Smiley John, Prop
Hard times on the Oregon Trail34 total reviews
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
A captivating story from the Old West.
Authentic language that sets the stage for a roving band of thieves who once had higher aspirations.
Very well done and a pleasure to read,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2016
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A captivating story from the Old West.
Authentic language that sets the stage for a roving band of thieves who once had higher aspirations.
Very well done and a pleasure to read,
Rhonda
Comment Written 20-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2016
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Thanks so much, Rhonda. I'm delighted you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from royowen
I rather liked this rambling tale Lee, it's right down your alley, the jargon is exceptional, even the narration is along the same entertaining slightly rusty side of centre, the characters make it, Smily John. Yet things must have been tough in those pioneering days, they would have been easy pickings, those that lived would've made the west what it was. If one looks at the photos from those days, nobody looked happy.. Well done, good writing, Lee, blessings, Roy
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I rather liked this rambling tale Lee, it's right down your alley, the jargon is exceptional, even the narration is along the same entertaining slightly rusty side of centre, the characters make it, Smily John. Yet things must have been tough in those pioneering days, they would have been easy pickings, those that lived would've made the west what it was. If one looks at the photos from those days, nobody looked happy.. Well done, good writing, Lee, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 20-Jul-2016
Comment from Joy Graham
I love this story, Lee :) You never stop impressing me with your gift for the lingo of the day. I'm putty in your hands when you start up with, " 'reckon", and talking about biscuits and gravy. Whoooo-weeeee :) A wonderful western scene complete with trading post. I enjoyed every word you wrote here. Well done!
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2016
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I love this story, Lee :) You never stop impressing me with your gift for the lingo of the day. I'm putty in your hands when you start up with, " 'reckon", and talking about biscuits and gravy. Whoooo-weeeee :) A wonderful western scene complete with trading post. I enjoyed every word you wrote here. Well done!
Comment Written 20-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2016
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Thank you very much, Joy. I'm delighted you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from Challah1202
I find dialect very hard to write. It is hard to read and review too. But when I try it, I always fall back into conventional spelling and sentences structure. This story did very well on that.
I really appreciated the spacing. Long blocks of unbroken text are difficult, almost impossible to read and review. The hints about the progress of the little band of wagons moving west kept the story moving. Very good writing.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2016
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I find dialect very hard to write. It is hard to read and review too. But when I try it, I always fall back into conventional spelling and sentences structure. This story did very well on that.
I really appreciated the spacing. Long blocks of unbroken text are difficult, almost impossible to read and review. The hints about the progress of the little band of wagons moving west kept the story moving. Very good writing.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Challah. I know dialect is difficult to read, but some stories just wouldn't sound true without it. Thanks for hanging in. Peace, Lee
Comment from enitsalemap
I loved the language used in this story. It rolled of Jemal Farley's tongue and set the tone for the whole piece. The dialogue was crisp and carried the story along at a steady pace. There was a true feel of the old west and I felt this could have happened.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2016
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I loved the language used in this story. It rolled of Jemal Farley's tongue and set the tone for the whole piece. The dialogue was crisp and carried the story along at a steady pace. There was a true feel of the old west and I felt this could have happened.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2016
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Thank you, enitsalemap. I'm glad you feel some authenticity in this peace. I image there are lots of untold stories of the migration west. Glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
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You have a strong style and I like it!
Comment from AnnieDawn
This is a very enjoyable read and I wish there was more to it. It seems like you have ended it and it is not a chapter but I wish it was. Your characters are alive and the narration is enjoyable and very understandable with the old time brogue. I did give you one suggestion which you can replace or not. It just seemed out of place as I read your story. Great job...
had some sort of fortification to provide succor (Would your back woods character use a word like 'succor'?)
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2016
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This is a very enjoyable read and I wish there was more to it. It seems like you have ended it and it is not a chapter but I wish it was. Your characters are alive and the narration is enjoyable and very understandable with the old time brogue. I did give you one suggestion which you can replace or not. It just seemed out of place as I read your story. Great job...
had some sort of fortification to provide succor (Would your back woods character use a word like 'succor'?)
Comment Written 20-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2016
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Thank you, AnnieDawn. I'm delighted you enjoyed the story. Actually, succor is a word that has fallen out of favor relatively lately. The word 'succor' first appears in the 13th Century, it crossed the channel into Old English, and was incorporated in various Bible translations. I'm thinking it was a more popular word in the 19th century than it is today.
