Paranormal Adventures
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "The Weak Link"Case Studies of Hauntings
32 total reviews
Comment from Cindy Warren
Oooh, things are really starting to get creepy. I'm still trying to catch up, don't have time to review each chapter seperately. Nice work. Now I want to stick around and see what happens next.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2014
Oooh, things are really starting to get creepy. I'm still trying to catch up, don't have time to review each chapter seperately. Nice work. Now I want to stick around and see what happens next.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2014
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Hi, Cindy. Please don't feel any pressure to review. I'm enjoying your enthusiasm and it's as good as a review! :) Bev
Comment from Joy Graham
"(carmel) colored walls" - caramel I think.
"(Emma's) screamed for help" - Emma screamed
This just keeps getting better and better :)
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
"(carmel) colored walls" - caramel I think.
"(Emma's) screamed for help" - Emma screamed
This just keeps getting better and better :)
Comment Written 25-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Thanks for the sharp eye. Glad you're enjoying it. Xxx Bev
Comment from closetpoetjester
Yikes Bev, great chapter with an interesting finish.
Well I either don't need glasses for reading now or you made the font bigger! LOL Nice continuation of your story and I haven't been back in awhile so it took me a minute to get my bearings. Hope the guys captured something on all their whizzbanger ghost recording machinery. It seems nearly all the team is in danger here and the ghoulies are starting to play havoc...especially taking liberties and inflicting pain at the end there. Great job in the telling, I always feel as though I am right there, thats why I must review in the day time...plenty of suspense
Critique...this line is destrengthed imo with the bit "Mike coldly ordered" at the start:
"Mike coldly ordered, "Stay here and think about getting your priorities straight, Luke. I'm going to make sure the rest of our team is safe."
What about this:
"Stay here and think about getting your priorities straight, Luke!" Mike ordered coldly(.) "I'm going to make sure the rest of our team is safe."
I do think it sounds stronger and has more impact as a command this way. Just my thoughts, but as you know I am NO story editor Bevski.
Very enjoyable chapter...I shall endeavour to catch up on the rest of these chapters.
Forgive me if I don't follow some of the religious stories etc...due to time I have to forego some posts...I want to follow this story though and enjoy your poetry too so I try and get up to date soon. Well done.
Cheers Closet xoxo
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
Yikes Bev, great chapter with an interesting finish.
Well I either don't need glasses for reading now or you made the font bigger! LOL Nice continuation of your story and I haven't been back in awhile so it took me a minute to get my bearings. Hope the guys captured something on all their whizzbanger ghost recording machinery. It seems nearly all the team is in danger here and the ghoulies are starting to play havoc...especially taking liberties and inflicting pain at the end there. Great job in the telling, I always feel as though I am right there, thats why I must review in the day time...plenty of suspense
Critique...this line is destrengthed imo with the bit "Mike coldly ordered" at the start:
"Mike coldly ordered, "Stay here and think about getting your priorities straight, Luke. I'm going to make sure the rest of our team is safe."
What about this:
"Stay here and think about getting your priorities straight, Luke!" Mike ordered coldly(.) "I'm going to make sure the rest of our team is safe."
I do think it sounds stronger and has more impact as a command this way. Just my thoughts, but as you know I am NO story editor Bevski.
Very enjoyable chapter...I shall endeavour to catch up on the rest of these chapters.
Forgive me if I don't follow some of the religious stories etc...due to time I have to forego some posts...I want to follow this story though and enjoy your poetry too so I try and get up to date soon. Well done.
Cheers Closet xoxo
Comment Written 25-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Hi, closet. Wow, this is a great review and chock full of good sense and suggestions. I've put this series on hiatus while I'm writing a new one that seems to have a little more urgent need to get written! But, I will gladly go back and take a peek at ways to improve based on your observations. Always a treat to get your unique perspective. And, I think you would make a fine editor if you were looking for another hat to wear. Xxx Bevvski.
