Snowman 1
A young boy loves the snow21 total reviews
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Connie:)
How well you represent the problem of school bullies. Stolen lunches, name calling and other forms of humiliation are often dismissed by adults.
You show Timmy's problems with remarkable clarity. Like many children, his physical size, large ears and other differences keep him from socializing, but in the end he uses his imagination to give himself power to overcome.
His snowman may not have been perfect, but it was his and he repaired the damage inflicted by Debbie Jones and her friends. I don't know if the snow devil was a real phenomenon or just Timmy's imagination, but it gave him the strength he needed to withstand the bullies.
I noted only one small error: Something [grasp ==> grasped} him around the waist and he was whisked across the playground in a whirl of snow. {you need to change tense.}
Thank you for sharing your story. good luck!
Love and Irish hugs,
Roger
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2010
  |
Hi Connie:)
How well you represent the problem of school bullies. Stolen lunches, name calling and other forms of humiliation are often dismissed by adults.
You show Timmy's problems with remarkable clarity. Like many children, his physical size, large ears and other differences keep him from socializing, but in the end he uses his imagination to give himself power to overcome.
His snowman may not have been perfect, but it was his and he repaired the damage inflicted by Debbie Jones and her friends. I don't know if the snow devil was a real phenomenon or just Timmy's imagination, but it gave him the strength he needed to withstand the bullies.
I noted only one small error: Something [grasp ==> grasped} him around the waist and he was whisked across the playground in a whirl of snow. {you need to change tense.}
Thank you for sharing your story. good luck!
Love and Irish hugs,
Roger
Comment Written 29-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2010
-
Hi again! Thank you Roger! I will change that word! You are so right!! Speaking of snowdevils, I was standing in our field last winter and EIGHT of them all at once came zipping across the area in front of our house, they are like baby tornadoes of snow! It was so neat! I have never seen it before or since! I wish I had a video of them! I am very happy you enjoyed this little tale...altho, it was no good for my son to be treated so all those years...and the kids now, who suffer with being bullied. Hugs to you too!! Susan
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
Susan,
Cool story.
Moving.
Good descriptions.
Interesting characters.
Bullying is a real problem but now they have anitbullying classes and teach the kids about it all the time. It still goes on but not as bad as it used to be. Still, it is horrible that there still are bullies..
Great ending.
luv,
katie
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
|
Susan,
Cool story.
Moving.
Good descriptions.
Interesting characters.
Bullying is a real problem but now they have anitbullying classes and teach the kids about it all the time. It still goes on but not as bad as it used to be. Still, it is horrible that there still are bullies..
Great ending.
luv,
katie
Comment Written 28-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
-
Hi Katie! Thank you for reading this! It means a lot to me, and I hope it will cease for good soon. There is no reason for any of it! Ever...it has helped shape my son into a sort of cynical sort...and it's too late now. I fought for him the best I could and literally got ignored. Thank you again my friend! Susan
-
Susan, I'm sorry your son had to go through this. And I'm glad the schools are at least trying to get rid of bullying. And you're welcome my friend,
katie
Comment from humpwhistle
Ah, Susan it must be terribly frustrating to be the parent of a bullied child. If you interfere, the kid gets a reputation as a Mamma's boy. If you do nothing, it breaks your heart. Some kids are just mean, while other kids are afraid---sadly, they always seem to find each other.
I like your vengeful Snowman Super-Hero, but I don't think Frosty fits the bill. I think a little kid might imagine a protector more in the comic book vein, than Frosty, Just a thought. Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
|
Ah, Susan it must be terribly frustrating to be the parent of a bullied child. If you interfere, the kid gets a reputation as a Mamma's boy. If you do nothing, it breaks your heart. Some kids are just mean, while other kids are afraid---sadly, they always seem to find each other.
