Family
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Too Soon"Personal poems
19 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
He became,
A mind,
Trapped in a useless body ... oh, this splinters my heart. Today is the 10th death anniversary of my friend's demise and the memories have been flooding in, in deluges.
Tom, I'm out of sixes - a six is what I'm rating this one - you have captured the essence of what the journey was all about.
Was he your twin brother? The resemblance is uncanny.
Bless you, dear Tom. Please give the good lady a hug from me, okay? Praying for you both.
Sonali
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2013
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He became,
A mind,
Trapped in a useless body ... oh, this splinters my heart. Today is the 10th death anniversary of my friend's demise and the memories have been flooding in, in deluges.
Tom, I'm out of sixes - a six is what I'm rating this one - you have captured the essence of what the journey was all about.
Was he your twin brother? The resemblance is uncanny.
Bless you, dear Tom. Please give the good lady a hug from me, okay? Praying for you both.
Sonali
Comment Written 24-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2013
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Thank you Sonali, no, he was 5 years older than I am. Glad you found and read it. I will.
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I had already read and reviewed the other one you mentioned. I remember how it moved me.
Comment from Audrey N. Touchstone
This was a very powerful poem. I loved every bit of it. It really captures your emotion well, and I understand every bit of it.
I had a very affectionate dance teacher whom I admired deeply diagnosed with ALS and I have experienced the heart break first hand...but I can't imagine the pain of loosing my little sister to it. Bravo, I loved it.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2013
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This was a very powerful poem. I loved every bit of it. It really captures your emotion well, and I understand every bit of it.
I had a very affectionate dance teacher whom I admired deeply diagnosed with ALS and I have experienced the heart break first hand...but I can't imagine the pain of loosing my little sister to it. Bravo, I loved it.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2013
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Oh Audrey, you really get it. Thanks.
Comment from 9999pool
I, too, lost my brother in December last year, he was younger than your brother by 5 years when he died. I wrote "Footprints in memories Forever" as a remembrance to him. It is true that in our minds and hearts, we refuse to let them die, we just cannot. The moments shared and the time together, no matter how much, was never enough. brothers can be very close, because we fight and make peace over the same things, but some things never changed. The love and the friendship can cannot be erased over time.
Excellent write to remember a brother.
Cheers, Ritchie.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2013
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I, too, lost my brother in December last year, he was younger than your brother by 5 years when he died. I wrote "Footprints in memories Forever" as a remembrance to him. It is true that in our minds and hearts, we refuse to let them die, we just cannot. The moments shared and the time together, no matter how much, was never enough. brothers can be very close, because we fight and make peace over the same things, but some things never changed. The love and the friendship can cannot be erased over time.
Excellent write to remember a brother.
Cheers, Ritchie.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2013
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Thank you Ritchie. Your words are so true. We used to argue politics all the time. Some times heated. I'd give anything to have some more.
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Me too. Sometimes I just can't agree with him. Now, without him, there's no one to argue too. Life is love-hate at times. Still miss him though like you.
Cheers, Ritchie.
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Hi Trieschel,
As for our Multi-Author book "Battle of the Sexes", there is agreement to have it printed as our memento of our friendship and even family here in FS.
I may sponsor a reward in Member Cent Pump or other useful promotion certificates for all contributors (only) of the book to vote on the best poem.
Will discuss with all contributors to get their blessings first.
Final stage is to get FanStory.com to recognize this superb Mutli-Author Book.
For your info, contributors all allowed to add any number of chapters they wanted.
Cheers, Ritchie.
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Thanks for the input Ritchie. Yes I will be adding one or two more so don't close yet. Is ther a time limit?
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For you my friend, we can leave it open for a month a two. Your 'Treischelet' had continued to receive good reviews on its form. Most are dazed after reading "Miracles" 'Treischelet' (thanks to Treischel, of course, LOL). Two reviewers said they will try it and some said I am the infection (LOL). The 'Lisalet' is also gaining popularity based on the reviews.
Cheers, Ritchie.
Comment from Rmocruz
Hello Treischel,
This is a very heart-felt verse, that must have been difficult to pen.
It is well-written with clarity of detail.the message is a sad one indeed.
I can relate to this poem because of my own personal experience.
My younger brother Vincent died at fifty-six only four years ago.
We were very close and I think of him often.
This poem is a fine tribute to your brother.
