Dog
A dog alone...34 total reviews
Comment from Laurie Clayton
Excellent characterisation of the Dog, the Hell Hound and the Blue Jay, Susan. You really drew me in to the scene as it unfolded. A great seasonal submission with just enough tension to raise the hackles.
Just one small thought, I'm not sure if this line adds or detracts from the plot, I think it may be because of the sentance starting with a contjunction (I think that is the correct term.) Just a personal thought.
{And of the fight to come.}
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2011
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Excellent characterisation of the Dog, the Hell Hound and the Blue Jay, Susan. You really drew me in to the scene as it unfolded. A great seasonal submission with just enough tension to raise the hackles.
Just one small thought, I'm not sure if this line adds or detracts from the plot, I think it may be because of the sentance starting with a contjunction (I think that is the correct term.) Just a personal thought.
{And of the fight to come.}
Comment Written 28-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2011
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HI Laurie!! Great observation!! You are right, I removed the "And". Sounds much better!! Your review is very kind, and has helped my evening go better! "raise the hackles"! Yes! ")) Thank you Laurie...wow! HUGS! Susan
Comment from humpwhistle
Really good story, Susan. Especially your action. Interesting, too, that you give the demon almost no shape.
Maybe just a nit, but most times your referred to him Dog, but once as 'the' dog, and then as The Mighty Dog.
I wonder if 'the' is ever appropriate here. Just a thought.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2011
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Really good story, Susan. Especially your action. Interesting, too, that you give the demon almost no shape.
Maybe just a nit, but most times your referred to him Dog, but once as 'the' dog, and then as The Mighty Dog.
I wonder if 'the' is ever appropriate here. Just a thought.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 28-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2011
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Well, while I was out raking leaves, you were on the ball reading! lol!! Good for you! I smell like leaf smoke now, but it's the ONE smoke I don't mind...I will look at this too Lee, I did think about it and got in a hurry!! Thank you!! Smiles! Smokey Sue!
Comment from William Walz
I did like this, and thought it was well-written, but I would like to offer a couple of things for your consideration. I know this is flash fiction, and by nature is limited by the amount of exposition available, but I think a little more description of Dog's adversary would be nice.
He was a big cur; wily,...A colon is preferred here to a semicolon....
One ear moved toward the stand...This almost sounds as if his ears moved independently from one another. How about...He swung his massive head toward the stand...
A dark shape loomed from the shadows and it was twice the size of the dog...I would remove the "and" and tighten this up a little...A dark shape loomed from the shadows, twice the size of the dog....
It too, growled a warning. And of the fight to come...How about..It, too, growled a warning of the fight to come..just my opinion...
And it met Dog head-on, teeth gnashing like scissors; a demon from Hell itself...I would leave out the "And" and replace the last semicolon with a comma...It met Dog head-on, teeth gnashing like scissors, a demon from hell itself...
His space would not be invaded. By anything...His space would not be invaded--by anything...maybe a small improvement.
with mortal wounds, and he gazed up...with mortal wounds, gazing up through the trees...what do you think?
The blue jay flew off but at the end is perched again? A little confusing.
Very nice effort. Well-written.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2011
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I did like this, and thought it was well-written, but I would like to offer a couple of things for your consideration. I know this is flash fiction, and by nature is limited by the amount of exposition available, but I think a little more description of Dog's adversary would be nice.
He was a big cur; wily,...A colon is preferred here to a semicolon....
One ear moved toward the stand...This almost sounds as if his ears moved independently from one another. How about...He swung his massive head toward the stand...
A dark shape loomed from the shadows and it was twice the size of the dog...I would remove the "and" and tighten this up a little...A dark shape loomed from the shadows, twice the size of the dog....
It too, growled a warning. And of the fight to come...How about..It, too, growled a warning of the fight to come..just my opinion...
And it met Dog head-on, teeth gnashing like scissors; a demon from Hell itself...I would leave out the "And" and replace the last semicolon with a comma...It met Dog head-on, teeth gnashing like scissors, a demon from hell itself...
His space would not be invaded. By anything...His space would not be invaded--by anything...maybe a small improvement.
with mortal wounds, and he gazed up...with mortal wounds, gazing up through the trees...what do you think?
The blue jay flew off but at the end is perched again? A little confusing.
