The Glass Cat Eye
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Hell Breaks Loose on Kingston Hill"Talking to the dead has its consequences
17 total reviews
Comment from barkingdog
I read the first one that you suggested and then sort of skipped along though the other chapters and to the end. I really think you have an exciting book here. Your characters are sound and your knowledge of the occult seems very real. The adventure is really picking up now if Esther is to be a sacrifice. I hope not. So, I'll have to read the next chapter.
It reads so easily and I feel like I am right there. I hope to be able to write this fluidly and with such character specific dialogue(their personalities are present)as well.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2011
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I read the first one that you suggested and then sort of skipped along though the other chapters and to the end. I really think you have an exciting book here. Your characters are sound and your knowledge of the occult seems very real. The adventure is really picking up now if Esther is to be a sacrifice. I hope not. So, I'll have to read the next chapter.
It reads so easily and I feel like I am right there. I hope to be able to write this fluidly and with such character specific dialogue(their personalities are present)as well.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2011
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Thank you so much. I really appreciate the time you've taking to read and review. I'm busy trying to write the next chapter now. And thank you so much for the lovely compliment.
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You're welcome, amahra. :)barking dog
Comment from RaymondJohn
Put us into the action immediately where the chapter begins at the mansion. Show her lying there shivering and remembering how they had found her. Always remember you are the camera and want to show through close-ups, details and smoothly narrated action. Best wishes. Ray.
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reply by the author on 30-May-2011
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Put us into the action immediately where the chapter begins at the mansion. Show her lying there shivering and remembering how they had found her. Always remember you are the camera and want to show through close-ups, details and smoothly narrated action. Best wishes. Ray.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-May-2011
reply by the author on 30-May-2011
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I don't care about the four stars, but your comments are not helpful since you didn't read the previous chapter. I didn't want to skip my faithful readers from the hotel to the mansion; I wanted my readers on the road.
Comment from Mastery
Hi,Amahra. Sorry I have been missing your work recently. I was away for quite a while with a back injury. Anyway, this is well done. I don't really care for the blue ink text for backstory.
Superb dialogue btw.
Great simile here:
"Moonlight paled in comparison to the lightning flashes that surrounded the jeep every minute like new suns bursting into flames."
I do have a suggestion if you don't mind, however:
"The windshield wipers failed to smack away the rain as it fell too quickly against the glass. After forty minutes, Steven still struggled to see the road." (I don't think "smack away" the rain is a good descriptive. Perhaps, "failed to clear the rain"
reply by the author on 30-May-2011
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Hi,Amahra. Sorry I have been missing your work recently. I was away for quite a while with a back injury. Anyway, this is well done. I don't really care for the blue ink text for backstory.
Superb dialogue btw.
Great simile here:
"Moonlight paled in comparison to the lightning flashes that surrounded the jeep every minute like new suns bursting into flames."
I do have a suggestion if you don't mind, however:
"The windshield wipers failed to smack away the rain as it fell too quickly against the glass. After forty minutes, Steven still struggled to see the road." (I don't think "smack away" the rain is a good descriptive. Perhaps, "failed to clear the rain"
Comment Written 30-May-2011
reply by the author on 30-May-2011
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Hey, hope you're better. Thank you for stopping by and reviewing. "smack away, clear away. Yeah, I guess that is a bit dramatic. lol I was trying to be poetic. But I guess you can over do it. About the blue ink, another reviewer suggested it, she said it would make for easy reading.
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Easier reading??? Ask he or she why it is that most of the business world requests black ink on forms etc? LOL
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I originally had black ink. Then someone who's opinion I learned to respect suggested blue ink. Then people started complaining that the blue ink was too bright and suggested a darker blue; so I changed it to darker blue and people said that liked the former chapters in blue ink. Now, you suggest I put it back to the original black. lol I really don't care if it's black or blue. I'm trying to make my writing easy for my readers. Once it's published, it will all be in black ink. I feel like James Dean, you guys, "are tearing me apart." lol
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I'll make it easy for you. I have been on here since 2004...I read about eighty books a year. I have never seen anyone use blue ink in either a book or on the site??? I would stick with the standard regardless of this friend's opinion...You can't go wrong that way. I am also writing a book called "Falling Up The Stairs. I usually get about 100 reviews...and I use black ink...and I have never had to give a summary of the previous chapter, amahra. Hope this helps. Bob
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Thanks Bob, you're right. But the problem is that you have faithful readers who are following you from chapter to chapter. I have new people or people who read every other chapter and forget what the story is about, so I find when I do a summary, it brings them right into the present plot. I don't mind getting low stars for gramma or if the writing just stinks; but you have people coming new to your work and just tearing you down just because they don't know who the characters are or what the story is about.
