Mike Radshaw and the Black Dawn
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Demon of Death - BD1"The grim reaper casts his pall over London
32 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
You are the master of noir PI fiction, Mike, like Lee is the master of spaghetti western fiction. And both of you vie for the crown of "best one-liner. After reading this, I think you have the edge there. Do they just pop into your mind, those little mini-metaphors, or do you have to dig for them the way I burrow for the hiding place of each sentence I lay upon the page? I have tremendous respect for your creativity.
Jay
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2022
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You are the master of noir PI fiction, Mike, like Lee is the master of spaghetti western fiction. And both of you vie for the crown of "best one-liner. After reading this, I think you have the edge there. Do they just pop into your mind, those little mini-metaphors, or do you have to dig for them the way I burrow for the hiding place of each sentence I lay upon the page? I have tremendous respect for your creativity.
Jay
Comment Written 07-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2022
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Thanks so much, Jay - I'll take that grand compliment :-). If I find I'm struggling too much with a phrase, I try to move on and come back later. I think humour, especially, needs to come naturally - you can't force funny, and if you try too hard, it becomes obvious. These chapters originally took a long time because I needed to be in the right frame of mind to write them. It's a good job I wasn't on a deadline! When I'm in that place, when I'm 'in' Mike Radshaw, the dialogue just flows out naturally, and I'm usually scrambling to keep up. That's when writing is the most fun!
Mike
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Mike, You really ought to keep that flow with those books and find a wider market. You're young and have many more books in you. I have a hunch that's what publishers are more interested in. You've got a helluva track record here.
Comment from Cindy Warren
Oh, that's scarier than Stephen King. I won't be reading any more of it tonight. It's too close to bedtime. I'll pick it up again tomorrow when the sun is shining. Great work. I don't get creeped out easily.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2022
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Oh, that's scarier than Stephen King. I won't be reading any more of it tonight. It's too close to bedtime. I'll pick it up again tomorrow when the sun is shining. Great work. I don't get creeped out easily.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2022
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Thank you, Cindy :-). It gets darker, and then turns a bit more fun going forward. Thanks so much for the positive review!
Mike
Comment from Thomas Blanks
In the first chapter of Black Dawn, called The Demon of Death, I particularly enjoyed the humorous similes the protagonist, Mike Radshaw, uses. He might be a wee bit cocky, but I guess that's his shtick, like Arnold Schwarzenegger saying, "Stick around," after he throws a knife and impales a man to a wall, or "Knock, knock," after blowing a door off.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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In the first chapter of Black Dawn, called The Demon of Death, I particularly enjoyed the humorous similes the protagonist, Mike Radshaw, uses. He might be a wee bit cocky, but I guess that's his shtick, like Arnold Schwarzenegger saying, "Stick around," after he throws a knife and impales a man to a wall, or "Knock, knock," after blowing a door off.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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Indeed, he's a cocky git, though it's usually to cover fear :-). Of course, it doesn't always server him well...
Mike
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a tremendous beginning to your novella. I'm so happy you decided to revive things from before I even knew what FS was. You are a great wordsmith Mike, although I predict the Americans will struggle to come to grips with Simon Cowell's waistband (perhaps you should be kind and put a word or two in the author's note). Kate xx
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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This is a tremendous beginning to your novella. I'm so happy you decided to revive things from before I even knew what FS was. You are a great wordsmith Mike, although I predict the Americans will struggle to come to grips with Simon Cowell's waistband (perhaps you should be kind and put a word or two in the author's note). Kate xx
Comment Written 07-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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I pity anyone coming to grips with Simon Cowell's waistband :-). Thanks so much, Kate. Indeed, there's more UK slang in this than I remembered - I've had to explain 'bundle' too, which is way too colloquially specific (in the way I've used it, at least), so I'll change that. I feel this is some of my best work, so I'm reviving it partly because most of those who reviewed it before have moved on now (except Barbara - she is a constant :-)), and partly to spur me on so I can get back to the place I was in, but with a few more years of experience to back me up!
