Curtain Call
So happy to be stuck on you.82 total reviews
Comment from Gungalo
Ohhhh boy, pretty good out of all that they finally mae a pack to make time for each other. Isn't that enough? I'm sure they will too.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Ohhhh boy, pretty good out of all that they finally mae a pack to make time for each other. Isn't that enough? I'm sure they will too.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Hi, Pam. Thanks for your review. Bob
Comment from Eleanor Buron
Here I thought the story was all heated up with an illicit affair - Arnie and the fortuneteller. The fortune teller is Maureen. LOL - Great U-turn in action mmakes for a very happy ending. The elements of a good story are all present. Typical family with typical time management problems; but their creative problem solving is not typical. It works and makes for a delightful surprise ending.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Here I thought the story was all heated up with an illicit affair - Arnie and the fortuneteller. The fortune teller is Maureen. LOL - Great U-turn in action mmakes for a very happy ending. The elements of a good story are all present. Typical family with typical time management problems; but their creative problem solving is not typical. It works and makes for a delightful surprise ending.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Thanks so much, Elly. I appreciate your time and input as always. Bob
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You're welcome. ;)
Comment from Cornelius2000
What a fun short story. There I was, starting to feel a bit disappointed in Arnie, that he would allow himself to be seduced by this wiley fortuneteller, and BAM, all-of-a-sudden realized that I'd been HAD.
My only thought on this story is one little word that somehow seems awkward and out of place in the midst of all the elegant writing. That is the chair that seemed to "beckon his ass."
But of course that doesn't take away from what is a splendid short story.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2012
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What a fun short story. There I was, starting to feel a bit disappointed in Arnie, that he would allow himself to be seduced by this wiley fortuneteller, and BAM, all-of-a-sudden realized that I'd been HAD.
My only thought on this story is one little word that somehow seems awkward and out of place in the midst of all the elegant writing. That is the chair that seemed to "beckon his ass."
But of course that doesn't take away from what is a splendid short story.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2012
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Hi,Dave. Thanks so much for your review. You are absolutely correct and I changed that line. Funny how things like that slip by no matter what. See what I mean about reading aloud? LOL...Bob
Comment from babylonia
bob,
you could have put this in an erotica book and won the contest. LOL nicely done. made me smiggle. easy to read and follow. no spaggies. imagery is excellent. definitely making me smiggle.
love,
barbara
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2012
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bob,
you could have put this in an erotica book and won the contest. LOL nicely done. made me smiggle. easy to read and follow. no spaggies. imagery is excellent. definitely making me smiggle.
love,
barbara
Comment Written 16-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2012
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Hi, Barb. Thanks so much for yur review and the six stars. Coming from a good writer like you, I am hoonored. Uhhhh...what's a smiggle? LOL...Just guessing here. Bob
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smile+giggle=smiggle
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Makes sense to me. smiggle. :) Bob
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i'm so glad.
:D
Comment from harmony13
Excellent Romance Fiction! The story continued to
keep the reader interested. It flowed and connected well.
The artwork was intriguing and enhanced the read. I always read non-fiction so whenever I read fiction it is a good break in the routine. Thank you, harmony13
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2012
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Excellent Romance Fiction! The story continued to
keep the reader interested. It flowed and connected well.
The artwork was intriguing and enhanced the read. I always read non-fiction so whenever I read fiction it is a good break in the routine. Thank you, harmony13
Comment Written 16-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2012
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Hi, Maria. Thanks so much...I am so glad you enjoyed the story. I am very encouraged by your review. Bob
Comment from Gideon Roth
Good Morning, Bob. I am happy to be back and able to get caught up on my reviews and do a little writing. Wow, what a piece of writing this was. The opening line in this entry has got to be the best since, "They were dead to begin with." It was well written from start to finish with great dialogue and great narrative. It held my interest all the way through and I love the surprises contained in this piece. It is most deserving of all the stars available. I look forward to your next post...Tim
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2012
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Good Morning, Bob. I am happy to be back and able to get caught up on my reviews and do a little writing. Wow, what a piece of writing this was. The opening line in this entry has got to be the best since, "They were dead to begin with." It was well written from start to finish with great dialogue and great narrative. It held my interest all the way through and I love the surprises contained in this piece. It is most deserving of all the stars available. I look forward to your next post...Tim
Comment Written 16-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2012
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Hi, Tim. It's going to take a while for me to get nback in the groove with Short stories. I worked on that novel for over two years and did little else. LOL. Thanks so much for your comments, time and the extra stars. I will be waiting to see you get started again. Blessings. Bob
Comment from Sloegin
WOW! God story. You used some terrific similes and your general description was good.
Your dialogue flowed easily and wasn't stilted or forced.
I liked the way you introduced us to the fact that he was with ,Maureen.
Here are a couple of things to make your story flow a little smoother.
"ALL the windows were pulled ALL the way down." You only need one "all" here.
""Go ahead, what is it, my baby?" I would definitely take out "my baby" It just doesn't seem to fit.
Do you send your work out to be published?
Keep writing.
Sloegin
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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WOW! God story. You used some terrific similes and your general description was good.
Your dialogue flowed easily and wasn't stilted or forced.
