The War Horse
A young brave wants a war horse33 total reviews
Comment from Larrypic11
I thought this was a wonderfully told tale of youth, desire and acceptance of nature. The combination of all those elements, with the simple yet eloquent narrative, makes it truly exceptional. Good luck in the contest. Larry
reply by the author on 25-May-2011
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I thought this was a wonderfully told tale of youth, desire and acceptance of nature. The combination of all those elements, with the simple yet eloquent narrative, makes it truly exceptional. Good luck in the contest. Larry
Comment Written 11-May-2011
reply by the author on 25-May-2011
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Hi Larry! Thank you so much for this nice review!~ I really appreciate this and am sorry for this late reply...I am moving and so busy, and my regular pc is in storage. I am just thrilled that you liked this! ") Thank you again! Susan
Comment from rawahymis
What a well written epic of the old west, or 'frontier' as Louis L'Amour liked to coin it. The setting and language used were all just perfect, the reader is taken very close to camp and cannot help feeling part of the 'clan'.
I got so carried away I looked around the corner for what would happen next!
Think about a sequel?
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What a well written epic of the old west, or 'frontier' as Louis L'Amour liked to coin it. The setting and language used were all just perfect, the reader is taken very close to camp and cannot help feeling part of the 'clan'.
I got so carried away I looked around the corner for what would happen next!
Think about a sequel?
Comment Written 09-May-2011
Comment from KiwiGal
A nice story; I've always liked the Indians better than the cowboys, but it's not terribly accurate in places.
A pony is not a horse; ponies are under a certain height and are simply smaller. Having said that, Paints, Appaloosas and Quarter Horses are not very big, and some may even be pony size (and sometimes 'pony' is used as an endearment and, yes, there was the Pony Express) but because of their breeding, they are always called horses.
Mustangs are also not very big ....I think what I'm trying to say here is that they should be called either horses or ponies - not both! There. That's clearer!
Your young brave issued a challenge and a promise that he'd be back. Didn't happen.
There is, in my opinion too much 'great' and 'big' to describe the stallion in such a short story; and most mustang stallions would not be that big as life is hard, searching for food and always moving.
The only times the breed got better was when settlers' or army horses escaped or were released, but it would take an exceptional stallion to withstand the rigours of the wild and the challenges of the hardened wild stallions with their innate knowledge of the waterholes and landscape.
Then a mare, apparently from their own herd, has a replica colt to the wild stallion. This would not happen; she would have to have been driven off and kept by him, after having fought the Indians' stallion which, of course, they would not allow to happen. In fact a wild herd would stay right away from human presence.
It would also be impossible to have just one young boy go off and try to capture a 'great horse' by himself. Mustangs could always outrun a horse and rider - and it could go for days. Only when the cowboys and their grain-fed horses got serious (and modern-day tactics of course) about capturing did things change.
All up, despite your name(lol) not very realist. A good story for undiscerning pre-teens, but not perhaps for this site - or maybe it's just me....
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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A nice story; I've always liked the Indians better than the cowboys, but it's not terribly accurate in places.
A pony is not a horse; ponies are under a certain height and are simply smaller. Having said that, Paints, Appaloosas and Quarter Horses are not very big, and some may even be pony size (and sometimes 'pony' is used as an endearment and, yes, there was the Pony Express) but because of their breeding, they are always called horses.
Mustangs are also not very big ....I think what I'm trying to say here is that they should be called either horses or ponies - not both! There. That's clearer!
Your young brave issued a challenge and a promise that he'd be back. Didn't happen.
There is, in my opinion too much 'great' and 'big' to describe the stallion in such a short story; and most mustang stallions would not be that big as life is hard, searching for food and always moving.
The only times the breed got better was when settlers' or army horses escaped or were released, but it would take an exceptional stallion to withstand the rigours of the wild and the challenges of the hardened wild stallions with their innate knowledge of the waterholes and landscape.
Then a mare, apparently from their own herd, has a replica colt to the wild stallion. This would not happen; she would have to have been driven off and kept by him, after having fought the Indians' stallion which, of course, they would not allow to happen. In fact a wild herd would stay right away from human presence.
