Paranormal Adventures
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Engarde"Case Studies of Hauntings
56 total reviews
Comment from w.j.debi
Hidden tunnels, illegal activities and all sorts of dark deeds hinted at. Charles the ghost seems anxious for the challenge of meeting up with the MPS especially since he is interfering with the other ghosts trying to reach out for their help.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2015
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Hidden tunnels, illegal activities and all sorts of dark deeds hinted at. Charles the ghost seems anxious for the challenge of meeting up with the MPS especially since he is interfering with the other ghosts trying to reach out for their help.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2015
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Debi, thanks so much for the grand review. You are a real gem!
:) Bev
Comment from Chris Tee
This is an absolutely brilliant piece of writing with well used language and well constructed paragraphs. The vocabulary is also rich and enjoyed reading this work. Well done indeed.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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This is an absolutely brilliant piece of writing with well used language and well constructed paragraphs. The vocabulary is also rich and enjoyed reading this work. Well done indeed.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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Hi, Chris. Thank you very much for this most gracious review. I appreciate you taking time to read the chapter, and for your encouragement.
:) Bev
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Great chapter and the finish off to this chapter really holds us in suspense and waiting for more. I just put a couple of edits for, right or wrong, this is how I read it,
Perhaps that('s) why
carries rabies and enjoy('s) the taste...
Emma('s) full lips....
Enjoyed.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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Great chapter and the finish off to this chapter really holds us in suspense and waiting for more. I just put a couple of edits for, right or wrong, this is how I read it,
Perhaps that('s) why
carries rabies and enjoy('s) the taste...
Emma('s) full lips....
Enjoyed.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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Hi, Pearl. Thank you so much for your great review and for your spag suggestions. I'll be sure to make those changes and appreciate you catching them. Although, I think enjoys does not need the apostrophe.
There's lots more suspense and some creepy findings to come!
:) Bev
Comment from emrpoems
A interesting storyline that has been well developed.
Moves at a steady pace allowing the reader to enjoy the story.
Good use of dialogue that seems natural
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2015
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A interesting storyline that has been well developed.
Moves at a steady pace allowing the reader to enjoy the story.
Good use of dialogue that seems natural
Comment Written 17-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2015
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Thanks so much for this gracious review, e. :) Bev
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Bev, you spend energy needlessly telling us things we already know such as Porter's dislike of the MPS members and Mia's fall due to the demon attack. It makes the dialog sound like your characters are reminding the reader instead of talking to each other.
Why was there so little concern about a shovel jammed against the trunk lid? Who did it? Ghosts? Why was the action shrugged off?
I'm glad Charlie convinced you to continue. This is a good story. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2015
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Bev, you spend energy needlessly telling us things we already know such as Porter's dislike of the MPS members and Mia's fall due to the demon attack. It makes the dialog sound like your characters are reminding the reader instead of talking to each other.
Why was there so little concern about a shovel jammed against the trunk lid? Who did it? Ghosts? Why was the action shrugged off?
I'm glad Charlie convinced you to continue. This is a good story. :) Nancy
Comment Written 16-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2015
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Thanks, Nancy. I appreciate your comments, and I'll re-visit the sections you mention. Glad you were able to stop by.
Bev
Comment from RGstar
This a perfect example of an excellent write. A long chapter where the mind may give a suggestion to read quickly...none of it. The chapter was balanced and a perfect example of a balanced write, with nothing forced or remotely placed in order to boost or gain applaud.
Sensible and intelligent, it built like a snake beginning to unwind. There is anticipation awaiting the next chapter as you loaded, perfectly.
The ghost scenario at the end told of things to come...eerie.
Good authors will appreciate good writings. This such.
Bravo, Bev.
have a great day.
RG
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2015
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This a perfect example of an excellent write. A long chapter where the mind may give a suggestion to read quickly...none of it. The chapter was balanced and a perfect example of a balanced write, with nothing forced or remotely placed in order to boost or gain applaud.
Sensible and intelligent, it built like a snake beginning to unwind. There is anticipation awaiting the next chapter as you loaded, perfectly.
The ghost scenario at the end told of things to come...eerie.
Good authors will appreciate good writings. This such.
Bravo, Bev.
have a great day.
RG
Comment Written 16-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2015
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Thanks so much, RG. I really appreciate your encouragement for this chapter. Thanks for taking time out to read and review. It's great to receive the benefit of your special insights as you always seem to get what I'm after. I do love writing in this genre, and I'm glad when I can convey that enthusiasm.
:) Bev
Comment from rama devi
This drew me right in, dear, even without reading prior chapters. The dialog sounds authentic and also enhances characterization, especially because it's complemented by fine action tags and descriptions of gestures, etc.
Great narrative detail beings both scenes and characters to life. (though I recommend being sure to incorporate all senses...like adding olfactory details of the restaurant).