Comment from Paradox Tremors
I don't think Emma will go so willingly after this attack--I wouldn't. And, I'm sorry and know it hurts (trust me, I'm talking from experience), but Mike got what he deserved; Mia did what she needed to, protect, and then ask questions later. Well written. I wish I could give you a six for this.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
I don't think Emma will go so willingly after this attack--I wouldn't. And, I'm sorry and know it hurts (trust me, I'm talking from experience), but Mike got what he deserved; Mia did what she needed to, protect, and then ask questions later. Well written. I wish I could give you a six for this.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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You're right again! I think our Emma will get her dander up and refuse to leave...glad you read my thoughts on this one. Thanks for your great review and wish for another six. I'm just so humbled by your graciousness, PT. You're the man! Hugs, Bev
Comment from missy98writer
Bev,
Your chapter is riveting and wonderfully written. It appears that your latest chapter is shaping up quite nicely. You've succeeded to write another mighty fine and enjoyable chapter. Your dialogue is very good in this chapter. Your descriptive writing is excellent in your latest chapter. As I read along the chapter came to life in my head. You do a nice job with action and dialogue that's matching. I look forward to reading future chapters and to see where you take your story. You are doing a marvelous job writing this chapter. Keep on writing compelling additions to your book that's coming along. Please have a blessed day...Melissa.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2011
Bev,
Your chapter is riveting and wonderfully written. It appears that your latest chapter is shaping up quite nicely. You've succeeded to write another mighty fine and enjoyable chapter. Your dialogue is very good in this chapter. Your descriptive writing is excellent in your latest chapter. As I read along the chapter came to life in my head. You do a nice job with action and dialogue that's matching. I look forward to reading future chapters and to see where you take your story. You are doing a marvelous job writing this chapter. Keep on writing compelling additions to your book that's coming along. Please have a blessed day...Melissa.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2011
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Thank you so very much, Melissa. I really appreciate your specific insights into the write...that's alway so helpful for me. My effort is to improve my writing with every chapter. I continue to study the how-to's of good writing (so many great resources) and have a natural fascination for the paranormal. So, hopefully that will continue to make the story even more compelling as I go along. A tall order, but I hope to get there! Your support is most appreciated, my friend. Heart blessings, Bev
Comment from poetstar
This is an interesting chapter full of mystery and excitement because they are dealing with supernatural beings. The story did not lull and kept my interest the entire time. Thanks for sharing your time and talents with this fine piece.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2011
This is an interesting chapter full of mystery and excitement because they are dealing with supernatural beings. The story did not lull and kept my interest the entire time. Thanks for sharing your time and talents with this fine piece.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2011
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Thank you much, poetstar. I'm enjoying this series and really appreciate you taking time to read my chapter and send along your generous review. It helps to know what works for the reader and your insights are most helpful! Kind regards, Bev
Comment from FlamingSpade
Yep! Fascinating and gripping. I was pulled in from the very beginning. I can't believe I came in at chapt 16 and feel comfortable with your story. Love your characters. Love your voice. Ginger
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2011
Yep! Fascinating and gripping. I was pulled in from the very beginning. I can't believe I came in at chapt 16 and feel comfortable with your story. Love your characters. Love your voice. Ginger
Comment Written 28-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2011
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Hi, Ginger. Thank you so much for this splendid and generous review. I appreciate you taking time to read my chapter and offer your great insights. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Pen&Ink
Hey Bev, this is very very good! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your tight prose. Everything made sense and the tension built all the way through. I have but one tiny correction to offer:
I'm guessing "Emma's screamed for help..." should have read "Emma screamed for help..."
Other than that, no changes necessary.
Hope your Thanksgiving went well.
Ray
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2011
Hey Bev, this is very very good! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your tight prose. Everything made sense and the tension built all the way through. I have but one tiny correction to offer:
I'm guessing "Emma's screamed for help..." should have read "Emma screamed for help..."
Other than that, no changes necessary.
Hope your Thanksgiving went well.
Ray
Comment Written 26-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2011
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Hi, Ray. Thanks so much! I'm so pleased that you liked the chapter and I much appreciate the SPAG that only your sharp eyes caught lol! I've taken a clas with Brooke and I still freeze when facing all those commas, etc. Your generosity is very touching...Warm Regards, Bev
Comment from c_lucas
It is a good thing to control your fears when faced with a paranormal adversary. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2011
It is a good thing to control your fears when faced with a paranormal adversary. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2011
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I totally agree, charlie. Thanks for stopping by! Bev
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You're welcome, Bev. Charlie
Comment from JW
This chapter makes an interesting addition to your story. One can only imagine the shock of being branded while you sleep.
Definitely, not a good thing.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2011
This chapter makes an interesting addition to your story. One can only imagine the shock of being branded while you sleep.
Definitely, not a good thing.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
Comment Written 25-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2011
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Hi, Jonathon. Thanks much for stopping by! Bev