Peace, Rich.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2013
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Hello Treischel,
This is a very heart-felt verse, that must have been difficult to pen.
It is well-written with clarity of detail.the message is a sad one indeed.
I can relate to this poem because of my own personal experience.
My younger brother Vincent died at fifty-six only four years ago.
We were very close and I think of him often.
This poem is a fine tribute to your brother.
Peace, Rich.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2013
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Thank you Rich for your kind words and nice review.
Comment from adewpearl
ragging - do you mean raging?
than a pen and paper - then
This is an emotionally-charged poem that will resonate with many people who have been forced to watch a loved one slowly deteriorate if from ALS or other condition
The executive director of the homeless shelter where I volunteer was recently diagnosed and I shudder to think about what he will be experiencing in the next months
you describe in such a visceral way how the disease progresses and how it is manifested in the sufferer - I am so very sorry for your brother's struggle and for your loss. Brooke
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2013
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ragging - do you mean raging?
than a pen and paper - then
This is an emotionally-charged poem that will resonate with many people who have been forced to watch a loved one slowly deteriorate if from ALS or other condition
The executive director of the homeless shelter where I volunteer was recently diagnosed and I shudder to think about what he will be experiencing in the next months
you describe in such a visceral way how the disease progresses and how it is manifested in the sufferer - I am so very sorry for your brother's struggle and for your loss. Brooke
Comment Written 02-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2013
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Thank you Brooke. Yes, I fixed raging. It's a horrible disease. We thought he just had a bad catch in his throat. Took two years.
Comment from gazzagodbod
so hard to see a loved one go through something like this a well written personal poem full of feeling and your grief well done gazza
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2013
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so hard to see a loved one go through something like this a well written personal poem full of feeling and your grief well done gazza
Comment Written 01-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2013
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Thank you gazza.
Comment from hifein
beautiful tribute to your brother. the love and feelings of loss come through in this poignantly expressive poem. i like the incidental rhyme incorporated in this free verse poem. perhaps you could find a way to use even a little more rhyme or poetic imagery. i think it might enhance the poetic flow. your emotion comes through, -- that really is the most important.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2013
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beautiful tribute to your brother. the love and feelings of loss come through in this poignantly expressive poem. i like the incidental rhyme incorporated in this free verse poem. perhaps you could find a way to use even a little more rhyme or poetic imagery. i think it might enhance the poetic flow. your emotion comes through, -- that really is the most important.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2013
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Thank you hifein.
Comment from trimple
Awe Tom what a terrible thing to have to go through both you your brother and loved ones.
I am not I don't think familiar with the abbreviation used to describe the condition that your brother had, nor does it matter. I read this poem that bled so much honesty and love for a brother.
What is his name?
A big hug the size of seasoned redwoods smothered in ice-cream to you.
Kindest regards as always Tracey x
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2013
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Awe Tom what a terrible thing to have to go through both you your brother and loved ones.
I am not I don't think familiar with the abbreviation used to describe the condition that your brother had, nor does it matter. I read this poem that bled so much honesty and love for a brother.
What is his name?
A big hug the size of seasoned redwoods smothered in ice-cream to you.
Kindest regards as always Tracey x
Comment Written 01-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2013
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Thank you Tracy. His name was Chuck. The oldest of 5 brothers, ALS is Arterio Lateral Slerosis also known as Lew Gerig's disease. It slowly kills off all your muscles, evertually your heart and lungs.
Comment from justjo66
You and your brother look alike. I am sorry for the
loss of your brother. ALS is a terrible disease and so
sad to watch someone with it deal with it and then die.
You have written a beautiful and sensitive tribute to
him. Thank you for your very sad poem.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2013
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You and your brother look alike. I am sorry for the
loss of your brother. ALS is a terrible disease and so
sad to watch someone with it deal with it and then die.
You have written a beautiful and sensitive tribute to
him. Thank you for your very sad poem.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2013
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Thank you justjo
Comment from charlyann
What a heartfelt, heartbreaking poem. ALS...I've watched someone die from it...horrendous. This is a loving and touching to tribute to a brother you so obviously adored...well done
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2013
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What a heartfelt, heartbreaking poem. ALS...I've watched someone die from it...horrendous. This is a loving and touching to tribute to a brother you so obviously adored...well done
Comment Written 01-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2013
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Thank you for you lovely caring remarks.
