Seraphim Serenade
A tribute to Kirk - he's riding with Jesus now!10 total reviews
Comment from WilliamDeen
"Baptized in beloved's tears" I love that image. Good job and a wonderful piece. Great rhymes, emotional, and touching. thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-May-2011
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"Baptized in beloved's tears" I love that image. Good job and a wonderful piece. Great rhymes, emotional, and touching. thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 09-May-2011
reply by the author on 10-May-2011
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The line you referrenced happens to be my favorite too, William. Thanks for taking time to read, comment and rate this for me.
Blessings,
Melody
Comment from Piggies Grandma
This is a beautifully written piece of work. It has a message within a message. God is there for us and he will help us get through our times of trouble, he will be there to wipe our tears or hold our hands. Thank you for writing this lovely piece.
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
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This is a beautifully written piece of work. It has a message within a message. God is there for us and he will help us get through our times of trouble, he will be there to wipe our tears or hold our hands. Thank you for writing this lovely piece.
Comment Written 09-May-2011
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
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Oh, thank you so much for the kind words, PG! And also for the excellent rating. I believe God gave me this one before I even knew our friend was sick to provide all of us who loved him (including me)with a measure of comfort. The Lord gets all the credit for this one.
Blessings,
Melody
Comment from judy corcoran
very beautiful
had a lump in my throat
i am sure that this is greatly appreciated
i like the whole thing but
'Brow once furrowed with pain and care
Now relaxed, no more burdens to bear
Peace now, only peace is there' is just lovely
just a couple of suggestions -
'Body weak, ravaged by disease
Broken vessel, seeks sweet release
Once bound spirit at last is free
perhaps
'Once bound spirit at last cut loose' ???
or
'Body weak, ravaged by disease
Broken vessel, seeks sweet liberty
Once bound spirit at last is free' ???
and
'Times of joy and times of fear' - you could make 'fear' pleural without changing the meaning (imho) and improve the rhyme in that stanza .....
just me lol - i can't help wanting closer rhyme....
as i said - a beautiful write
love judy
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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very beautiful
had a lump in my throat
i am sure that this is greatly appreciated
i like the whole thing but
'Brow once furrowed with pain and care
Now relaxed, no more burdens to bear
Peace now, only peace is there' is just lovely
just a couple of suggestions -
'Body weak, ravaged by disease
Broken vessel, seeks sweet release
Once bound spirit at last is free
perhaps
'Once bound spirit at last cut loose' ???
or
'Body weak, ravaged by disease
Broken vessel, seeks sweet liberty
Once bound spirit at last is free' ???
and
'Times of joy and times of fear' - you could make 'fear' pleural without changing the meaning (imho) and improve the rhyme in that stanza .....
just me lol - i can't help wanting closer rhyme....
as i said - a beautiful write
love judy
Comment Written 08-May-2011
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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Wonderful suggestions, Judy! You are very observant. I'll review again and think about incorporating your ideas. You are the second person to catch the missing 's' on the word fear. I didn't even see that one! I will definitely correct it. I also like the idea of 'Broken vessel, seeks sweet liberty', although I used 'release' because it seemed to fit with 'disease' at the time.
What a wonderful and detailed review! This one is worthy of a nomination for reviewer of the month. :-)
Thanks again for taking time to read and review.
Melody
Comment from Fiona Hymn
The words tenderly caress the soul as the stanzas are read. The poignancy comes through in the words even though the reader is unaware of the thoughts behind this write. Beautifully written.
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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The words tenderly caress the soul as the stanzas are read. The poignancy comes through in the words even though the reader is unaware of the thoughts behind this write. Beautifully written.
Comment Written 08-May-2011
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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Thank you, Fiona. This one came out of thin air one night, surprising and puzzling even me. Now I know why. We laid our friend to rest today. It fits his story to a tee. The words tenderly caress (and comfort) my soul as well. It's been a hard month and this poem expresses my heart's cry over the loss of a beautiful human being who will be sorely missed.
Melody
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Melody, I will keep you and your friend in my thoughts. All the best to you.
Comment from barkingdog
This is very touching and touches on many thoughts/feelings that we have when a loved one is ill/ on the brink of death. We and they are glad to have been released.
It reads smoothly. You can add an 's' to fear to correct your rhyme in the fifth verse and in the fourth you can try--Once bound spirit at last he frees.
Get back to me and let me know what you decide to earn you fifth star.
Its really a great write.
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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This is very touching and touches on many thoughts/feelings that we have when a loved one is ill/ on the brink of death. We and they are glad to have been released.
