The Rose of Sharon
A Valentine's letter to my wife18 total reviews
Comment from Realist101
Oh Ingrid...stunning. I have tears coming. This is so good...and no six allowed. I'm sorry. VERY sad, very well written. I didn't see a spag either! Most outstanding and enjoyable. Bravo! xoxo, Susan
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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Oh Ingrid...stunning. I have tears coming. This is so good...and no six allowed. I'm sorry. VERY sad, very well written. I didn't see a spag either! Most outstanding and enjoyable. Bravo! xoxo, Susan
Comment Written 24-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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A dream inspired story about a couple of friends who have passed.
Comment from Chrisfiore
Hello SE, This was a very moving portrait. I kept waiting for that wry wit and sarcastic humor to rear up, but it did not, much to my surprise. I like this side of you. ;) Chrisfiore
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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Hello SE, This was a very moving portrait. I kept waiting for that wry wit and sarcastic humor to rear up, but it did not, much to my surprise. I like this side of you. ;) Chrisfiore
Comment Written 16-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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I'm like a Roger's cable package. You might just want one channel, but you have to accept the whole package! Thanks for reading.
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Ha! Great analogy ... ;)
Comment from irishauthorme
I don't have any sixes left but this certainly deserves one.
Touching, poignant and very well written. The love and devotion came through, as well as the anger against a fate that would offer you happiness only to snatch it away. Also felt the frustration of being helpless against that terrible disease. Great devotional.
irish
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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I don't have any sixes left but this certainly deserves one.
Touching, poignant and very well written. The love and devotion came through, as well as the anger against a fate that would offer you happiness only to snatch it away. Also felt the frustration of being helpless against that terrible disease. Great devotional.
irish
Comment Written 16-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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thankyou I'm glad that my words could touch you and remind us that love comes in all forms and dimensions.
Comment from Mastery
Superb writing, Ingrid! Writing with a man's heart and yet being so effective with your choice of words. I think this paragraph is an outstanding example of your talent for projecting images and color to a story.
It's hard to believe Valentine's Day has rolled around again. I found myself staring through the florist's window, wondering about which flowers you'd appreciate, remembering the early years when daisies were your favourites.
"We were kids... crazy, crazy kids, who thought we invented love. It was easy to make you smile way back then. The daisies grew wild in the fields around town. We'd run through the pastures as if we were auditioning for some shampoo commercial. Your long auburn curls would dance and play tricks with my heart as the sun splashed its glow on our game of tag. Oh Sharon, you always let me catch you"
Bravo! Bob
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Superb writing, Ingrid! Writing with a man's heart and yet being so effective with your choice of words. I think this paragraph is an outstanding example of your talent for projecting images and color to a story.
It's hard to believe Valentine's Day has rolled around again. I found myself staring through the florist's window, wondering about which flowers you'd appreciate, remembering the early years when daisies were your favourites.
"We were kids... crazy, crazy kids, who thought we invented love. It was easy to make you smile way back then. The daisies grew wild in the fields around town. We'd run through the pastures as if we were auditioning for some shampoo commercial. Your long auburn curls would dance and play tricks with my heart as the sun splashed its glow on our game of tag. Oh Sharon, you always let me catch you"
Bravo! Bob
Comment Written 15-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Thank you. A 6 star review from you is like winning an Oscar.
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:) Bob
Comment from Judian James
Excellent Ingrid! It's not easy writing in a man's POV as a woman, but this was totally believable. I know nothing about cancer, so the vomiting bit as part of the cancer was shocking and oh, so sad. The entire piece was palpable.
The last line needs a gentle tweak but I'm not sure what to suggest. Somehow flipping it, "I clutched the roses to my chest, as I walked toward the cemetery ... seems more poignant to me. OR I'd at least move the comma to come after "heart" rather than between "remembering" and "missing" Just a thought to take or toss. I LOVED it.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Excellent Ingrid! It's not easy writing in a man's POV as a woman, but this was totally believable. I know nothing about cancer, so the vomiting bit as part of the cancer was shocking and oh, so sad. The entire piece was palpable.
The last line needs a gentle tweak but I'm not sure what to suggest. Somehow flipping it, "I clutched the roses to my chest, as I walked toward the cemetery ... seems more poignant to me. OR I'd at least move the comma to come after "heart" rather than between "remembering" and "missing" Just a thought to take or toss. I LOVED it.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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The major side effects of chemo are vomitting, sometimes extremely severe....chemo is poison and you are killing part of your body. Hair loss is fairly well understood and worse is the overpowering desire to sleep, sometimes so intense that one wants to sleep forever.
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Oh, I know but when she was vomiting initially, they assumed she was pregnant. That's the vomiting I didn't understand
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False pregnancies can produce all the symptoms of real pregnancy....it seems strange, but even abdomenal swelling is common.
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I had no idea. Now, I understand.
Really, really well written Ingrid
Comment from Cumbrianlass
This is so heart-wrenching, my friend. A beautiful story of a love won and lost to a terrible disease. Been there, done that. You capture the emotion so well - a roller coaster ride of ecstasy and heartbreak. Wow. Amazing.
A few things - take or leave, my friend - they are only my opinions - this is a fantastic write as is.
We'd run through the pastures as if we were auditioning for some shampoo commercial. - Great image!
There, under the moonlight(,) we smiled and nodded at each other.
As you kneeled (prefer 'knelt' personally - just an opinion) in front of the toilet retching violently,
Cancer, there it was; the filthiest word in the English language. - Again, just personal opinion, Ingrid. I think this would sound better split into separate sentences. There it was. Cancer. The filthiest word in the English language.
I walked towards the cemetery, looking forward to our date. - Just opinion again. 'looking forward' didn't quite do it for me.
