White in a Green Man's World
okay, I'll play22 total reviews
Comment from mshirachot
Great job on this "fake" article. I love how you have created a parody from something that is a serious problem the whole world needs to get over. I have a favorite saying, when it comes to "race" issues: "G~d is color blind".
This is a comical take on the whole topic. Perhaps I could be aqua blue for a few weeks.
Best wishes with the contest entry.
Blessings,
Marsha
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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Great job on this "fake" article. I love how you have created a parody from something that is a serious problem the whole world needs to get over. I have a favorite saying, when it comes to "race" issues: "G~d is color blind".
This is a comical take on the whole topic. Perhaps I could be aqua blue for a few weeks.
Best wishes with the contest entry.
Blessings,
Marsha
Comment Written 01-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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Just don't go near the ocean...you might become invisible and foil the entire purpose of colour change by becoming invisible.
Comment from Dave M
This is an excellent fake science article that gave me a good chuckle. Blue today and orange tomorrow.
I enjoyed this read and have several comments:
"assuming he [had] turned his back on his cultural roots."
"They discovered that by mixing up the DNA from five continents that skin colour began to take on a daffodil hue." I stumbled a bit over this sentence. You might rewrite it. I'd write, "They discovered that mixing the DNA from five continents causes the skin colour to take on a daffodil hue."
"...an affront to the Republican party who had {pandered and} financially supported..." I don't like the words in braces. They are demeaning, and they give away the fact that this is a satire.
"...the new race was immediately labelled as 'Pinkos.'" Ah! The old definition of "Red."
Dave
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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This is an excellent fake science article that gave me a good chuckle. Blue today and orange tomorrow.
I enjoyed this read and have several comments:
"assuming he [had] turned his back on his cultural roots."
"They discovered that by mixing up the DNA from five continents that skin colour began to take on a daffodil hue." I stumbled a bit over this sentence. You might rewrite it. I'd write, "They discovered that mixing the DNA from five continents causes the skin colour to take on a daffodil hue."
"...an affront to the Republican party who had {pandered and} financially supported..." I don't like the words in braces. They are demeaning, and they give away the fact that this is a satire.
"...the new race was immediately labelled as 'Pinkos.'" Ah! The old definition of "Red."
Dave
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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Late response, but most appreciated. thanks.
Comment from Justin Chopin
The scariest part about your article Echo was that I could see it happening. Very well written especially the opening parts where you spoke about Michael Jackson contributing the money for people having their skin colored changed. Great job with the satire and hopefully the next generation of human beings that inhabit this world will not have the same skin hew as " The Pink Panther." Keep it up.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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The scariest part about your article Echo was that I could see it happening. Very well written especially the opening parts where you spoke about Michael Jackson contributing the money for people having their skin colored changed. Great job with the satire and hopefully the next generation of human beings that inhabit this world will not have the same skin hew as " The Pink Panther." Keep it up.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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The strangest part of fantasy and fiction is to take a fact and turn it into blasphemy and my story began with a real life trauma that existed in Michael Jackson's life, his attempt to cope and then my ludicrous take on a base of truth. Thanks for the stars.
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You're welcome Echo.
Comment from jlsavell
Spiritual Echo, I read this last week and so wanted to give you a six. Simply brilliant and entertaining. It even inspired me to write one, though not near as good as yours!! Needs a bit of honing..Yours is so very well done.. girl your imagination cannot be rivaled nor your writing skills.. bravo to you.. on another note, this remined me iof The Hunger Games where the people of the Capitol were of varying col;ors because it was the latest fashion... jimi
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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Spiritual Echo, I read this last week and so wanted to give you a six. Simply brilliant and entertaining. It even inspired me to write one, though not near as good as yours!! Needs a bit of honing..Yours is so very well done.. girl your imagination cannot be rivaled nor your writing skills.. bravo to you.. on another note, this remined me iof The Hunger Games where the people of the Capitol were of varying col;ors because it was the latest fashion... jimi
Comment Written 25-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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I'm sitting in a vacant living room with the TV playing out a movie I've seen at least twice.
