Paranormal Adventures
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Malum Exemplum "Case Studies of Hauntings
28 total reviews
Comment from Joy Graham
The plot thickens. The sheriff sounds like a typical lawman out of Dukes of Hazard. Is the contractor tied up to the sacrifice table?
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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The plot thickens. The sheriff sounds like a typical lawman out of Dukes of Hazard. Is the contractor tied up to the sacrifice table?
Comment Written 25-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Thank you SO much, Joy. I'm keeping all of your notes for when I go back for the re-write. I've learned a lot about writing since beginning that book. I'm sure I can improve it in a lot of ways and you're giving me the impetus to really consider that. Xxx Bev
Comment from closetpoetjester
Good golly plenty of action in this chapter Bev. Luke certainly seems to be a huge asset to his team. Great descriptions of how thorough Luke is with the examination of the footage and it looks like he is onto something. Nice dialogue between Luke and Sheriff Porter...there has to be a conflict of interest there somewhere surely. Now, what on earth has happened to Jim? A date with the devil? Seared eyeballs...salt...Ouch! Thats gotta hurt. No wonder he doesn't want to be saved. I enjoyed this read and great ending albeit FAR too short...yes. Still, enough info to make the reader want more and to read on.
Yes please.
Cheers Closet xoxo
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012
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Good golly plenty of action in this chapter Bev. Luke certainly seems to be a huge asset to his team. Great descriptions of how thorough Luke is with the examination of the footage and it looks like he is onto something. Nice dialogue between Luke and Sheriff Porter...there has to be a conflict of interest there somewhere surely. Now, what on earth has happened to Jim? A date with the devil? Seared eyeballs...salt...Ouch! Thats gotta hurt. No wonder he doesn't want to be saved. I enjoyed this read and great ending albeit FAR too short...yes. Still, enough info to make the reader want more and to read on.
Yes please.
Cheers Closet xoxo
Comment Written 02-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012
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I am thinking of putting this into a script at some point in the near future, so your review here is very valuable for the idea of how the visuals can be a part of the story/script. This is on hiatus for a while until I get my poop in a group and decide how I want to go forward. Thanks for your superb review, my friend. I much appreciate all the time you obviously took in reading and reviewing. Love ya, bevvski XXX
Comment from Kyle Renton
Magnificent read!! I thoroughly enjoyed it!! It was short but good, the only thing i could think off to say, and I've said it before, it was great!!
Keep it up!!!
Regards
Kyle Renton
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2012
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Magnificent read!! I thoroughly enjoyed it!! It was short but good, the only thing i could think off to say, and I've said it before, it was great!!
Keep it up!!!
Regards
Kyle Renton
Comment Written 05-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Kyle. I appreciate your great review, my friend. I'll be posting another chapter soon. Honestly, I don't lack for ideas or time, I do lack in the amount of money that it takes to post on the site. Not complaining, it is what it is.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
This is great. Will be back for more.
Here's a few suggestions.
It wasn't long before the entire Team had come to value Luke's talent for ferreting out evidence of paranormal activity. --- Repeating "paranormal activity" here gives it an echo-affect. Maybe something like "such evidence."
If there was any doubt whatsoever
about the possib[i]lity of contamination,
If anyone could get to the bottom of the bizarre happenings at Bellingham Manor, Luke firmly believed in his Team's ability to rip apart its nefarious
web of mystery. --- When you say "If anyone could," you have to follow with "so-and-so could." The end of the sentence doesn't match its beginning. "Luke believed in his team's ability to do so by ripping"
He just hoped that[,] in so doing[,] they did not wreck the fabric of trust and affection each member held for the other.
He was blind to the [approaching] winter-weakened daylight.
But then[,] until a few hours prior[,] he had not believed in the devil, either.
Roberta
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2012
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This is great. Will be back for more.
Here's a few suggestions.
It wasn't long before the entire Team had come to value Luke's talent for ferreting out evidence of paranormal activity. --- Repeating "paranormal activity" here gives it an echo-affect. Maybe something like "such evidence."
If there was any doubt whatsoever
about the possib[i]lity of contamination,
If anyone could get to the bottom of the bizarre happenings at Bellingham Manor, Luke firmly believed in his Team's ability to rip apart its nefarious
web of mystery. --- When you say "If anyone could," you have to follow with "so-and-so could." The end of the sentence doesn't match its beginning. "Luke believed in his team's ability to do so by ripping"
He just hoped that[,] in so doing[,] they did not wreck the fabric of trust and affection each member held for the other.
He was blind to the [approaching] winter-weakened daylight.
But then[,] until a few hours prior[,] he had not believed in the devil, either.