I like your vengeful Snowman Super-Hero, but I don't think Frosty fits the bill. I think a little kid might imagine a protector more in the comic book vein, than Frosty, Just a thought. Peace, Lee
Comment Written 28-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
-
Boy, you are so right Lee. I tried to go to the teachers, then the principal...and was always put aside? Now my son is sort of jaded, because he can't trust people. It's infuriating. And bullies always grow to be dishonest and mead adults...I deal with that living here too. Just disgusting human beings. But, thank you very much for reading this! It is a joy to hear your thoughts! ") Suse
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
What a lovely yet sad story, Susan -
there's always bullies at school and
my middle son, who is so good-natured
and easy-going, was picked up on by
five boys who went around in a gang,
and beaten up because they thought he
was too good-looking and popular for his own good.
It was a terrible time.
My eldest started a new school and was swung
around and bounced against metal railings,
bruising right down his arm and ribs - and
so often these children who bully come from
abusive families.
trundled of - off
sending it's - its
and he wanted(,) oh so desperately(,) to
for it's eyes - its
Just returned last night from
Portugal and am overwhelmed
by all the messages.
Hope you had a wonderful Christmas, my dear friend.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
|
What a lovely yet sad story, Susan -
there's always bullies at school and
my middle son, who is so good-natured
and easy-going, was picked up on by
five boys who went around in a gang,
and beaten up because they thought he
was too good-looking and popular for his own good.
It was a terrible time.
My eldest started a new school and was swung
around and bounced against metal railings,
bruising right down his arm and ribs - and
so often these children who bully come from
abusive families.
trundled of - off
sending it's - its
and he wanted(,) oh so desperately(,) to
for it's eyes - its
Just returned last night from
Portugal and am overwhelmed
by all the messages.
Hope you had a wonderful Christmas, my dear friend.
Margaret.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
-
Gee Margaret, I am sorry your boys had this too...It's just awful. But with you as a mom, I bet they turned out great people! I will fix these spags too right now...thank you again my friend. What a great helper and I am out of votes! "/ I hope your trip was a fun and safe one too! ") Luv, Susan
Comment from Judy Swanson
Susan - I loved the ending of this one. I worry so about the growing bullying problem. I think you described the feelings and images of little Timmy very well, beginning with saying good-bye to his Momma in the morning and all through the hurts of his day, until frosty showed up to rescue him and give him some love too! Great imagery with the snowdevil. Made me laugh out loud.
This is an issue that needs to be addressed - and your piece takes a stand for the bullied. I'm wondering if there is a way to have Timmy gain some confidence and stand up to the bullies in the end. Or, for the teacher to take that stand.
Nice read - thought provoking.
Judy
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2010
|
Susan - I loved the ending of this one. I worry so about the growing bullying problem. I think you described the feelings and images of little Timmy very well, beginning with saying good-bye to his Momma in the morning and all through the hurts of his day, until frosty showed up to rescue him and give him some love too! Great imagery with the snowdevil. Made me laugh out loud.
This is an issue that needs to be addressed - and your piece takes a stand for the bullied. I'm wondering if there is a way to have Timmy gain some confidence and stand up to the bullies in the end. Or, for the teacher to take that stand.
Nice read - thought provoking.
Judy
Comment Written 27-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2010
-
Hi Judy! Thank you! What a thought. I could make a part two? I am just always so happy when you enjoy what I try to do! Thank you again and again! HUGS!! and a smile too! Suse
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
A good write with good imagery,hi this is a nice cheery story just woke up after boxing day celebrations. A good write and cheerful.A good children's story. Mary
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2010
|
A good write with good imagery,hi this is a nice cheery story just woke up after boxing day celebrations. A good write and cheerful.A good children's story. Mary
Comment Written 26-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2010
-
Hi Mary! Thank you! I am super happy you read this one. My son was so tormented...I just don't get why kids have to be so mean. He only started handing it back after taking it for years. I now know what the word jaded means. So sad. "/ Susan
Comment from juliaSjames
Nice Christmas story. Whimsy with a message. Bullying is a terrible blot on our modern society. And we all have to bear some responsibility for empowering this type of behavior. Thanks for sharing. I tip my hat to Frosty the Snowman! Good job!