Mike
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It is difficult to say what's 'best' when someone's as good as you are. I think it all comes down to favourite pieces/books, and this is of course subjective and subject plays an important role - resonance of said being different fo each reader. I have a strong affinity for the paranormal and magic, so this beginning has a head start. Kate xx
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Thanks Kate :-). Like all creative types (I suspect) I have that twin view of my work - I'm simultaneously brimming with pride and convinced it's not good enough. I tend to prefer things when I return to them - perhaps freed from the specific process of creating them.
Comment from leather
I am out of six-star ratings, so a five is the best I can do. Horror fiction isn't my first choice, but I took a chance at this piece because I knew you wrote it. It was kind of gory--especially those plastic bags and the diagonal slice delivered to Raffer; but as expected, it was well-written. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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I am out of six-star ratings, so a five is the best I can do. Horror fiction isn't my first choice, but I took a chance at this piece because I knew you wrote it. It was kind of gory--especially those plastic bags and the diagonal slice delivered to Raffer; but as expected, it was well-written. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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Thanks so much, my friend :-). It bugs me that Thriller and Horror get lumped together, because (although there's no shortage of violence) I view this as a thriller, since the violence serves the plot, and to me, horror is the other way around. I'm so glad you liked it. Fair warning, though; the next chapter has a scene that makes this one feel PG.
Mike
Comment from leather
I am out of six-star ratings, so a five is the best I can do. Horror fiction isn't my first choice, but I took a chance at this piece because I knew you wrote it. It was kind of gory--especially those plastic bags and the diagonal slice delivered to Raffer; but as expected, it was well-written. Thanks for sharing.
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I am out of six-star ratings, so a five is the best I can do. Horror fiction isn't my first choice, but I took a chance at this piece because I knew you wrote it. It was kind of gory--especially those plastic bags and the diagonal slice delivered to Raffer; but as expected, it was well-written. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
Comment from lancellot
This is both well written and funny. Your PI is characterized in the classic brave, quick witted and clever tongue style. He reminds me of the DC character, Constantine.
Good work.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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This is both well written and funny. Your PI is characterized in the classic brave, quick witted and clever tongue style. He reminds me of the DC character, Constantine.
Good work.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Thanks so much for your encouraging comments. Radshaw is a lot of fun to write (though exhausting at times!).
Mike
Comment from Malcolm Rothery
Fabulous - I can't wait to read more. Your use of language is exquisite.
My only problem is - why are you not off somewhere getting published rather than showing (wasting) your obvious talent on FanStory? To put it simply, you are too good for this platform and deserve to be making proper money.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Fabulous - I can't wait to read more. Your use of language is exquisite.
My only problem is - why are you not off somewhere getting published rather than showing (wasting) your obvious talent on FanStory? To put it simply, you are too good for this platform and deserve to be making proper money.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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I'll take that compliment and use it to carry me for a few days! Believe me, you've described where I'd love to be. Who knows - perhaps one day, I'll be executive producer on HBO's adaptation of Mike Radshaw's adventures. Of course, I'd settle for being able to pay my way with writing, but until then, it's the day job and enough Fanstory to keep me sane :-)
Mike
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nicely written.
"So, what if I's better at Peeing in the I than you? - Peeing in the I?
I felt that Raffer might not have signed up for what he got a bit unfair?
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Nicely written.
"So, what if I's better at Peeing in the I than you? - Peeing in the I?
I felt that Raffer might not have signed up for what he got a bit unfair?
Best wishes.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Thanks Wayne :-). That's Raffer's way of saying PI. Indeed, his fate is definitely not deserved!
Mike
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Seems a bit rough on his impersonator but otherwise a really good story. Is this the end or is there a second installment of this story? It was quite imaginative how you got for "The cards had been dealt" to a battle with the devil. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Seems a bit rough on his impersonator but otherwise a really good story. Is this the end or is there a second installment of this story? It was quite imaginative how you got for "The cards had been dealt" to a battle with the devil. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Thank you, Carol :-). There are 8 parts in total. I'll revive part 2 in a few days once I have some more pumps. Indeed, the people around Mike Radshaw don't seem to fare very well!
Mike
