lou
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Excellent ... much appreciated glad you enjoyed.