You humble me.
It's easier to live out stories and dreams on screens and on paper. Imagine, someone waited a week to give me a nod.
Spectacular, my first Christmas card.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Excellent. SO original, tongue in cheek, satirical, with a strong pinch of (sadly) the truth about our human race, or races, as some folks insist on labeling them. This has to be a contender, or I'll paint my face purple.
I do want to get a tattoo. Just a little one. Somewhere.
Av
x
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
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Excellent. SO original, tongue in cheek, satirical, with a strong pinch of (sadly) the truth about our human race, or races, as some folks insist on labeling them. This has to be a contender, or I'll paint my face purple.
I do want to get a tattoo. Just a little one. Somewhere.
Av
x
Comment Written 18-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
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I think you agree that when you put something out into the universe, it usually comes back to you. I have always believed that regardless of what you are thinking, if you verbalize negative thoughts, they will come back to choke you.
Conversely, if you put out positive energy, you become a magnet for strength and happiness. It's all part of a process of visualization (some call it prayer)
As you have written a highly spiritual book, with layer upon layer of overlap to ancient and mystical teachings, I think a tatoo would be a fine idea and I know exactly what it should be.
Before you pen your last chapter, go out and have the sword permanently attached to your experience, but make sure you bring the ink artist a very clear picture of what you want. Somehow I imagine that lifetime reminder will empower you to remember what it felt like to be encased in dreams that whispered from the past and foretell the future. Not only that, when you're on Letterman as part of your media tour to promote the movie that will emerge from this, it will make for a very interesting segment on the show...so don't put it anywhere that can't be displayed publically without embarassment.
This little tattoo, will then become the seed of the cross-marketing program. Design it carefully as it will be in jewellery stores and gift shops across America.
Thanks for the stars. I had a WONDERFUL time writing this. Was beginning to think I'd lost my passion for writing, or put it into hibernation.
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You'll not lose your passion. It's part of who you are. It was a great write - I can tell you had fun with it. :o)
I love your idea of the sword! The Letterman part? Well, I'm glad you think the book might even be half as good as that. I'll be happy if I get a two minute spot on Guelph tv. haha!
Comment from reconciled
lol....hey ...I believe it....some of the shit I've seen....well...you wouldn't want see it, but they do it....I have know idea what could posses a person to tattoo his face....but I got one working for me.....outside. -smile- great read love Michael
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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lol....hey ...I believe it....some of the shit I've seen....well...you wouldn't want see it, but they do it....I have know idea what could posses a person to tattoo his face....but I got one working for me.....outside. -smile- great read love Michael
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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Fun write, what ever made you come up with this idea?
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Well....pardon me but weren't you talking about blue.... and different hues.....tatoooed on people? I dont know some times you trick me....i think you do on perpuse....-smile-
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I thought you hosted this contest...guess I was mistaken. Sure, that is one of my prioirities these days...pull the wool over peoples eye...lol. You should be out ogling women at a bar on a Saturday night.
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I tried....i think its too soon....hell I've moved two in. .....but I dont touch....I dont man....I can go through the motions....but its just not the same. I dont know maybe I need another month.....does playing with yourself turn you into a pervert? what da ya think? -smile- love Michael
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I think that's a way of taking care of stresses without taking on any more by bringing the whole package.
What you do in private is entirely your business. Enjoy your date with yourself tonight...lol.
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stop it.....thats not nice....at all -smile-
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i'm sure it will be good for you...
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it aint happen now for sure....thanks
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now u made me laugh..
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well....that's great glad I could cheer you up...this evening...great talking to ya lol love you
Comment from mtnspirit
Hi Spiritual Echo,
What a hoot! I enjoyed every word. I did find one nit. At the bottom you have the word (stated) twice. quick fix and a fantastic contest entry. Looks like a winner to me. Good luck and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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Hi Spiritual Echo,
What a hoot! I enjoyed every word. I did find one nit. At the bottom you have the word (stated) twice. quick fix and a fantastic contest entry. Looks like a winner to me. Good luck and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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TThanks, fixed it. This was a lot of fun write.