Maybe something like: I walked toward the cemetery, toward that peaceful corner where you rest. I miss you so much, Sharon.
Av
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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This is so heart-wrenching, my friend. A beautiful story of a love won and lost to a terrible disease. Been there, done that. You capture the emotion so well - a roller coaster ride of ecstasy and heartbreak. Wow. Amazing.
A few things - take or leave, my friend - they are only my opinions - this is a fantastic write as is.
We'd run through the pastures as if we were auditioning for some shampoo commercial. - Great image!
There, under the moonlight(,) we smiled and nodded at each other.
As you kneeled (prefer 'knelt' personally - just an opinion) in front of the toilet retching violently,
Cancer, there it was; the filthiest word in the English language. - Again, just personal opinion, Ingrid. I think this would sound better split into separate sentences. There it was. Cancer. The filthiest word in the English language.
I walked towards the cemetery, looking forward to our date. - Just opinion again. 'looking forward' didn't quite do it for me.
Maybe something like: I walked toward the cemetery, toward that peaceful corner where you rest. I miss you so much, Sharon.
Av
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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walked towards the cemetary, the roses clutched against my heart, remembering, missing you. Better? I agree and changd the other points. I too prefered knelt instead of kneeed. Thanks, ingrid
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BRILLIANT!
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it wasn't until you said so that suddenly it seemed trite...
Comment from Maureen's Pen
This was such an overwhelming emotional piece. It grabs a part of me that feels the pain and torture dealing with cancer.
It is a heartless disease, that tears at the soul.
Your story flowed so well. There was great imagery and love within your lines. It filled me and scared me at the same time. This was very well written and a beautiful example of the pain one may encounter with such life challenges.
This felt real, great emotion, your characters seemed real and had their depth which pulls the reader to hoping she has won battle......and your last line heartbreaking.
Great job overall. I enjoyed reading this very much.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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This was such an overwhelming emotional piece. It grabs a part of me that feels the pain and torture dealing with cancer.
It is a heartless disease, that tears at the soul.
Your story flowed so well. There was great imagery and love within your lines. It filled me and scared me at the same time. This was very well written and a beautiful example of the pain one may encounter with such life challenges.
This felt real, great emotion, your characters seemed real and had their depth which pulls the reader to hoping she has won battle......and your last line heartbreaking.
Great job overall. I enjoyed reading this very much.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Thanks for sharing your reaction to this stiry and your kind words.
Comment from DALLAS01
This is very sad but I think very realistic. You captured in his character a lot of the mixed emotions most would have. As a reader, I was just wondering if your first paragraph shouldn't be changed to feel more like present tense..I think it kind of gave away your ending, which is in the present tense. If this were mine I would eliminate Oh My darling, and change found to find and insert a period after appreciate. Then eliminate remembering the early years and just start next paragraph with Daisies were your favorites.
I loved this paragraph, it was so real:
I admit, Sharon, that's when I began to hate flowers. When you were finally brought back to your room the place looked like a greenhouse with bouquets and vases crammed onto every flat surface. It smelled like a funeral parlour and I was too close to that possibility to appreciate their beauty.
This is so powerful:
It was when your beautiful hair began to fall out that you pulled back, began to separate from our marriage, from me. I'd wake up beside you, covered in faded strings of hair, dull auburn reminders of a battle that even sleep did not spare.
leg (how about appendix)
loved this line:
your smile, the shy return to life.
You keep me busy at lunch.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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This is very sad but I think very realistic. You captured in his character a lot of the mixed emotions most would have. As a reader, I was just wondering if your first paragraph shouldn't be changed to feel more like present tense..I think it kind of gave away your ending, which is in the present tense. If this were mine I would eliminate Oh My darling, and change found to find and insert a period after appreciate. Then eliminate remembering the early years and just start next paragraph with Daisies were your favorites.
I loved this paragraph, it was so real:
I admit, Sharon, that's when I began to hate flowers. When you were finally brought back to your room the place looked like a greenhouse with bouquets and vases crammed onto every flat surface. It smelled like a funeral parlour and I was too close to that possibility to appreciate their beauty.
This is so powerful:
It was when your beautiful hair began to fall out that you pulled back, began to separate from our marriage, from me. I'd wake up beside you, covered in faded strings of hair, dull auburn reminders of a battle that even sleep did not spare.
leg (how about appendix)
loved this line:
your smile, the shy return to life.
You keep me busy at lunch.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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I changed the ending to past tense, but if I ever decide to do something with it I'm saving your points to review. Nah appendix is too clinical for the tone of the story, but the rest is valid. Thanks.
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great story.
Comment from Sasha
This brought tears to my eyes and memories of so many I know that have passed on after losing their battle with cancer. Your words touched me deeply and reminded me of how fortunate I am to have been one of the lucky ones. Excellent story and so, so very sad.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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This brought tears to my eyes and memories of so many I know that have passed on after losing their battle with cancer. Your words touched me deeply and reminded me of how fortunate I am to have been one of the lucky ones. Excellent story and so, so very sad.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Yes it was, and this story was also in memory of those that have passes and the secrets they shared with me. Happy Valentine's Day, ingrid
Comment from livingwords
Wow. This is a very heart rendering story. So relieved to see it is fiction. It sounded too real. Excellent writing. Perhaps the best I've read of your many excellent posts. Dan :))
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Wow. This is a very heart rendering story. So relieved to see it is fiction. It sounded too real. Excellent writing. Perhaps the best I've read of your many excellent posts. Dan :))
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Well thank you for that Valentine review. Being a regular stuff muffin, and you truly are, its easy to forget the lonely people on a day devoted to love. My hope in writing this for neither real or FS dollars is to perhaps evoke a random act of kindness by those folks who might read this and be touched by the sentiment. Call it "Give a Bag Lady a Rose Day" and change a life, if only for a moment.
