The Warning
A senryu mystery24 total reviews
Comment from missy98writer
Poet,
your senryu is in great form and syllable count of 5/7/5. The beautiful art work is fitting for the theme. Effective use of alliteration. In seventeen syllables you've create a picture of nature in the readers head. Effective satori line. I think I saw something on Discovery ID about the mystery on the bridge. Thanks for sharing.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Poet,
your senryu is in great form and syllable count of 5/7/5. The beautiful art work is fitting for the theme. Effective use of alliteration. In seventeen syllables you've create a picture of nature in the readers head. Effective satori line. I think I saw something on Discovery ID about the mystery on the bridge. Thanks for sharing.
Melissa.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thank you Melissa for your wonderful review. I very much appreciate you taking time to read and send along your most encouraging comments. Best wishes, Bev
Comment from juliaSjames
How intriguing...I enjoy the idea of a mystery in three lines where I need to unravel the clues. And I like the use of colors in the text - makes it seem like a political disconnect.
If that's too much of a stretch, then I daresay the bridge collapsed and a policeman is stopping traffic.
In any case, this is a senryu with a difference. Well done.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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How intriguing...I enjoy the idea of a mystery in three lines where I need to unravel the clues. And I like the use of colors in the text - makes it seem like a political disconnect.
If that's too much of a stretch, then I daresay the bridge collapsed and a policeman is stopping traffic.
In any case, this is a senryu with a difference. Well done.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Thanks so very much for your encouraging review juliajames. I had fun writing it, never getting far from my first love mystery writing. So appreciate your stopping by to read and review. Bev
Comment from Magic Wand
Good visuals! A lot is said and yet the mystery remains. One can come up with several ideas. Great poem for a class discussion.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Good visuals! A lot is said and yet the mystery remains. One can come up with several ideas. Great poem for a class discussion.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Hey, thanks so much for your great review Magic Wand! You made my day. Bev
Comment from harleyangelbrat
This is a very good Senyru poem. It is very descriptive which makes for a great read. I really enjoyed reading this very much. It is an excellent read. God bless you!
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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This is a very good Senyru poem. It is very descriptive which makes for a great read. I really enjoyed reading this very much. It is an excellent read. God bless you!
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Thanks for the terrific review harley. I really do appreciate you taking time to read and send along your great comments. Blessings, Bev
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You're very welcome, Bev. I hope you have a blessed day. Marilyn
Comment from Paula Andrea Pyle
Extraordinary opening for a perfectly thriller invested crime story! I love it. Of course I watch every episode of Law and Order Ctriminal Intent...
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Extraordinary opening for a perfectly thriller invested crime story! I love it. Of course I watch every episode of Law and Order Ctriminal Intent...
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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OMG, my favorite shows. I don't know what I'll do if they cancel the reruns. I loved Goren, not the same since he left. GREAT actor in my humble. Thanks so much for stopping by to read and send along your terrific review Paula. Bev
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I loved Bobby, too! I'm thinking about writing a poem of him.
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My heavens, where would you begin? If you do, please let me know for sure!! Bev
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi writingfundimension
This poem is indeed a mystery.
The mystery? "bright red snow" tells me there's blood staining a fresh snowfall near the bridge.
And with the warning of ice, I would guess someone has slipped and fallen into the stream.
"breaking blue"? That has me stumped.
"single white-gloved hand" ...guessing, of course, I would say that a rich woman has had too much to drink at the mayor's New Years Eve party. She stumbled across the lawn, and slipped on the icy bridge. She hit her head and fell over the railing, rolled down the slope and into the chilling water. Though just 12 inches deep, she drowned there in her evening gown. One white-gloved hand is all that remained above water, frozen blue in death.
Perhaps she was pushed? No, only squirrel tracks have hopped through the snow. It was just a tragic tale.
cheers
Kimbob
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Hi writingfundimension
This poem is indeed a mystery.
The mystery? "bright red snow" tells me there's blood staining a fresh snowfall near the bridge.
And with the warning of ice, I would guess someone has slipped and fallen into the stream.
"breaking blue"? That has me stumped.
"single white-gloved hand" ...guessing, of course, I would say that a rich woman has had too much to drink at the mayor's New Years Eve party. She stumbled across the lawn, and slipped on the icy bridge. She hit her head and fell over the railing, rolled down the slope and into the chilling water. Though just 12 inches deep, she drowned there in her evening gown. One white-gloved hand is all that remained above water, frozen blue in death.
Perhaps she was pushed? No, only squirrel tracks have hopped through the snow. It was just a tragic tale.
cheers
Kimbob
Comment Written 05-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Hi Kimbob, I like your creative interpretation. Double checked line one: Warning (2) bridge (1) is (1) icy (1). Blue is the water underneath the ice. Thanks for sending along your thoughts and reviewing. Bev
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Hi Bev
If "icy" is one syllable, I've got no business reviewing anyone's poetry. In my mind, "Ice" is one syllable. "Icy"... I>cy is two syllables.
cheers
Kimbob
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Nope Kimbob, check again. One syllable in Merriam-Webster Dictionary.
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Wow, am I wearing a red face and eating my hat. I went to a counter site on the internet and found out your are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. Which you knew all along. You've helped me tremendously here with your little lesson on icy. Sorry if I came across as a stubborn jerk... Best wishes, Bev
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That's okay, Bev! I'm just glad that you did change your mind. Hopefully, before the contest deadline...although I didn't see where any other reviewers caught it. I didn't want to argue and upset you, so I backed off. No harm done!
cheers
Kimbob
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You're a class act! Maybe you could clue me in to what the separations represent in the bold spelling of each defined word? That's what got me hung up. Thanks again.
Comment from Yeti777
This is fun. I can't wait for the next segment. Nice way to take the Haiku to a different level... creating a neat little mystery along the way. Great job.
Sean
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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This is fun. I can't wait for the next segment. Nice way to take the Haiku to a different level... creating a neat little mystery along the way. Great job.
Sean
Comment Written 05-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Thank you very much Sean. I appreciate your generous and encouraging review. Cheers, Bev
Comment from RebelRose
Indeed, what happened on the bridge?
Your words leave an opening for all kinds of things one can imagine going awry on that bridge. Good poem. KInd of mysterious.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Indeed, what happened on the bridge?
Your words leave an opening for all kinds of things one can imagine going awry on that bridge. Good poem. KInd of mysterious.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Thanks for the great review RebelRose. I appreciate your taking time to read and review. Bev
Comment from sidone
good flow good details your poem makes its own picture keep up the good work,a pleasure to read good luck blessing for sharing
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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good flow good details your poem makes its own picture keep up the good work,a pleasure to read good luck blessing for sharing
Comment Written 05-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Thanks so much sideone. I appreciate your support. Blessings to you as well. Bev
Comment from Terra Dane
Nicely done. Intriguing little piece with perfect imagery. Really very well done.
Just one question what is the blue? The water, a jacket, a body turned blue in the cold. Hmm.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2011
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Nicely done. Intriguing little piece with perfect imagery. Really very well done.
Just one question what is the blue? The water, a jacket, a body turned blue in the cold. Hmm.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2011
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I'm following this up with another senryu which will further add to the mystery I think. Blue is for water. Thanks so much for your great review. Bev