It reads smoothly. You can add an 's' to fear to correct your rhyme in the fifth verse and in the fourth you can try--Once bound spirit at last he frees.
Get back to me and let me know what you decide to earn you fifth star.
Its really a great write.
Comment Written 08-May-2011
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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Great suggestions, barking dog. I'll definitely add an 's' to the fifth verse and will review and think about your second suggestion. If I decide to go with it, I'll capitalize the the word 'He' because of the divine reference. You really paid attention to detail.
Thanks for making me work for my points. It makes for a better poem in the end, and that's the ultimate goal, right?
Melody
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You're so right with the 'He' as it is God. Let me know when its finished.OK It is such a nice poem. Are you done yet?
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Done!
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I read it straight through again. Not just a spot check. AND I GOT CHILLS. It is smooth and your thought is not broken. Thank you for writing such a lovely, touching poem, Melody Ringo. :) barking dog
Comment from James Tipton
The rhymes and rhythm are too heavy for me, perhaps in part because of the short lines, which then cause the rhymes to "come too soon."
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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The rhymes and rhythm are too heavy for me, perhaps in part because of the short lines, which then cause the rhymes to "come too soon."
Comment Written 08-May-2011
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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Sorry to lose you in translation, James. This poem truly wrote itself - I had no say in the form, rhythm or rhymes. Sometimes less is more. But no worries. Not every poem is a home run for every reader. I do appreciate you taking time to read and comment.
Melody
Comment from 7thpoet
An excellent tribute, unbeknownst to you at that time, to your friend. I really liked the three line rhyme. It was different and quick. A good read.
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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An excellent tribute, unbeknownst to you at that time, to your friend. I really liked the three line rhyme. It was different and quick. A good read.
Comment Written 08-May-2011
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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I'm glad you enjoyed the read, 7th poet. It came out of the ethernet one night after a hot bath. I don't usually write poems about someone dying, and I was mystified as to what it meant until I learned of my friend's illness and devastating diagnosis. Funny how the Universe seems to know, even when we don't. I believe I was being prepared for what was to come.
I appreciate your comments and rating.
Melody
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I'm glad you enjoyed the read, 7th poet. It came out of the ethernet one night after a hot bath. I don't usually write poems about someone dying, and I was mystified as to what it meant until I learned of my friend's illness and devastating diagnosis. Funny how the Universe seems to know, even when we don't. I believe I was being prepared for what was to come.
I appreciate your comments and rating.
Melody
Comment from danpald
When the time to pass beyond
A poem that sings is forever won
This does flow with grace of love
Shown for life that is newly found
So the love that meets the need
For one who passes now leads
Where each one longs to be
In the realm of heavenly peace
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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When the time to pass beyond
A poem that sings is forever won
This does flow with grace of love
Shown for life that is newly found
So the love that meets the need
For one who passes now leads
Where each one longs to be
In the realm of heavenly peace
Comment Written 08-May-2011
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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danpald, Wow! What a wonderful review...I've never seen a response to one of my poems in poem form. Beautiful. You get it. This review is worthy of notice. I will nominate you for reviewer of the month for this. Thanks - it means so much as I work through my grief over the death of a good friend.
We poets speak our own unique language, huh?
Thanks again,
Melody
Comment from bruceg
I don't know what the picture means, the pretty bike, but I can imagine the movement of getting old in this piece of work of yours. I am a member of the hippy days sort of speak at least I was a kid then but am now 54 years old and still trying to find myself. This is a good write, i really liked it a lot, thank you.
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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I don't know what the picture means, the pretty bike, but I can imagine the movement of getting old in this piece of work of yours. I am a member of the hippy days sort of speak at least I was a kid then but am now 54 years old and still trying to find myself. This is a good write, i really liked it a lot, thank you.
Comment Written 08-May-2011
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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Thanks bruceg. A dear friend who loved Harleys was laid to rest today. He was 53. We loved and will miss him dearly. I wrote this one night about six weeks ago, before I even knew he was sick. The picture respresents Kirk's love of Harleys and the fact that he is now in Harley heaven and finally out of pain.
Thanks for your kind comments and great rating.
Melody
Comment from The Stranger
well they say that there are certainly no stranger things than that of the workings of the Lord, and from your notes, I believe this to be a perfect example
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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well they say that there are certainly no stranger things than that of the workings of the Lord, and from your notes, I believe this to be a perfect example
Comment Written 07-May-2011
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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Thank you Stranger. We laid to rest a dear friend today who was an avid Harley rider. Cancer may have taken him from this earth, but I believe he is riding with Jesus on the other side.
Thanks for taking time to read, comment and rate this one.
Melody