It would also be impossible to have just one young boy go off and try to capture a 'great horse' by himself. Mustangs could always outrun a horse and rider - and it could go for days. Only when the cowboys and their grain-fed horses got serious (and modern-day tactics of course) about capturing did things change.
All up, despite your name(lol) not very realist. A good story for undiscerning pre-teens, but not perhaps for this site - or maybe it's just me....
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-May-2011
Comment from dinoscribe
This is a wonderful story about the coming of age. The description and visual; imagery draws the reader in and holds them right through to the end. Fantastic work.
Good luck in the contest. :)
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This is a wonderful story about the coming of age. The description and visual; imagery draws the reader in and holds them right through to the end. Fantastic work.
Good luck in the contest. :)
Comment Written 07-May-2011
Comment from juliaSjames
What a charming tale! I admire the way you enter the POV of the young brave and depict his world. Yet it is a story for all times and places. It reminds that if we focus with the pure power of the young, if we see the signs that are given us ... then we get our heart's desire.
Loved the excitement of the chase in the storm. You brought it to crackling life! In particular, I liked the feisty pony who didn't want to give up.
There is just one place where I would change a word - you write of the mare "sneaking off". I know what you mean. But if you ever edit this story, I suggest you change that one word.
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What a charming tale! I admire the way you enter the POV of the young brave and depict his world. Yet it is a story for all times and places. It reminds that if we focus with the pure power of the young, if we see the signs that are given us ... then we get our heart's desire.
Loved the excitement of the chase in the storm. You brought it to crackling life! In particular, I liked the feisty pony who didn't want to give up.
There is just one place where I would change a word - you write of the mare "sneaking off". I know what you mean. But if you ever edit this story, I suggest you change that one word.
Comment Written 03-May-2011
Comment from Carrie Smith
Hi Suse, Sorry to be so late with this. I enjoyed this story from first line to last. I could see the boy as he chased the herd of wild ponies trying to catch the stallion. And then the vivid, so true, of the life of the Cheyenne people. All made for a really intertaining read.Loved it! Hugs...Susan
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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Hi Suse, Sorry to be so late with this. I enjoyed this story from first line to last. I could see the boy as he chased the herd of wild ponies trying to catch the stallion. And then the vivid, so true, of the life of the Cheyenne people. All made for a really intertaining read.Loved it! Hugs...Susan
Comment Written 05-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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HI There!! It's okay! I am 60 reviews late in thanking them...just terrible. I am so happy you liked this Susan! Your thoughts mean a lot to me and I appreciate your time too! I know how it is...I will never get caught up...all I do is wade around in boxes and try to decide what to keep and what to toss. OH! I had your painting going, and messed it up, trying to work tired...so am starting over. I will get you a new canvas too. SOOo sorry! Be patient! I will not forget you...xoxo, susan
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Hey, Glad to hear from you. Please don't worry about the painting, Susan. You have enough on your plate right now what with trying to get ready to move and what not. I hope you are feeling okay with your leg. Let me know how that's going and everything else! Don't even mention reviewing - I give up! I just do the best I can and you do too! No need to get all upset, it will just make you feel worse. We need to talk soon. Just let me know when it suits!...xoxoSusan
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") I am so sleepy by 11 pm? Try calling around 8 or so? If you want, if the landline is busy, call the cell, and I will call you back! ") Hope you guys are having a good day!! xoxo, susan
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Tell you what, Suse. I know you are really worn out, so you just give me a call when you feel like it. I perfectly understand, I just wish I could help you out. Love, Susan
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You help me, Susan, thanks for being here!! xoxo....s.