Great pacing.
Great POV too!
Spag suggestions:
*"My point is that rich people never seem to have enough money(,) in their own minds.
*
"If one is found, I suppose it'll be my job to do a sweep with the equipment,(.)" Luke groaned.
*
A cell phone went off(,) which turned out to be Emma's.
* Someone had plowed it, which was fortunate(,) as an additional two inches had fallen since their visit earlier in the day.
I like the mystical/occult overtones and the fact that Mia is a psychic. The chapter drew me in and it makes me feel the plot is layered and interesting, but with one chapter, I cannot know the full context or comment fully.
*
Though Mia was aware of Emma at the periphery of her awareness,
Consider replacing awareness with consciousness as AWARE is so similar and it sounds off using them so closely:
Though Mia was aware of Emma at the periphery of her consciousness,
Potent closing:
His eyes burned like live coals, piercing the darkness and pinning Mia to her seat.
Whew--now I wonder what happens next!
I look forward to reading this from the beginning (when and if you send it for edits!) Sounds like a compelling tale...and you excel in this genre, I believe.
Lots of Love,
rd
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2015
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This drew me right in, dear, even without reading prior chapters. The dialog sounds authentic and also enhances characterization, especially because it's complemented by fine action tags and descriptions of gestures, etc.
Great narrative detail beings both scenes and characters to life. (though I recommend being sure to incorporate all senses...like adding olfactory details of the restaurant).
Great pacing.
Great POV too!
Spag suggestions:
*"My point is that rich people never seem to have enough money(,) in their own minds.
*
"If one is found, I suppose it'll be my job to do a sweep with the equipment,(.)" Luke groaned.
*
A cell phone went off(,) which turned out to be Emma's.
* Someone had plowed it, which was fortunate(,) as an additional two inches had fallen since their visit earlier in the day.
I like the mystical/occult overtones and the fact that Mia is a psychic. The chapter drew me in and it makes me feel the plot is layered and interesting, but with one chapter, I cannot know the full context or comment fully.
*
Though Mia was aware of Emma at the periphery of her awareness,
Consider replacing awareness with consciousness as AWARE is so similar and it sounds off using them so closely:
Though Mia was aware of Emma at the periphery of her consciousness,
Potent closing:
His eyes burned like live coals, piercing the darkness and pinning Mia to her seat.
Whew--now I wonder what happens next!
I look forward to reading this from the beginning (when and if you send it for edits!) Sounds like a compelling tale...and you excel in this genre, I believe.
Lots of Love,
rd
Comment Written 16-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2015
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Hi, Rama
Thank you so much for this awesome review. Your suggestions are all very much appreciated, and always welcome. Thanks for balancing the suggested changes with positive insights, which I find very encouraging. Glad you found time in your busy schedule to read and review.
Hugs, Bev
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Thanks for your lovely and gracious response, dearest Bev.
Huge hugs! rd
PS I revert to standard membership in a week or two...after which I may not visit much...but I'll see you off site. :)
Comment from chasennov
A desperate ghost makes an appearance Paranormal Adventures Engarde This chapter you created here was such a pleasure to read I became completely submerged in the narrative. Well done, Bev.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2015
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A desperate ghost makes an appearance Paranormal Adventures Engarde This chapter you created here was such a pleasure to read I became completely submerged in the narrative. Well done, Bev.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2015
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So nice to hear from you, C, and thanks so much for this grand review. I'm happy you liked the chapter. :) Bev
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You are most welcome, Bev.
Comment from amahra
I liked laced his fingers behind his head. I always say folded, but I like yours' better. Your dialogue is crisp and very realistic. I liked how you described Mia's trance. [He slammed on the [brakes] not breaks. I made the same mistake in my post and someone pointed it out. Smile.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2015
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I liked laced his fingers behind his head. I always say folded, but I like yours' better. Your dialogue is crisp and very realistic. I liked how you described Mia's trance. [He slammed on the [brakes] not breaks. I made the same mistake in my post and someone pointed it out. Smile.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2015
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Hi, amahra. Thanks for catching that silly error. I didn't engage my Grammarly software before starting this re-edit. I won't make that mistake next time!
I really appreciate your kind review.
:) Bev
Comment from sharonmealler
This is a really good story. I can't wait to see where it goes. I didn't find any typo's or errors. The terminology was great. Oh and I liked the use of the term "interjected" instead of common "said" words. I really enjoyed this.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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This is a really good story. I can't wait to see where it goes. I didn't find any typo's or errors. The terminology was great. Oh and I liked the use of the term "interjected" instead of common "said" words. I really enjoyed this.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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Thanks very much, sharon, for this grand review. I really appreciate your kind insights and encouragement. There's going to be a lot more to come and some of it will be downright nasty!
:) Bev
