Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Yatiza Moon"Murder Mystery
52 total reviews
Comment from Tina55
I've fallen behind and feel like a heel for doing so, Bev. :(
Love the warning on the emergency snacks. When I have something I don't want the kids to touch I put on this note: In order to have one of these, you must kiss at least one of your brothers. Works every time. LOL
Ah, there's nothing worse than stale crackers.
It(')s got a desk and chairs, but not much else.
When it turned out it was boys and not a woman...(Just a suggestion, Bev, but I'd change woman to women so it agrees with the plural subject: boys.)
Great post, Bev. You take the reader from one revelation to the next in a sometimes blinding way. Very clever dialogue that sounds authentic while not revealing too much at once. This story really does unravel as the reader moves over every word. Great pacing!
I'm going to hope into the next post and review while I have time....
Love,
Tina
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2012
  |
I've fallen behind and feel like a heel for doing so, Bev. :(
Love the warning on the emergency snacks. When I have something I don't want the kids to touch I put on this note: In order to have one of these, you must kiss at least one of your brothers. Works every time. LOL
Ah, there's nothing worse than stale crackers.
It(')s got a desk and chairs, but not much else.
When it turned out it was boys and not a woman...(Just a suggestion, Bev, but I'd change woman to women so it agrees with the plural subject: boys.)
Great post, Bev. You take the reader from one revelation to the next in a sometimes blinding way. Very clever dialogue that sounds authentic while not revealing too much at once. This story really does unravel as the reader moves over every word. Great pacing!
I'm going to hope into the next post and review while I have time....
Love,
Tina
Comment Written 21-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2012
-
Don't you dare feel like a heel! My gosh, you do have a life, Tina. I'm just thrilled that you've taken time to go back and read. That's so generous of you.
Your suggestions are excellent, and I will get 'er done LOL.
I sometimes wonder if I ramble too much, so your remarks are especially helpful, Tina.
Can you believe it's almost Christmas - oh, and we missed the big Kaboom! hehehehe
Love ya, Bev
-
No, thank you for writing this entertaining story! I should bookmark your story and then it will be easier for me to follow the bits I miss. I really hate how, sometimes, the messages get cleared out of our inbox before I get to read them.
Anyway, yes, now that we all survived...have a rockin' Christmas!!
Love,
Tina
xx
-
I'll be rockin', Tina, but it will likely be due to bloating and gas LOL. Now, that's a nice picture to leave you with. Love ya lots, Bev
Comment from wordsfromsue
How have I missed two chapters, Bev? I love this book! I looked at your portfolio today to make sure I didn't miss anything, thank goodness. What a great chapter! Hints of clues that wet our appetite for more. The poor housekeeper unburdening her soul..
You have such a terrific knack for mystery writing. I so wish I did. It's an honor to read your work. :-)
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
|
How have I missed two chapters, Bev? I love this book! I looked at your portfolio today to make sure I didn't miss anything, thank goodness. What a great chapter! Hints of clues that wet our appetite for more. The poor housekeeper unburdening her soul..
You have such a terrific knack for mystery writing. I so wish I did. It's an honor to read your work. :-)
Comment Written 16-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
-
Sue, your words are so thoughtful and kind. Thank you for your encouragement and support. It makes my heart so glad! Hugs, Bev
Comment from dhee khaye
Thank you for including the characters below, it really helps a lot. I love the lines of every characters. you made the story flows smooth. Thank you for sharing your wonderful work. God bless.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2012
|
Thank you for including the characters below, it really helps a lot. I love the lines of every characters. you made the story flows smooth. Thank you for sharing your wonderful work. God bless.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2012
-
Thank you much, dhee khaye. I really appreciate you taking time read and review! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Eric Corsten
You seem to have a unique way of writing ..What I like also is the big letters ..after reading all day it wears on you..I enjoyed it thenks
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2012
|
You seem to have a unique way of writing ..What I like also is the big letters ..after reading all day it wears on you..I enjoyed it thenks
Comment Written 18-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2012
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from donaldww
This was an excellent chapter, where you revealed the
I have a question about the following passage:
Jana stood up, "As a Native American, I'm used to being judged by my looks. I've learned to trust half of what I see and even less of what I hear."
"After you, Father." She jutted her jaw in the direction of the waiting woman.
Is "After you, Father." spoken again by Jana? If so, I think it would more clear to have the words appended to the last part of her previous dialogue.
But, as I suspect, you are thinking that you need a pause between the two (a beat), then perhaps you could insert a small of narrative between them, or just flip what you have in the 2nd paragraph like this:
Jana stood up. "As a Native American, I'm used to being judged by my looks. I've learned to trust half of what I see and even less of what I hear."
She jutted her jaw in the direction of the waiting woman. "After you, Father."
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2012
|
This was an excellent chapter, where you revealed the
I have a question about the following passage:
Jana stood up, "As a Native American, I'm used to being judged by my looks. I've learned to trust half of what I see and even less of what I hear."
"After you, Father." She jutted her jaw in the direction of the waiting woman.
Is "After you, Father." spoken again by Jana? If so, I think it would more clear to have the words appended to the last part of her previous dialogue.
But, as I suspect, you are thinking that you need a pause between the two (a beat), then perhaps you could insert a small of narrative between them, or just flip what you have in the 2nd paragraph like this:
Jana stood up. "As a Native American, I'm used to being judged by my looks. I've learned to trust half of what I see and even less of what I hear."
She jutted her jaw in the direction of the waiting woman. "After you, Father."
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 18-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2012
-
Thanks much Donald.