Very nice effort. Well-written.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2011
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Hi William! Yes, I will jot these down and see! I never know when to use the dashes...all these ideas seem legit! I did redo the blue jay leaving! I said he went to a higher limb instead. I do appreciate this help and your thoughts very much! Happy Halloween and have a safe weekend William!! Susan
Comment from Kaine Darcwater
Very cool story! I don't think any dog would ever be able to beat a demon in a fight. Sad for Dog, he tried his best. I do not see why you don't just write a good sized horror story. You have the talent and imagination. You got a six star rating on a few paragraphs. I post much bigger and never have yet. It just shows who is more talented. Kudos. ;)
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2011
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Very cool story! I don't think any dog would ever be able to beat a demon in a fight. Sad for Dog, he tried his best. I do not see why you don't just write a good sized horror story. You have the talent and imagination. You got a six star rating on a few paragraphs. I post much bigger and never have yet. It just shows who is more talented. Kudos. ;)
Comment Written 28-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2011
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Hi Bryan! Thank you!! No, you are good too Bryan, you just need to slow down and really work on the little things...that make your work really shine. Stuff like what I mentioned in my last review for you matter...I had a four just now and had to rework this story...it stung a bit, but the person was right. I am at the age where it's harder to retain...so, you learn all you can Bryan, you have time...I'm running out of it...the most precious commodity. Thank you my friend...susan
Comment from Spiritual Echo
Of course another excellent write, this one filled with vivid imagery and enough drama to make the story plausible.
I do need to ask a question and trust me, have no idea....do birds have eyelids? Can the bluejay blink?
Hugs, ingrid
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2011
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Of course another excellent write, this one filled with vivid imagery and enough drama to make the story plausible.
I do need to ask a question and trust me, have no idea....do birds have eyelids? Can the bluejay blink?
Hugs, ingrid
Comment Written 28-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2011
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Oh sweet Friend! Yes, all birds blink! ")) I love this funny review! God love you, I bet you're a city girl! Nothing wrong with that, it's just funny how you put the question! Thank you Ingrid...your review has made my afternoon brighter!!! Hugs back!! Suse
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Spent 20 years up north or more, owned two lodges then a cottage, but except for owls I don't think I ever looked a bird in the eye LOL! But ask me abut a septic system or water systems and I sound like a farmer.
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WOW! I want to live in the cottage if that's where the owls are! LOL! I wish. I had house money at one time. Damn. AND I know NOTHING of septics and water systems! See?? HUG! S.
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the pretty comes with it's alter ego. One summer (adter my husband died and I went there alone) I discovered that I had a minor city of bats living in the walls. Hundreds of them. I could hear the flutter of their wings through the walls. The interior was all knotty pine and all night long I had nighmanres that they'd bust through one og the knots and come swooping through the contest. After the extermination, mostly humane it was estimated that there were a minimum of 500 of the suckers in the walls.
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OH God! We had some in our attic in the southern Indiana house, and they would get in the main floor and I"d have to swipe at them with the broom! I killed one, and felt bad, but most I got outside...they probably came right back! GOD. The brown bats have a bacteria that can make people really sick, it's a germ they have in their nose??? Something like that! STILL, I love the country best...") S
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
Oh I hate fierse dogs and when two dogs fight I lift my wee scotty dog up A good write Susan you writr a good description I felt I was there in the script.Mary
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2011
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Oh I hate fierse dogs and when two dogs fight I lift my wee scotty dog up A good write Susan you writr a good description I felt I was there in the script.Mary
Comment Written 28-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2011
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HI Mary!! OH you have a Scotty??? I found one once...it was just like the one at the WHite House when Bush was there. But this one was so sweet...it was curled up on our doorstep...so sad and lost. We found it's owner and she was just ecstatic!!! Just thrilled!! I felt good that we found it's owner, but sure fell in love with him. ")) Thank you for a great review my friend! oxox!! Susan
Comment from Sasha
I so seldom come across a post that leaves me speechless and I am proud to say you have achieve the near impossible with this absolutely awesome and beautifully written story. You have a wonderful and amazing gift for conveying in few words (not my area of expertise) tremendous imagery and tell one heck of a great story too. I am honored to give you 6 stars for this, it is well deserved.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2011