Thank you again. Peace, Lee
Comment from Hayley Solomon
Excellent read, characters maintained throughout, goofs of dialogue and American accent, excellent humour, can picture it all quite clearly.
It sure beats the buttons off my britches! Laughing
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2016
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Excellent read, characters maintained throughout, goofs of dialogue and American accent, excellent humour, can picture it all quite clearly.
It sure beats the buttons off my britches! Laughing
Comment Written 20-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2016
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Thanks so much, Hayley. I appreciate the read and the review. Peace, Lee
Comment from Halfree
I gave you five on this..But...
You asked me to read and I have been back to the story 4 to 5 times. Really like the plot and story line. the story teller overworks the similes. "Belly-growl" ,"jus twix" "runt kitten" "horse pistol" "lag behind for a spell", "slicker than spit". We know he is a man of little education, you don't have to prove it.
Try reversing some sentence to keep the flow natural.
I offer the following as how I might have written; "When you've been livin' on water and dried corn for a time, biscuits, salt-pork and beans is a fine meal...fine indeed."
Just too much country sayings. As you know I write about about simple people with country or folk saying. Think you are overdoing it. Then again, I could be full of it. I think its a good story that can be made even better with some rewrite.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2010
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I gave you five on this..But...
You asked me to read and I have been back to the story 4 to 5 times. Really like the plot and story line. the story teller overworks the similes. "Belly-growl" ,"jus twix" "runt kitten" "horse pistol" "lag behind for a spell", "slicker than spit". We know he is a man of little education, you don't have to prove it.
Try reversing some sentence to keep the flow natural.
I offer the following as how I might have written; "When you've been livin' on water and dried corn for a time, biscuits, salt-pork and beans is a fine meal...fine indeed."
Just too much country sayings. As you know I write about about simple people with country or folk saying. Think you are overdoing it. Then again, I could be full of it. I think its a good story that can be made even better with some rewrite.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2010
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Thanks, Halfree. That is the kind of feedback I was looking for. You are not the first to tell me I over-write. I appreciate your comments and the five stars even if I didn't deserve them. Thanks again, Lee
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The five is on potential...Would love to see a rewrite.
Comment from Judian James
Say what??? That first paragraph is brilliant. Who could not keep reading after that one? I love your voice, your humor, your wonderfully descriptive dialogues. BRAVO. I think you might consider droppin' some "g"s off the ends of a lot of the "ing" words. Just a thought. Loved it, right up to the, oh so charming, final lines!! Good one L.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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Say what??? That first paragraph is brilliant. Who could not keep reading after that one? I love your voice, your humor, your wonderfully descriptive dialogues. BRAVO. I think you might consider droppin' some "g"s off the ends of a lot of the "ing" words. Just a thought. Loved it, right up to the, oh so charming, final lines!! Good one L.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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Thank you Jude. I'm glad you appreciate the dialect---some believe it is too difficult to read. Well, don't that beat the buttons off'n my britches! I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
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Well, those "some" are wrong!!
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That's what I say, but still "some" have the audacity to disagree. Philadelphians!
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One of my favorite movies of all times was "Philadelphia". Now, I'm all confused ...
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Sorry, kiddo, I was trying to be funny. I meant it to be a warping of Philistines! I'm not as funny as I think I am. Lee
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Oh, don't be so hard on yourself! Now that I understand your crazy humor, I STILL like you and look forward to your next post!! (Philadelphia still remains one of my favorite moveis however!)
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Lee. How's it going? Quite a story you have here. LOL...I Have to give you credit first of all for the lingo used. Dialect is the hardest thing to do in writing. If you don't nail every word repeatedly, you will get caught by the trained eye. Example:
""No sir, I'd be thinking that little piece of ox snot sold me out to the first sorry bunch of pilgrims..." LOL
I like the way you constructed the stroy an dthe way if flows. Good job.. Bob
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2010
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Hi, Lee. How's it going? Quite a story you have here. LOL...I Have to give you credit first of all for the lingo used. Dialect is the hardest thing to do in writing. If you don't nail every word repeatedly, you will get caught by the trained eye. Example:
""No sir, I'd be thinking that little piece of ox snot sold me out to the first sorry bunch of pilgrims..." LOL
I like the way you constructed the stroy an dthe way if flows. Good job.. Bob
Comment Written 04-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2010
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Thank you Mastery. I get gigged and praised for the dialect in equal portions. Sometimes my characters talk to me that way, and I just record it. Thanks for being understanding. Lee