Roberta
Comment Written 05-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much, Roberta, for your excellent review! I really appreciate your help in tightening up my chapter and your generous review. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from TammyGail
Bev, Your chapter was one I couldn't stop reading, very well written and expressed your dialogue keeps your readers full attentive att throughout. Thanks for the background notes as well.
Loved the imagery you used for this it indeed makes the reader wonder what they dipping their mind into..
And lol it was a great dip indeed these closing lines really set your reader up for the next chapter.
"He would not beg a god he didn't believe in to save him. But then until a few hours prior he had not believed in the devil, either.
Soon enough, icy water would submerge his bound body, and with a mighty lunge, set his corpse floating free."
Boy oh boy that really says so much. Can't wait for the next I'll be looking out for it thank you ever much for the read sweetie it was a pleasure.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2012
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Bev, Your chapter was one I couldn't stop reading, very well written and expressed your dialogue keeps your readers full attentive att throughout. Thanks for the background notes as well.
Loved the imagery you used for this it indeed makes the reader wonder what they dipping their mind into..
And lol it was a great dip indeed these closing lines really set your reader up for the next chapter.
"He would not beg a god he didn't believe in to save him. But then until a few hours prior he had not believed in the devil, either.
Soon enough, icy water would submerge his bound body, and with a mighty lunge, set his corpse floating free."
Boy oh boy that really says so much. Can't wait for the next I'll be looking out for it thank you ever much for the read sweetie it was a pleasure.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2012
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Thanks so much for this awesome review, Tammy. I really appreciate your checking out my chapter and being so specific as to what worked for you. That is always so helpful! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Bellringer
Bev, Very well written chapter with a highly believable storyline, setting and dialogue. As with your past chapters, there was plenty of ominous tension in this one. What a way to close the chapter! Gave me the shivers!. Blessings, Hector
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2012
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Bev, Very well written chapter with a highly believable storyline, setting and dialogue. As with your past chapters, there was plenty of ominous tension in this one. What a way to close the chapter! Gave me the shivers!. Blessings, Hector
Comment Written 05-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2012
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Hi, Hector. So glad you liked the chapter. I really appreciate your hanging in there with me and your excellent insights and review. Blessings, Bev
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You're welcome, my friend. Can't believe another year of writing has begun! Warmly, Hector
Comment from keondae
Interesting and smooth flowing! I especially like the part saying,
He would not beg a god he didn't believe in to save him. But then until a few hours prior he had not believed in the devil, either.
Soon enough, icy water would submerge his bound body, and with a mighty lunge, set his corpse floating free.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2012
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Interesting and smooth flowing! I especially like the part saying,
He would not beg a god he didn't believe in to save him. But then until a few hours prior he had not believed in the devil, either.
Soon enough, icy water would submerge his bound body, and with a mighty lunge, set his corpse floating free.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2012
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Thanks so much keondae. I appreciate very much your generous review and support for this chapter. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Rahul@ISM_India
I really enjoyed this chapter,Really interesting
Perfect artwork to compliment your story
Thanks for sharing
Pleasure reading and reviewing
Wish you a Happy New Year!!
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2012
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I really enjoyed this chapter,Really interesting
Perfect artwork to compliment your story
Thanks for sharing
Pleasure reading and reviewing
Wish you a Happy New Year!!
Comment Written 04-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2012
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Thanks so much Rahul, for reading and reviewing my chapter. I sure appreciate the support! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Humm, a corpse. You have done another good job with this post. You left a good hook and I can't wait to see where you are going.
"Everything's under control here, at least for now." Mike reported. (comma after now)
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2012
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Humm, a corpse. You have done another good job with this post. You left a good hook and I can't wait to see where you are going.
"Everything's under control here, at least for now." Mike reported. (comma after now)
Comment Written 03-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2012
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Thanks so much, barbara. I sure appreciate the sharp eye for detail and the supportive review. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Writingfundimension,
Found another of your items to read. An interesting premise and I know I've read some of the earlier chapters. Didin't see any spag and the story moves very nicely with plenty of mystery and menace.
The Sheriff sounds like a real piece of work of the "got a suspect, now I'll make the evidence fit" variety ...
Patrick
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2012
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Hi Writingfundimension,
Found another of your items to read. An interesting premise and I know I've read some of the earlier chapters. Didin't see any spag and the story moves very nicely with plenty of mystery and menace.
The Sheriff sounds like a real piece of work of the "got a suspect, now I'll make the evidence fit" variety ...
Patrick
Comment Written 03-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2012
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Hi, Patrick. What a great review. Thank you so much for reading and commenting on my chapter. I've learned a lot about being a better writer - still a ways to go - with the writing of this novel. Your comments are much appreciate! Warm regards, Bev