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I so seldom come across a post that leaves me speechless and I am proud to say you have achieve the near impossible with this absolutely awesome and beautifully written story. You have a wonderful and amazing gift for conveying in few words (not my area of expertise) tremendous imagery and tell one heck of a great story too. I am honored to give you 6 stars for this, it is well deserved.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2011
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Sasha! A six for THIS?? Thank you...I guess I didn't have too much faith in this...it only took 20 minutes to do...hmmm..maybe I try too hard on other things. Sometimes maybe it's best to just do it?? Wow...thank you very much! You are a sweet and wonderful reviewer! HUG! Susan
Comment from Carrie Smith
A first rate poem, Suse. Of course the dog had no name. and thought your calling him Dog so effective. I really liked that! Your description of not only the dog, but the coming of danger and the fight to the death was sad, but true in many instances. One thing I don't quite understand. You wrote that the blue-jay flew away, but then bore witness to the fight? Did I miss something here? Nevermind, it was descriptive and well written, Suse. Hugs...Susanxx
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2011
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A first rate poem, Suse. Of course the dog had no name. and thought your calling him Dog so effective. I really liked that! Your description of not only the dog, but the coming of danger and the fight to the death was sad, but true in many instances. One thing I don't quite understand. You wrote that the blue-jay flew away, but then bore witness to the fight? Did I miss something here? Nevermind, it was descriptive and well written, Suse. Hugs...Susanxx
Comment Written 28-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2011
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SUSAN! HOW are YOU?? I have emailed you a few times...Thank goodness you are back. If you like, call me tonight? I will do my best to have dinner out of the way? I will read this again, another reviewer said something about it too. LOVE, Susan
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Hey sweet you. Did you mean about the blue-jay? I tried calling you late this afternoon, just because I wanted to talk to you,lol. I'll plan to try tonight, but if I don't, it will be because company has decended on me. If not, I'll call ASAP,lol...Susan
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I was probably outside Susan~ SO sorry!! I tried to ride and rake leaves...wish you had been here. You could have helped me cuss the ass-----s in planes! <:D S.
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No problem, Suse, I figured you were out of the house. Nothing big, just thinking about you and wanted to talk,lol. I would have tried last night, but ended with company until 1:00 a.m. I'll try again the beginning of the week. I'm getting ready to watch ACC football game. Tommy graduated from Va.Tech and we are fight-you-to-the-death Hokies!!! Talk at ya later,lol...xxSusan
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Well , then I will root for them! I don't watch sports because of the noise of the crowds...it gives me a headache...but exciting tho! Have a good day! I'm happy to hear from you!! LOVE! Suse
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Hey, I only watch ACC ball-not interested in other sports very much. I do go watch the grandchildren, of course. Various ones play soccor, football,long-distance run, basketball-WHEW!!! I have one that is playing Rugby at college and that my friend is one hell of a rough game. I can hardly stand to watch him play, but he loves it. Thanks for the rooting- Tech is up by seven now, so I'm going to cut out and go watch. Love you...Susanxx
Comment from Adri7enne
Yep. It's like when a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it.
Very descriptive writing. Lots of action, well written. I enjoyed the read.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2011
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Yep. It's like when a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it.
Very descriptive writing. Lots of action, well written. I enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2011
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Thank you so Adri!! VERY glad you liked this...") Susan
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Oh, I enjoyed this..
you're a real natural
with these short
stories.
We're hoping no one comes trick or treating
in the village this year. The younger ones
who come round with a parent are fine, but
the teens can be a bit of a nusciance and
they throw all manner of rubbish in the
front gardens along the way, if they don't
find anyone in. Pests.
Grumpy Margaret & Colin
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2011
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Oh, I enjoyed this..
you're a real natural
with these short
stories.
We're hoping no one comes trick or treating
in the village this year. The younger ones
who come round with a parent are fine, but
the teens can be a bit of a nusciance and
they throw all manner of rubbish in the
front gardens along the way, if they don't
find anyone in. Pests.
Grumpy Margaret & Colin
Comment Written 28-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2011
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I know...imagine me, of course our situation is different...ours is just harassment..broken windows on my old truck, rocks at the poor horses...of course that has sort of ebbed away...it's the big wigs now...they go for real stuff. Low and LOUD planes, choppers, and now back to jake brakes. It will never end because it's those in power who hate me for complaining about their ways. They have unlimited resources, unlimited amounts of 'friends' or people who "owe" them. DISGUSTING...and Indiana has no laws for harassment either. I sure hope you and Colin will be left alone...we are SUPPOSED to feel SAFE at our homes!!!!! I can't stress that enuff. God. Please smile my friend...LOVE, susan
