Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "SICA MOON"Murder Mystery
52 total reviews
Comment from Rob Caudle
GREAT WORK BEV!!!! I love the detail in the scenes of those bystanders adds authenticity to the work that set it apart again realy well done and of course the ending lend to the readers desire to turn the page.
Rob
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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GREAT WORK BEV!!!! I love the detail in the scenes of those bystanders adds authenticity to the work that set it apart again realy well done and of course the ending lend to the readers desire to turn the page.
Rob
Comment Written 08-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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Hi, Rob. Thanks, buddy. I sure appreciate you taking time out of your busy life to read and review so generously. It means so much! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Tina55
You keep this moving along very well, Bev. The characters interact with each other easily, showing familiarity that adds credence to the story.
His (He)
located a sign with directions to the cardiac unit.
A good cop never gets used to it. (Nice touch)
Nice tension with the changing of the shift and the 'person of interest'.
Detective Skeets Epstein...(poor guy...what was his mother thinking when she picked that name? LOL)
The perp is out there just laughing his ass of (off) while we stumble around like blind mice."
Nice suspenseful hook at the end. It ramps up, feels as tight as the policemen...and keeps the reader engaged.
Nicely done!
Tina
xx
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2012
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You keep this moving along very well, Bev. The characters interact with each other easily, showing familiarity that adds credence to the story.
His (He)
located a sign with directions to the cardiac unit.
A good cop never gets used to it. (Nice touch)
Nice tension with the changing of the shift and the 'person of interest'.
Detective Skeets Epstein...(poor guy...what was his mother thinking when she picked that name? LOL)
The perp is out there just laughing his ass of (off) while we stumble around like blind mice."
Nice suspenseful hook at the end. It ramps up, feels as tight as the policemen...and keeps the reader engaged.
Nicely done!
Tina
xx
Comment Written 07-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2012
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Hi, Tina. Thank you, my friend, for this awesome review. Always good to get your professional insights and support for the effort. And, of course, so glad you caught those spags. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Terror2s
Grammar: The door opened on the second floor(,)and the man stepped out.
Font: I loved the extra large font. It was easy to read and delightful.
Comments on Style: Nice variation with dialogue tags.
Overall story line: The story was engaging and moved at a nice pace.
Thank you for sharing.
T2
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2012
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Grammar: The door opened on the second floor(,)and the man stepped out.
Font: I loved the extra large font. It was easy to read and delightful.
Comments on Style: Nice variation with dialogue tags.
Overall story line: The story was engaging and moved at a nice pace.
Thank you for sharing.
T2
Comment Written 04-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2012
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Thanks for the review and insights.
Comment from Mai Mai
This is a very interesting piece. I like the character development you have done, but even more I like the descriptions you've laid out. Good work and good luck.
Mai Mai
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2012
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This is a very interesting piece. I like the character development you have done, but even more I like the descriptions you've laid out. Good work and good luck.
Mai Mai
Comment Written 04-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2012
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Thanks for the great review! :0)
Comment from Otto Loewi
This is my first time reading a chapter from this work, and it appears solid. You have realistic, believable characters. The nurse asking to see identification was very plausible (you don't often see that in crime stories). Also, you should be able to edit the size of the text.
Here are a few things that rubbed me the wrong way:
"Its rare"--Just a typo. "Its" should be "It's".
"His glanced quickly"-- Do you mean "He glanced quickly"?
"...with!?" I would remove the exclamation point. It's not needed.
Lastly, I noticed you used the word "quickly" about four times. It was distracting. Consider revising.
Overall, fantastic chapter.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2012
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This is my first time reading a chapter from this work, and it appears solid. You have realistic, believable characters. The nurse asking to see identification was very plausible (you don't often see that in crime stories). Also, you should be able to edit the size of the text.
Here are a few things that rubbed me the wrong way:
"Its rare"--Just a typo. "Its" should be "It's".
"His glanced quickly"-- Do you mean "He glanced quickly"?
"...with!?" I would remove the exclamation point. It's not needed.
Lastly, I noticed you used the word "quickly" about four times. It was distracting. Consider revising.
Overall, fantastic chapter.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2012
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Thanks, Otto. I really appreciate your insights and suggested corrections. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Regards, Bev
Comment from Eleanor Buron
The background is excellent, the characters are rounded, and descriptive details are not over done. The dialogue moves the story - action is building. Good sense of foreboding with the appearance of the middle-aged man. Escellent writing!
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2012
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The background is excellent, the characters are rounded, and descriptive details are not over done. The dialogue moves the story - action is building. Good sense of foreboding with the appearance of the middle-aged man. Escellent writing!
Comment Written 04-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much, Elly. You know I really value your insights, since poets know so much about making an impact with a few, carefully selected words. Your support and generosity mean so much! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Joan E.
Well, we won't go blind reading your chapters! And the artwork helped established the mood. I liked the detail about the hospital's architecture being controversial and your description of the man with the walker, his dialect and the scones to add to the realism of your story. The plot thickens... -Joan
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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Well, we won't go blind reading your chapters! And the artwork helped established the mood. I liked the detail about the hospital's architecture being controversial and your description of the man with the walker, his dialect and the scones to add to the realism of your story. The plot thickens... -Joan
Comment Written 03-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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Ha, thanks Joan! I've had number of reviewers thank me for using the larger print ... go figure. Thanks for your specific insights and encouraging review, Joan. I much appreciate it.
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from uniqueauthor
Beginning a twenty four mile marathon in the twenty-third mile is difficult, but when the writer has used good grammar making the story easy to read, and detail that provides a hook that makes the read want to know who Debra Padget is, it makes the running worth it. I enjoyed the read.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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Beginning a twenty four mile marathon in the twenty-third mile is difficult, but when the writer has used good grammar making the story easy to read, and detail that provides a hook that makes the read want to know who Debra Padget is, it makes the running worth it. I enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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Hi, uniqueauthor. What a richly layered review with a great use of metaphor. Thanks so much for your stopping by to read and for your great review. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Glasstruth
Excellent chapter. Very descriptive and the characters truly come to life. The story moves quickly. Great tension and suggesting that the hospital isn't what it's suppose to be. How true for what's not a story in real life. Wonderfully written. Les
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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Excellent chapter. Very descriptive and the characters truly come to life. The story moves quickly. Great tension and suggesting that the hospital isn't what it's suppose to be. How true for what's not a story in real life. Wonderfully written. Les
Comment Written 03-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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Hi, Les. Thank you much for this generous and supportive review. I really appreciate you stopping by to read! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Writingfundimension,
A couple of interesting surprises in this chapter, the man at the hospital being one. Nice holding of the tension and the suggestion that the hospital isn't as secure as it could be despite the nurse.
Patrick
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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Hi Writingfundimension,
A couple of interesting surprises in this chapter, the man at the hospital being one. Nice holding of the tension and the suggestion that the hospital isn't as secure as it could be despite the nurse.
Patrick
Comment Written 03-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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Hi, Patrick. And more surprises to come, I hope! Thanks so much for your support and generosity. Kind regards, Bev
