Comment from writer c

Excellent

Lee, this is a good, good story. Not vignette--story. You have got characters, setting, conflict, resolution..and more. Your humor is witty, with sly references throughout. Elba..smiley John's exile. Move over Napoleon. Marion..a nod to John Wayne, tho John would be so embarrassed to be Smiley John. And sweet Kate...shrewish, but Jemal loves her..lol All your descriptions are so you, and funny...I read it twice, just so I could laugh again.
from pilgrims to dumb prey to dumb prey no more..good, funny story progression.
I really like this one.
Carol

 Comment Written 03-Dec-2010

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reply by the author on 03-Dec-2010

Oh, Carol, thank you so much. I love that you got my John Wayne reference. Thanks for hangin' in with me Carol. Peace, Lee

Comment from Soledadpaz

Excellent

"a stronghold unlikely to weather a polite sneeze" great imagery.

Fix: for a few moments, we just sat (in) our wagons...

Alchemists! Guess in those circumstances, lead is worth its weight in gold.

Definitely a proper short story, a colorful one. It starts out making you feel sorry for the bedraggled party who are hungry and travel worn and then you quickly come to see that they have turned the other cheek, to their advantage. They will not be victimized again. They will leave victims in their tracks instead.

There are so many great lines, I would have to practically rewrite the story to mention them all. "we just left them a couple of jugs"! The speech convolutions gave it this great flavor and realism. "buffler"

I would guess Mr. Prop ain't too smiley anymore.

You should submit this story for publication, IMHO.

Sole

 Comment Written 03-Dec-2010

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reply by the author on 03-Dec-2010

Why thank you so much Sole. I know this story, both by length and by style won't garner a large audience. But I like it and I have faith in my friends to at least give it a true read. My first reviewer gave me four stars, then went on to tell me he only scanned it, but would read it for real later.

I thought about breaking it down into parts, but it isn't even 3,000 words, so screw it if I get a hundred views but only ten reviews. IMHO you are a good friend. Thanks Sole, Lee

reply by Soledadpaz on 03-Dec-2010

I'm serious, it's that good. And entertaining. I know what you mean about length vs attention span. I wonder sometimes about the land of tweetdum.

I'm reading True Grit right now, it is hilarious and kind of like your story. It reminds me of your style. If you haven't read it, do yourself a favor. We are reading it to prepare for viewing the upcoming film by the Coen brothers, a remake. We are also going to watch the John Wayne version again. We are weird that way. We are not only film buffs, but book buffs.

reply by the author on 03-Dec-2010

Sole, you are a wonder. The original True Grit is my second favorite John Wayne film (The Searchers being number one),but I am holding my breah waiting for the Coen Brothers remake. I usually find time to go to the movies about once a year, and I always save it for a western, or a Coen Brothers---this years I hit the bonus!
I'm glad you liked my story, and I'm glad we keep finding our similarities. Peace, Lee

reply by Soledadpaz on 03-Dec-2010

I need to see The Searchers again, it's been a while, but it made a definite impression on me. I love the Coen bros. Did you like Fargo? "I think I'm gonna barf!" And Burn After Reading? I love Frances McDormand, otherwise known as Mrs. Coen. I can't wait to see their True Grit. You'll have to tell me what you think of it. I'm glad we keep finding our similarities, too.

Sole

reply by the author on 03-Dec-2010

I love that we keep finding each other. Just a bit of trivia: Buddy Holly wrote "That'll Be The Day" after watching The Searchers.
One day we'll have a discussion about John Ford's Cavalry Trilogy.
Lee

reply by Soledadpaz on 03-Dec-2010

Really? Now I'm going to have that song playing in my head all day! I love John Ford's westerns. We should watch some. Stagecoach, with the Duke? And I love How Green Was My Valley.

reply by the author on 03-Dec-2010

We just keep getting closer, Sole.
My favorite Ford/Wayne is She Wore a Yellow Ribbon. But how about Ford/Fonda with Mr. Roberts? I expect we could go on with this all day. Lee

reply by Soledadpaz on 03-Dec-2010

Ahh, yes, I love both of those movies. I catch them every time they're on. I'm going to see if I can get them on Netflix livestream. I suddenly have a craving to see them again. Yes, we could go on like this all day. My kids used to watch movies with their friends while on the phone. They would watch a movie together while not together. I always wondered how that worked.

Comment from nelias nhac

Excellent

Great story but the best part is your use of slang and language. I really enjoyed that, it really helped move the story along so i didn't find it too long at all!

 Comment Written 03-Dec-2010

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reply by the author on 03-Dec-2010

Thank you so much. Some people have a very short attention span around here. I'm glad that you enjoyed. I hope we can get to read each other regularly. Thanks again. Peace, Lee

Comment from N.K. Wagner

Excellent

This is indeed a proper short story and well worth the time it took to read. It's not easy to make a pack of reavers likeable, but you've accomplished it with good humor. Thanks for the entertainment.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 03-Dec-2010

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reply by the author on 03-Dec-2010

Why thank you, N.K. I really appreciate your time and your very generous remarks. Peace, Lee

reply by N.K. Wagner on 03-Dec-2010

Any time, Lee. N.K.(Nancy)

reply by the author on 03-Dec-2010

Ah, Nancy. Nice to meet you. Lee