The Two of Me
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "The Battling Brothers"Chochee Medina Life and Times
2 total reviews
Comment from DragonBlue
I liked:
how candid and honest your story is. I can see you and your brothers in my local pub, on a Thursday night arguing with each other, which is fine, because brothers (and sisters mind you), will argue, especially when you add alcohol to the mixture.
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Structure challenges:
This injury from a 357 magnum bullet almost completely took off the lower half of Jumbo's right leg. For
I think you meant: .357 magnum and
lower half of Jimbo's right leg.
******************************************
One hot afternoon my brother Jimbo, my eldest brother Roy who was also known as "Crow'' for sharing with our friends a story told by our father that when you heard a crow caw - this meant there was some good or bad news for the person the crow was cawing at (oddly enough this was too often a true statement) and myself, went to cool off at a local bar and have a few beers.
It is only my humble opinion, but I think you should tell the story of "crow" and then move onto what you three were doing. Example:
My eldest brother's name is Roy and he received the nickname of "Crow" for sharing with our friends a story told by our father that when you heard a crow caw - this meant there was some good or bad news for the person the crow was cawing at (oddly enough this was too often a true statement).
We three, Jimbo, Crow and I, went to cool off at a local bar and have a few beers.
****************************************
"I don't need you fight my battles for me".
I think you meant: I don't need you to fight my battles for me.
****************************************
the bar tender declared
bartender is one word
****************************************
your all too crazy alone and way too crazy when your together.
I think you meant: You're all too crazy alone and way to crazy when you're together.
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In conclusion:
I like the closeness of your relationship with your brothers and the fact that anyone from anywhere can relate to your story.
Write On~
)O(
DragonBlue
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2011
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I liked:
how candid and honest your story is. I can see you and your brothers in my local pub, on a Thursday night arguing with each other, which is fine, because brothers (and sisters mind you), will argue, especially when you add alcohol to the mixture.
------------------
Structure challenges:
This injury from a 357 magnum bullet almost completely took off the lower half of Jumbo's right leg. For
I think you meant: .357 magnum and
lower half of Jimbo's right leg.
******************************************
One hot afternoon my brother Jimbo, my eldest brother Roy who was also known as "Crow'' for sharing with our friends a story told by our father that when you heard a crow caw - this meant there was some good or bad news for the person the crow was cawing at (oddly enough this was too often a true statement) and myself, went to cool off at a local bar and have a few beers.
It is only my humble opinion, but I think you should tell the story of "crow" and then move onto what you three were doing. Example:
My eldest brother's name is Roy and he received the nickname of "Crow" for sharing with our friends a story told by our father that when you heard a crow caw - this meant there was some good or bad news for the person the crow was cawing at (oddly enough this was too often a true statement).
We three, Jimbo, Crow and I, went to cool off at a local bar and have a few beers.
****************************************
"I don't need you fight my battles for me".
I think you meant: I don't need you to fight my battles for me.
****************************************
the bar tender declared
bartender is one word
****************************************
your all too crazy alone and way too crazy when your together.
I think you meant: You're all too crazy alone and way to crazy when you're together.
----------------------------------
In conclusion:
I like the closeness of your relationship with your brothers and the fact that anyone from anywhere can relate to your story.
Write On~
)O(
DragonBlue
Comment Written 07-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2011
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Thank you - my brain gets ahead of my fingers typing
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I understand, as do mine. Write on!
Comment from oNray
A understandable situation. Them damn bar's have sure started a lot of fights. I found the longer I stayed out of them the longer I went without beating some guys fist with my face:)
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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A understandable situation. Them damn bar's have sure started a lot of fights. I found the longer I stayed out of them the longer I went without beating some guys fist with my face:)
Comment Written 06-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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A very true statement - Thank you for comments.