Comment from Spitfire
What a hoot! Just think if you change your skin color to match your outfits. A well-written with a much needed lesson. Like Jonathan Swift you use hyperbole to point out a serious social problem.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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What a hoot! Just think if you change your skin color to match your outfits. A well-written with a much needed lesson. Like Jonathan Swift you use hyperbole to point out a serious social problem.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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I had an absolute hoot writing this.
Comment from Sasha
I started reading this without noting that it was a contest entry and categorized as 'Satire Fiction'. Once I switched from fascinated awe mode to giggle, I found myself laughing out loud. I personally would like to go for a 'mauve' look then later try blue; I'm sure that will make my green eyes sparkle. Wonderful story and terrific entry for the contest. I think you have a winner here.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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I started reading this without noting that it was a contest entry and categorized as 'Satire Fiction'. Once I switched from fascinated awe mode to giggle, I found myself laughing out loud. I personally would like to go for a 'mauve' look then later try blue; I'm sure that will make my green eyes sparkle. Wonderful story and terrific entry for the contest. I think you have a winner here.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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Well let me tell you, it was a hoot to write.
Comment from suneagle
Great idea, and written in an amusing style. I enjoyed it.
I've noted some corrections and suggestions that you may like to consider.
[Vitiligo], has now hit main-stream America.
researchers at Duke have announced that skin color is now an option.
Scientists now have the means to transform any individual to the color of choice.
(Notice the close repetition of "now". The two paragraphs could be combined and the second instance deleted.)
In fact, the pink shades have been highly successful , but blue tones, ranging from navy to the slightest whisper of mauve[,] have been perfected.
By extracting natural pigments from pigs, initially researchers began the arduous task
(Great line: "pigments from pigs". LOL. However, you are overdoing the initial/initially thing.)
The initial scientists on the project
("initial" again.)
Tattoo parlors have given up their penchant for body art, [and are] advertising full racial profile exchange plans and offering payment options.
(The sentence seemed incomplete.)
Without a historical past to interpret America's view on pink people or the new fad [for] green,
As the head of the project stated, Mr. Hudson Smith, "I can't take responsibility."
(Should be written as:
As the head of the project, Mr. Hudson Smith, stated, , "I can't take responsibility.")
I trust I've been helpful. PM if you have any comments or questions about this review.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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Great idea, and written in an amusing style. I enjoyed it.
I've noted some corrections and suggestions that you may like to consider.
[Vitiligo], has now hit main-stream America.
researchers at Duke have announced that skin color is now an option.
Scientists now have the means to transform any individual to the color of choice.
(Notice the close repetition of "now". The two paragraphs could be combined and the second instance deleted.)
In fact, the pink shades have been highly successful , but blue tones, ranging from navy to the slightest whisper of mauve[,] have been perfected.
By extracting natural pigments from pigs, initially researchers began the arduous task
(Great line: "pigments from pigs". LOL. However, you are overdoing the initial/initially thing.)
The initial scientists on the project
("initial" again.)
Tattoo parlors have given up their penchant for body art, [and are] advertising full racial profile exchange plans and offering payment options.
(The sentence seemed incomplete.)
Without a historical past to interpret America's view on pink people or the new fad [for] green,
As the head of the project stated, Mr. Hudson Smith, "I can't take responsibility."
(Should be written as:
As the head of the project, Mr. Hudson Smith, stated, , "I can't take responsibility.")
I trust I've been helpful. PM if you have any comments or questions about this review.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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Well aren't you kind to take so much time to give me a solid edit with feedback that will improve the post.
I hope I got them all, but will check again in the morning when my eyes aren't blurry and bloodshot.
Sincere thanks, ingrid