Kind regards,
Bev
Comment from DALLAS01
Hey, Be, Another great chapter. I am really into small detail and this one just stood out, as I have done the very same thing.
Jana hooked one foot on each side of her metal wastebasket and pulled it close. She jammed the cracker box inside, propped her feet on the basket's edge (these are the kind of details that make your story seem so real and actually picks up your reader and places him in the room.)
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
|
Hey, Be, Another great chapter. I am really into small detail and this one just stood out, as I have done the very same thing.
Jana hooked one foot on each side of her metal wastebasket and pulled it close. She jammed the cracker box inside, propped her feet on the basket's edge (these are the kind of details that make your story seem so real and actually picks up your reader and places him in the room.)
Comment Written 18-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
-
Thanks so much, Dallas. I really appreciate your generous and supportive review. Writing this novel has truly been an awesome learning experience. I've gotten so much help from great reviewers like yourself. And I've also, like you, come to respect the importance of well-placed details. I hope to continue to grown and learn how to write even better. Thanks again, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
-
You're welcome. Happy Thanksgiving.
-
The same to you, Dallas.
Comment from Anthony Crosbie
I love your style of writing and this story delivers with great dialog and is captivating. You alway seem to write to a high standard. Well done. Archie
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
|
I love your style of writing and this story delivers with great dialog and is captivating. You alway seem to write to a high standard. Well done. Archie
Comment Written 18-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
-
Thank you so much, Archie. What a kind and generous review! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Cumbrianlass
'Touch this and you Die.' - A girl after my own heart!
She was licking the underside of the knife when Father Brian found her. - I'd had a smacked hand for licking a knife blade as a kid. LOL! Love the feeling of guilt you portray in this scene - nicely done.
"Where's your housekeeper?" - I think there's a line break before this sentence that needs to be removed?
"As an Indian, I'm used to being judged by my looks. - Just curious, Bev. Here in Canada, the natives really dislike being referred to as 'Indians'. They much prefer 'native', 'aboriginal' or their tribal name (Mohawk or Algonquin). Same with 'Eskimo'. They find it distasteful. They like to be called 'Inuit'. Maybe it's different in the States? Like I say, just being curious.
I didn't want to cause more pain to the boys who wrote those letter(s).
Excellent, excellent interview. Handled like the pro that you are. Love the hint of mystery with the man from the reservation. The dialogue was smooth, SO realistic, you set the mood and added just enough intrigue to keep the reader dying for more.
It's what you're NOT saying that comes through. Skilled writing, my lady.
Love Jana's ending remark. She's a smart cookie, that one. You've written her so well, Bev.
Can't give you a six, so it's a virtual one.
Hugs, Av
xx
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
|
'Touch this and you Die.' - A girl after my own heart!
She was licking the underside of the knife when Father Brian found her. - I'd had a smacked hand for licking a knife blade as a kid. LOL! Love the feeling of guilt you portray in this scene - nicely done.
"Where's your housekeeper?" - I think there's a line break before this sentence that needs to be removed?
"As an Indian, I'm used to being judged by my looks. - Just curious, Bev. Here in Canada, the natives really dislike being referred to as 'Indians'. They much prefer 'native', 'aboriginal' or their tribal name (Mohawk or Algonquin). Same with 'Eskimo'. They find it distasteful. They like to be called 'Inuit'. Maybe it's different in the States? Like I say, just being curious.
I didn't want to cause more pain to the boys who wrote those letter(s).
Excellent, excellent interview. Handled like the pro that you are. Love the hint of mystery with the man from the reservation. The dialogue was smooth, SO realistic, you set the mood and added just enough intrigue to keep the reader dying for more.
It's what you're NOT saying that comes through. Skilled writing, my lady.
Love Jana's ending remark. She's a smart cookie, that one. You've written her so well, Bev.
Can't give you a six, so it's a virtual one.
Hugs, Av
xx
Comment Written 18-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
-
Hhi, Av. Thank you so much for the virtual six. And even more for the guidance and support.
I think you are right about changing to Native American. I was thinking that, as is common among our local NA population, Jana would refer to herself as Indian. Though I as an outsider would never do so. But I think it's alway a good idea to be politically correct LOL. So, thank you, as always for keeping me on track.
Your support is always so appreciated, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Writing,
This is the first chapter I have read of your book but am glad I did it now. You have excellent writing skills and I had no trouble catching up due to your background notes. My late husband was a cop so this story appeals to me. This is a great chapter and I hope to read more...well done...blessings, chey
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
|
Hi Writing,
This is the first chapter I have read of your book but am glad I did it now. You have excellent writing skills and I had no trouble catching up due to your background notes. My late husband was a cop so this story appeals to me. This is a great chapter and I hope to read more...well done...blessings, chey
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
-
Hi, Chey. Thank you so much for reading the chapter! I really appreciate your support and generosity. I have great respect for law enforcement personnel. And I am hoping to continue to write about them in ways that make them more natural and human. They are real heroes and deserve to be seen for the extraordinary people that most of them are.
Blessings to you as well, chey. Xxx Bev
-
That was a nice thing to say! My husband was one of those good cops we don't hear enough about...blessings, chey
-
:0) Bev
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Writingfundimension,
Hmm, so someone has invoked an ancient 'demon' in revenge, and we have one of the Msgr victims running about killing people.
Nice build up of the tnesions and the suspense.
Patrick
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
|
Hi Writingfundimension,
Hmm, so someone has invoked an ancient 'demon' in revenge, and we have one of the Msgr victims running about killing people.
Nice build up of the tnesions and the suspense.
Patrick
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
-
Thanks Patrick. I really appreciate the time you took to read and your generous review! Warm regards, Bev
