Pumpkinhead
story in a poem17 total reviews
Comment from misscookie
Wow this is a strong prose/ poem and if one really read within the lines this poem khas a very strong message wuithin it. I enjoyed reading your work.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Wow this is a strong prose/ poem and if one really read within the lines this poem khas a very strong message wuithin it. I enjoyed reading your work.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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I'm so glad to hear from you, misscookie. Thanks for this super review that tells me you read my poem with great understanding. Thanks so much.
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It was my pleasure, ntil next time.
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Most welcome.
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Until next time.
Comment from kiwisteveh
I quite liked the increasing line lengths and the irregularity and variation in rhyme types. The tale gathers intensity as it progresses which is good.
However, I lost the plot (literally) towards the end - you seem to have thrown 'cauldron' in just to manufacture a rhyme for 'children' and where did the ancient gravetard come from?
I get (I think) that it might be hallucinatory/nightmare so not necessarily logical, but I was still confused...
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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I quite liked the increasing line lengths and the irregularity and variation in rhyme types. The tale gathers intensity as it progresses which is good.
However, I lost the plot (literally) towards the end - you seem to have thrown 'cauldron' in just to manufacture a rhyme for 'children' and where did the ancient gravetard come from?
I get (I think) that it might be hallucinatory/nightmare so not necessarily logical, but I was still confused...
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Kiwistevah, this is considered and I thank you. In horror tales we usually don't set up the horror, and this could become confusing because I left the inferences to the reader. She was real, lost, and a drug dealer. Of course the house with the pumpkin on the porch was all a nightmarish vision and part of her demise because she had ended up in the old graveyard, which was only meantioned after the fact, not to be redundant. But I know I'm just learning all this, so now I see how you may see it. I need to work on these areas, thank you. About cauldron: I was trying to say she was a meth dealer, and I don't personally know, but i've heard they cook stuff, thus the pot.
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Thanks for the explanation - I have upgraded the rating - it was a borderline call anyway.
There's still something that bothers me - I guess the ending is still unclear - where's the body? and she goes on narrating after death...
How to cook meth... You mean you have never seen the greatest show on TV, 'Breaking Bad'? I recommend it to everybody - re-watching Series 3 now while I wait anxiously for Series 4...
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In the quicksand--no criminal mind people here or they would have found her. NArration? Honestly I didn't think that far, but she's a ghost, I guess. But since her "prayer" made it right she shouldn't be haunting, so who's narrating...ahhhhh,ha? And to Breaking Bad, yeah I saw it once I think, but I don't think I quite got it. I knew they were doping some way. Lastly, how did they know to come out to this old graveyard? GPS, on the car and "Lookout" on the cell, but you knew that. I truly appreciate this review, if you'd given me a 2, the learning from your review would have meant more. But you didn't and I thank you for all.
Comment from Van
Nice halloween story. Would make for a great campfire story for the kids. Good use of abcb rhyme scheme.
Content: good
flow: good
mechanics: good
nice submission
Great pic/text combination.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Nice halloween story. Would make for a great campfire story for the kids. Good use of abcb rhyme scheme.
Content: good
flow: good
mechanics: good
nice submission
Great pic/text combination.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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You have pointed out things about my writing I didn't notice, although I did purposely rhyme, this helps me--thank you. The picture is mine, thank you again, so much.
Comment from brighterside
Really enjoyed your poem it was very scary and thrilling,the background being black really made it stand out and liked the pumpkin head too especially when you mentioned in the poem too
there is nothing you have to change as its perfect the way it is fab
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Really enjoyed your poem it was very scary and thrilling,the background being black really made it stand out and liked the pumpkin head too especially when you mentioned in the poem too
there is nothing you have to change as its perfect the way it is fab
Comment Written 05-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Yeah, that was my own pumpkin, and I appreaciate this nice comment. This is a helpful review.
Comment from ulster3
Hello, donnadiann.
As you may be aware, in all my time on FS I have never done copied reviews or thanks for a review received. Unfortunately, I'm so far behind at this time I have little choice to do otherwise.
Please know I have read your work, and as always, enjoyed it very much. Please excuse the lack of individual comment, but if I had not liked it you would not receive this.
Fondly, and with regret for a long negligence to the site and your good work...Rebecca
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2011
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Hello, donnadiann.
As you may be aware, in all my time on FS I have never done copied reviews or thanks for a review received. Unfortunately, I'm so far behind at this time I have little choice to do otherwise.
Please know I have read your work, and as always, enjoyed it very much. Please excuse the lack of individual comment, but if I had not liked it you would not receive this.
Fondly, and with regret for a long negligence to the site and your good work...Rebecca
Comment Written 03-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2011
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Thanks so much, Rebecca. I just appreciate hearing from you in some way:)
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Think of you fondly.
Comment from Spitfire
Quite a story! I'm confused that a dead person is the speaker and that she's at a graveyard where there's a door? But then you mention drug deal, so maybe the whole thing is hallucination. This is very well written, flows nicely, but leaves me confused.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2011
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Quite a story! I'm confused that a dead person is the speaker and that she's at a graveyard where there's a door? But then you mention drug deal, so maybe the whole thing is hallucination. This is very well written, flows nicely, but leaves me confused.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2011
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Thanks so much for reviewing and making this known to me. I'll look at it again. I meant that she got lost, and she is alive--but a drug dealer, then she stumbles onto her own destiny in the ficticious scarier part. I thought I described the scene as a house (porch with a jack-o-lantern, front door, a fireplace(embers). Sorry if it wasn't clear.
Comment from chita
I love your artwork and you have a good flow with your write and rhyme well-I love the story that you tell and it is in time for this time of year-quite scary especially when the flesh is ripped--a well penned write-great job.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2011
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I love your artwork and you have a good flow with your write and rhyme well-I love the story that you tell and it is in time for this time of year-quite scary especially when the flesh is ripped--a well penned write-great job.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2011
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Thank you, Chita for this really well thought review. thanks for reading.
Comment from Piggies Grandma
Your Halloween poem is cleverly written and very well thought out. I enjoyed reading it and I thought it was very scary and gruesome. Just like Halloween should be.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2011
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Your Halloween poem is cleverly written and very well thought out. I enjoyed reading it and I thought it was very scary and gruesome. Just like Halloween should be.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2011
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Yayyy, Thanks so much for such a thorough review. you've pointed out things that help me be more in tune with my writing.
Comment from Loyd C. Taylor, Sr
Good morning Donna...
It is certainly a new type of Halloween poem
Good work, I enjoyed and hope you have a great week.
Loyd
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2011
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Good morning Donna...
It is certainly a new type of Halloween poem
Good work, I enjoyed and hope you have a great week.
Loyd
Comment Written 01-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2011
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Good afternoon, and thanks so much for the review. This is really encouraging that you think it sounds different from the usual--yaayyy:)
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My pleasure, Loyd
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I have created a new writing prompt. Bigfoot Captured. I would love to have you check it out and consider participating, Loyd
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Good morning, Loyd...hope you're having a good day. I'll look at that writing prompt.
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Thank you so much, Loyd
Comment from Gungalo
Ooooooh! Freaky and soooo scary. You'll not find me out and about tonight. Nice story and a huge success for the Halloween crowd.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2011
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Ooooooh! Freaky and soooo scary. You'll not find me out and about tonight. Nice story and a huge success for the Halloween crowd.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2011
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Yeaah, thanks so much for such a very sensible review. Now, I've got to switch gears and get away from the gore, although Halloween was fun this year--writing and all. LOL!
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LOL.