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2010
|
Nice Christmas story. Whimsy with a message. Bullying is a terrible blot on our modern society. And we all have to bear some responsibility for empowering this type of behavior. Thanks for sharing. I tip my hat to Frosty the Snowman! Good job!
Comment Written 26-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2010
-
Hi Julia! Thank you! I am so happy you liked this. And the bullies just grow up to be mean adults...with no conscience either! It is awful. Thank you again Julia...Susan
Comment from Mustang Patty
So glad that Frosty came and helped Timmy out. From what I see on television, it appears that bullying is becoming even more of a problem than it ever was before - someone really needs to deal with it; or more Columbines will happen. Your story was wonderfully told, and held the reader's interest til the very end. Well done. ~patty~
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
|
So glad that Frosty came and helped Timmy out. From what I see on television, it appears that bullying is becoming even more of a problem than it ever was before - someone really needs to deal with it; or more Columbines will happen. Your story was wonderfully told, and held the reader's interest til the very end. Well done. ~patty~
Comment Written 26-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
-
Hi Patty! Thank you! Our son had it so hard...called the foulest names from fifth grade thru twelve...he is a jaded cynical sort now...and there was nothing I could do. We talked to teachers, principal, the whole nine yards...no help whatsoever. I do not like public schools. Most are just not good. I am so thankful for this kind review....and you are so right...those two in Columbine were teased and mocked all the time. What a horror. "( susan
Comment from missy98writer
your story is very written an enjoyable read. Your story paints a picture in the readers head. Excellent dialoge, great descriptive writing and very good narrative. You managed to established a setting, conflict and a resolution to your story. I hate bullies. In eight grade I stood up to the bitches bullying me and they got a good cussing. I kicked the main girls ass much to their surprise because I had a bad limp and many thought being crippled I couldn't fight, but I showed them. I once beat up the neighborhood bully for knocking out my sister, Suzannes tooth. I have a bad temper and it takes much to rile me, but watch out when I'm angered beyond reason. I never bullied anybody, but I stood up to them after eigth grade and I became the class clown after that. Your story Snowman is a wonderful entry in the Christmas Story contest. I wish you good luck in the contest. Have a blessed 2011, my friend.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
|
your story is very written an enjoyable read. Your story paints a picture in the readers head. Excellent dialoge, great descriptive writing and very good narrative. You managed to established a setting, conflict and a resolution to your story. I hate bullies. In eight grade I stood up to the bitches bullying me and they got a good cussing. I kicked the main girls ass much to their surprise because I had a bad limp and many thought being crippled I couldn't fight, but I showed them. I once beat up the neighborhood bully for knocking out my sister, Suzannes tooth. I have a bad temper and it takes much to rile me, but watch out when I'm angered beyond reason. I never bullied anybody, but I stood up to them after eigth grade and I became the class clown after that. Your story Snowman is a wonderful entry in the Christmas Story contest. I wish you good luck in the contest. Have a blessed 2011, my friend.
Melissa.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2010
-
Oh That's awful...I will pm you with what I did once? Lord. I love that you stood up for your sister! HA! Wait til I pm you! Thank you Melissa!! GOOD FOR YOU! HUG! Susan
Comment from anne1204
This is a great Christmas story. I love it when the under dog wins. Frosty is one of my heroes. Well written with good descriptions, touch of suspense and emotions. Nice job. Anne
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2010
|
This is a great Christmas story. I love it when the under dog wins. Frosty is one of my heroes. Well written with good descriptions, touch of suspense and emotions. Nice job. Anne
Comment Written 26-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2010
-
Hi! I am glad you like Frosty! He was my favorite as a child! And my son has been bullied so, it was an easy story to write. Sadly. Thank you so much for reading it Anne! ") Susan