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I understand completely...Bob
Comment from The Stranger
this is really good writing amahra, you have a great conept in writing the story and your presentation gives added attraction for the reader, a very good piece indeed
reply by the author on 30-May-2011
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this is really good writing amahra, you have a great conept in writing the story and your presentation gives added attraction for the reader, a very good piece indeed
Comment Written 30-May-2011
reply by the author on 30-May-2011
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Thank you Stranger. I really do appreciate you taking the time.
Comment from denhagan
This chapter, called "Hell Breaks Loose on Kingston Hill", was a very interesting chapter to read about Steven and the Doc trying to rescue Esther.
I enjoyed reading this intriquing short story.
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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This chapter, called "Hell Breaks Loose on Kingston Hill", was a very interesting chapter to read about Steven and the Doc trying to rescue Esther.
I enjoyed reading this intriquing short story.
Comment Written 29-May-2011
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Thank you denhagan, I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
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You are quite welcome! ~denhagan
Comment from Paradox Tremors
You have a lot of excitement and intrigue built into this chapter. I find my heart racing along with the Doc and Steven hoping they get to Esther in time, rescue her, and close the gate in time. I just hate the idea of them splitting up--but I can understand. I hope we don't lose the doctor in the process. Enjoyed it my friend.
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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You have a lot of excitement and intrigue built into this chapter. I find my heart racing along with the Doc and Steven hoping they get to Esther in time, rescue her, and close the gate in time. I just hate the idea of them splitting up--but I can understand. I hope we don't lose the doctor in the process. Enjoyed it my friend.
Comment Written 29-May-2011
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Thank you so much. And didn't mean to make you work so hard. I really appreciate the high rating my friend. Bless you.
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That was fast.
Comment from K. L. Bauman
This was an interesting chapter. My interest was held to the end. I'll have to go back and read the beginning to find out what all is happening. Great work!
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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This was an interesting chapter. My interest was held to the end. I'll have to go back and read the beginning to find out what all is happening. Great work!
Comment Written 29-May-2011
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Thank you so much. I really appreciate your time with this. I wish I had some of the other chapters short also. I do have one that is even shorter than this one. So thank you again.
Comment from adewpearl
lightning flashes like new suns bursting - I like that
They discovered - They had discovered
drug-induced sleep - add the hyphen
You explain the Ouija Board/portal thing clearly
You only have 3 hours - three
Excellent dialogue
You create mood well through setting and build tension/suspense well through their conversation. Brooke
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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lightning flashes like new suns bursting - I like that
They discovered - They had discovered
drug-induced sleep - add the hyphen
You explain the Ouija Board/portal thing clearly
You only have 3 hours - three
Excellent dialogue
You create mood well through setting and build tension/suspense well through their conversation. Brooke
Comment Written 29-May-2011
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Thank you so much. I'll make the corrections Brook.
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
A good write with imagery and needs no change your script has a good story line. The descriptive script holds the readers attention and holds it . A good write and a good read.
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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A good write with imagery and needs no change your script has a good story line. The descriptive script holds the readers attention and holds it . A good write and a good read.
Comment Written 29-May-2011
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Thank you so much Cookson2. I really appreciate your comments.
Comment from moyramouse
strawberry (blood) blonde hair
Her eyes (shown) showed a strange mixture....
Doc (J)joked.
Doc's eyes (widen)widened
Doc breathed a sigh of relief and set down??? Don't understand the 'set down'
You really cranked up the suspense in this chapter. First with the drive through the storm to get to the mansion; secondly with Esther trying to stay positive but the drugged drink lulling her into a stupor; thirdly with Doc and Steven breaking into the mansion. We now know the full extent of the horror facing Esther, which like Steven, we had suspected. But what will Doc do and will he be able to succeed against such stacked odds? You have got us longing for your next post already:):) xxmouse
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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strawberry (blood) blonde hair
Her eyes (shown) showed a strange mixture....
Doc (J)joked.
Doc's eyes (widen)widened
Doc breathed a sigh of relief and set down??? Don't understand the 'set down'
You really cranked up the suspense in this chapter. First with the drive through the storm to get to the mansion; secondly with Esther trying to stay positive but the drugged drink lulling her into a stupor; thirdly with Doc and Steven breaking into the mansion. We now know the full extent of the horror facing Esther, which like Steven, we had suspected. But what will Doc do and will he be able to succeed against such stacked odds? You have got us longing for your next post already:):) xxmouse
Comment Written 29-May-2011
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Thank you so much for your beautiful hawk eyes. My eyes get so use to my mistakes I can't see them myself. I really appreciate your advice and comments my friend. I'll make the corrections.