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Susan, I read one of your stories and think it's my favorite and then here comes another just as good or better. I stll love "The Wind"..I'm right here, Susan and you call anytime you need to talk, day or night! Try to get some rest...luv Ya...Susanxoxo
Comment from sugardog
I love your horse/native american stories, Susan. So interesting, and you are good at creating stunning visuals/imagery. I love the birth of the foal-well told and the ending-he gets his horse. Very fun little tale. Dana
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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I love your horse/native american stories, Susan. So interesting, and you are good at creating stunning visuals/imagery. I love the birth of the foal-well told and the ending-he gets his horse. Very fun little tale. Dana
Comment Written 04-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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Hi Dana!! Thank you! SO much...I'm always glad if you like what I try to do...It's so helpful to be encouraged by someone I admire! Thanks again and I hope you have a great spring too!! HUG! Susan
Comment from E.P. Thomas
Suse,
This was an interesting story with lots of action. I was surprised by the time span such a short story was abole to cover. You created a lot of nice aural and visual imagery, especially during the chase scene, and the storm set a symbolic background for the upheaval of the chase. I would like to have seen an occasional Native American word used to add a greater level of realism and authencity to the story, but that's just me. Running Deer got his stallion after all. Good tale.
g
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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Suse,
This was an interesting story with lots of action. I was surprised by the time span such a short story was abole to cover. You created a lot of nice aural and visual imagery, especially during the chase scene, and the storm set a symbolic background for the upheaval of the chase. I would like to have seen an occasional Native American word used to add a greater level of realism and authencity to the story, but that's just me. Running Deer got his stallion after all. Good tale.
g
Comment Written 04-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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HI G! Thanks!! I will do some research asap, and see what I can do to use your suggestion! I did think of that, but didn't take the time to find the proper words. NOT good. Lazy! I am trying to move, well, pack...and no where yet to go with three horses , cats, dogs...I am losing my mind. It's great to hear from you G! I appreciate your ideas!! ")) Susan
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Just a couple of authentic NA words, especially words referring to the horse word be enough. If not, then leave it the way you have it. Good story. g
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Okay, but I will Google the Cheyenne language? I should have done that first? Good idea, g!! ") S.
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Glad to help.
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") S.
Comment from humpwhistle
Suse, what an inspiring story. You seem to know your Indian lore. I think it was Meriwhether Lewis who commented that the Cheyenne were the most handsome of the Indian tribes.
The chase was exciting. And the yearing of the boy is palpable. Your resolution, with the foal, is perfect.
Have you ever read Undaunted Courage by Stephen Ambrose?
It is yet another telling of Lewis and Clark and the Corps of Discovery, but it is such an amazing tale.
You right about a lot of things, Susan. I admire you for that. Great work.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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Suse, what an inspiring story. You seem to know your Indian lore. I think it was Meriwhether Lewis who commented that the Cheyenne were the most handsome of the Indian tribes.
The chase was exciting. And the yearing of the boy is palpable. Your resolution, with the foal, is perfect.
Have you ever read Undaunted Courage by Stephen Ambrose?
It is yet another telling of Lewis and Clark and the Corps of Discovery, but it is such an amazing tale.
You right about a lot of things, Susan. I admire you for that. Great work.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 04-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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Hi Lee!! Thank you so much. An awe-inspiring little plus! Wow!! Hug for that! And this book you speak of sounds good! I'll look it up online and see if I can find it! Have you read "Sacajawea"? It's very long, but a wonderful book! My copy is all tattered and worn. If you havn't read it, you should someday? Thanks again, Lee. You're a great friend....susan
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Well deserved, Susan. We both have an affinity for Native Americans. I haven't read Sacajawea, but I suspect it covers the L&C expedition, too. Larry McMurtry wrote a four-volume cycle called the Berrybender Narratives that includes Toussaint Charbonneau and Pomp---the son Sacajawea bore during the expedition. It's fiction, but it is a good read. Lee
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Yes, it is! Such a fascinating book...I need to read more. Maybe after I get moved, and live in a quiet place I can do more.? Ha. I will jot this title down so I don't forget! Thanks for telling me about it, Lee! ") S.
Comment from BethShelby
This is a beautiful story of the Indian boy and his quest to find a horse. I like the descriptive language you have used. I really enjoyed reading this.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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This is a beautiful story of the Indian boy and his quest to find a horse. I like the descriptive language you have used. I really enjoyed reading this.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
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HI Beth! I am thrilled that you liked this! It took forever to get done, too, for some reason...I am happy to hear from you, I was worried about the storms down your way? I hope you fared well! We had a storm, but not bad...so far, so good!?? HUGS and another heartfelt thank you!! xoxo, susan