I liked the way you introduced us to the fact that he was with ,Maureen.
Here are a couple of things to make your story flow a little smoother.
"ALL the windows were pulled ALL the way down." You only need one "all" here.
""Go ahead, what is it, my baby?" I would definitely take out "my baby" It just doesn't seem to fit.
Do you send your work out to be published?
Keep writing.
Sloegin
Comment Written 16-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Hi, Sloegin. You are a very thorough reviewer....and I am glad. I changed both things accordingly, and I thank you sincerely. I would send my work out to be published if I had a good target. I have written hundreds of query letters in the past five years for my Novels....no good luck...and all of those were rejections from people who didn't even read one word of my work, nor request it from me....like a chapter or something. It's very difficult. I did submit a couple to Alfred Hitlchcock magazine recently...We'll see what happens there.
Thanks so much for your concern and your review. Bob
Comment from Diny
Surprising write today bob sure easier to take care of those things whenyou both live i the same citty! New yorkis a long way off i do come as often asi needto just seems so much nicer witj a partner lol even here you do the tinyest detail well (I would wath the over use of the discriptor sort of like.....) hugs Di
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Surprising write today bob sure easier to take care of those things whenyou both live i the same citty! New yorkis a long way off i do come as often asi needto just seems so much nicer witj a partner lol even here you do the tinyest detail well (I would wath the over use of the discriptor sort of like.....) hugs Di
Comment Written 16-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Hi, Diny. Please forgive me, but I do not understand what you are teling me here. LOL...Distance apart? New York? And the end to wtch something...not sure what. I'm sorry if I am so thick. Bob :)
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My partner lives in NewYork and you seem to use the phrase (sort of) too often and as a treat writer once told me.... it either is or isn't like something not sort of!
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Hi, Diny. Okee dokee...I still don't know where specifically you are refering to in overusing "sort of" LOL...Please enlighten me, would you when you have time? "treat writer?" what or who is that? LOL...Take care, Diny. Bob
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Okay I'll try- I want you to know I respect you sooooooo much- But I observed you overusing like- as a discriptor- it is or isn't or as if- or resembled- here are some examples:
red slippers that looked sort of like the kind toe-dancers wore.
that looked a lot like fresh road kill.
on what looked like a card table
this fortuneteller acting like there was nothing wrong
his loins dissolving like a hot flame burning through old parchment. A sound unlike his own voice rose from his throat, and he pulled her close against him, his face buried in her hair, his mouth pressed like a hungry child's - that last one had 3 (likes) veru close together within two sentences...
I hope that like, makes more sence- sort of- lol
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Thanks Diny. In some of these cases they are similieswhich are usually deemed fine, but I see what you mean. Bob
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and usually most of my indiscript replies are because I was using my kindle and that keyboard is way too tiny typo's gallor- that was you are a GREAT not treat writer-lol
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LOL...LOL...Diny...that is just one more reason I will never have one. I like the feel of a book in my hands...even the comforting smell....old fashioned, I guess. X0 Bob
Comment from Alaskastory
'Curtain Call' held quite a shock or two for me -- as when he tossed off his hairpiece in that strange woman's company, Bob. But you finally gave away who the mysterious gal was with a super surprise ending. Very clever story! Marie
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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'Curtain Call' held quite a shock or two for me -- as when he tossed off his hairpiece in that strange woman's company, Bob. But you finally gave away who the mysterious gal was with a super surprise ending. Very clever story! Marie
Comment Written 16-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Thanks so much, Marie. I appreciate you taking the time and I am glad you enjoyed this one. The six stars are fantastic icing on a fine review. Bless you, Marie. Bob
Comment from gotanenvoy
Excellent piece of writing, it had me fooled until the end, that Arnie had given way to a middle-age fantasy and strayed.
The writing made me want to read on to see what would happen to Arnie. Not once did the prose sag and become irrelevant or boring.
Well done!
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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Excellent piece of writing, it had me fooled until the end, that Arnie had given way to a middle-age fantasy and strayed.
The writing made me want to read on to see what would happen to Arnie. Not once did the prose sag and become irrelevant or boring.
Well done!
Comment Written 15-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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Wow! What a wonderfully thorough review and the six stars are very encouraging also, gotanervoy. (real name please....LOL) I will be watching for your work as well. Thanks for everything. Bob
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Hello Bob,
It's gotanenvoy here, real name Warren.
I've had a health issue with prostate cancer. I had my prostate removed on the 28th of Sept. Now I'm free of cancer I intend to write a short story depicting how prostate cancer affects men.
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I wish you well,Warren. Wow! Sorry to hear about that. I've just been lucky so far, I guess...I am nearly 73 and okay so far. (last check) I will be watching for your story. Suggestion: Why don't you put it in story form and you tell it as third person...that way you can add more drama, pathos, humor whatever and just put in author's notes that it really is you in the stjory. Just a thought so you may get more readers and reviews. Bob
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I think your suggestion Bob is the way to go. A title I like for the piece is - Enemy Within. I'm aiming to have the story finished by the end of this month.
The urologist that did the operation allowed me to keep a training aid version of one of the instruments they used on me. I'm going to make a wall plaque from it.
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Good idea...Bob
