Whispers in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Off to Fairbanks --by BROOK ANNE"Brook's best lead dog is struck deaf
26 total reviews
Comment from G. Eleck
I had never read the chapters leading up to this one for this book so this morning i sat down and i really enjoyed them all... Well done on some fantastic writting...
Thank you for a great read.
G :)
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2010
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I had never read the chapters leading up to this one for this book so this morning i sat down and i really enjoyed them all... Well done on some fantastic writting...
Thank you for a great read.
G :)
Comment Written 26-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your comments and review. I truly appreciate that you read the back chapters too. Marie
Comment from RazberryBullet
Liked these lines--"So, Shemya saved you and his team from an angry moose. And then he led his team to rescue us."
Brook is admirable here: "If you lend me two of your dogs, how can you be in the race?" "I can sign up in the sixteen-year-old division with just six dogs.
Well done!
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2010
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Liked these lines--"So, Shemya saved you and his team from an angry moose. And then he led his team to rescue us."
Brook is admirable here: "If you lend me two of your dogs, how can you be in the race?" "I can sign up in the sixteen-year-old division with just six dogs.
Well done!
Comment Written 26-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your comments and taking the time to review this chapter.
Comment from Rafaqat Bano
Hi
it is good work ...it is intersting ...as it is about the dogs ....and their race .....subject is strong enough and a grip as a whole is admirable ... sometimes it seams vague as it is a chapter and would is connected with the other othe rchaoters a sweell. thanks for sharing your work ...it is done very well .
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2010
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Hi
it is good work ...it is intersting ...as it is about the dogs ....and their race .....subject is strong enough and a grip as a whole is admirable ... sometimes it seams vague as it is a chapter and would is connected with the other othe rchaoters a sweell. thanks for sharing your work ...it is done very well .
Comment Written 26-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2010
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Thanks you for your comments and review.
Comment from Tellis
Another really great chapter with no spags I could find. I enjoyed reading this story and I wonder when these two will realize how much they belong together. LoL
Tellis
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2010
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Another really great chapter with no spags I could find. I enjoyed reading this story and I wonder when these two will realize how much they belong together. LoL
Tellis
Comment Written 25-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2010
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Thanks for your comments. I'm hoping one more chapter will finish this novella. I appreciate the time you gave to reviewing it, Tellis.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
I really like the interplay between Brook and James. It's nice getting another chapter of this.
[You changed tenses here]
Brook and her dad had left[leave] me sitting in a crowded waiting room. Thankfully, they tend[] to bedding down both our teams while I sweat out waiting to hear the fate of Blackie and Spig.
"James Samuelson," call[s] a nurse in pale green. "Dr. Ross is ready to speak with you about your injured dogs."
With my Jonsey and Libby[,] you'll have eight."
Roberta
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2010
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I really like the interplay between Brook and James. It's nice getting another chapter of this.
[You changed tenses here]
Brook and her dad had left[leave] me sitting in a crowded waiting room. Thankfully, they tend[] to bedding down both our teams while I sweat out waiting to hear the fate of Blackie and Spig.
"James Samuelson," call[s] a nurse in pale green. "Dr. Ross is ready to speak with you about your injured dogs."
With my Jonsey and Libby[,] you'll have eight."
Roberta
Comment Written 25-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2010
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Roberta, you are wonder in catching these errors in tense. Thanks a million for so much help. Marie
Comment from MyYiaYia
What a great idea Brook had. She must really like James, deep down inside. LOL! I knew that had to be the solution, otherwise, there wouldn't be a story. This is such a great young adult book. I am so glad you are writing it. Debbie :0)
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2010
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What a great idea Brook had. She must really like James, deep down inside. LOL! I knew that had to be the solution, otherwise, there wouldn't be a story. This is such a great young adult book. I am so glad you are writing it. Debbie :0)
Comment Written 25-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2010
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Debbie, you please me so much for taking time to review all these chapters. Many thanks. Marie
Comment from Winslow
Dear Alaska Story,
Quite a tale about the love of a boy for his dogs. I enjoyed reading about how he handled the situation and come out ahead in the end.
I think you could improve this by writing in an active style rather than passive. Also try to avoid overuse of ly words. Try putting more emotion in by showing, not telling, emotional responses of the characters. Your descriptions are good and detailed.
For example:
My breath heaves in relief and loosens the tightness in my throat. "That's good news, Doctor."
suggested edit:
I sigh in relief and it loosens my tight throat.
"That's rough news, son." His hugging arm squeezes around my shoulders and brings the tears of a little kid to my eyes.
edited:
"That's rough news, son." He puts his arms around my shoulders and squeezes which brings tears to my eyes.
and so on.
I hope this helps.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2010
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Dear Alaska Story,
Quite a tale about the love of a boy for his dogs. I enjoyed reading about how he handled the situation and come out ahead in the end.
I think you could improve this by writing in an active style rather than passive. Also try to avoid overuse of ly words. Try putting more emotion in by showing, not telling, emotional responses of the characters. Your descriptions are good and detailed.
For example:
My breath heaves in relief and loosens the tightness in my throat. "That's good news, Doctor."
suggested edit:
I sigh in relief and it loosens my tight throat.
"That's rough news, son." His hugging arm squeezes around my shoulders and brings the tears of a little kid to my eyes.
edited:
"That's rough news, son." He puts his arms around my shoulders and squeezes which brings tears to my eyes.
and so on.
I hope this helps.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 25-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2010
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Winslow, your suggestions are very helpful. You fulfill my hopes from a FS review. Many thanks. Marie
Comment from irishauthorme
This is a great chapter, you have all of the right ingredients, and they are mixed well! The tension of the upcoming race is counterbalanced by the attack on the dogs by the moose. You added some good flavor with the warm emotions between the characters, accented by Brook's offer of two dogs to James, a great sacrifice on her part. The underlying romance of Brook and James pulls everything together, and pulls me toward the next chapter.
Good work, Kid!
irish
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2010
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This is a great chapter, you have all of the right ingredients, and they are mixed well! The tension of the upcoming race is counterbalanced by the attack on the dogs by the moose. You added some good flavor with the warm emotions between the characters, accented by Brook's offer of two dogs to James, a great sacrifice on her part. The underlying romance of Brook and James pulls everything together, and pulls me toward the next chapter.
Good work, Kid!
irish
Comment Written 25-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2010
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Many thanks for your comments and review of the details, Irish. I sure do appreciate the time you gave this chapter. luv, Marie
Comment from Gena_Marie13
I have not read your other chapters yet, but now I definitely intend to now, this is great, your descriptions are wonderful, very realistic! I am very intrigued!
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2010
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I have not read your other chapters yet, but now I definitely intend to now, this is great, your descriptions are wonderful, very realistic! I am very intrigued!
Comment Written 25-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your comments and the time you gave this review.
Comment from animatqua
This is an interesting chapter. The presentation of two view points helped to catch me up with the story, although this chapter could easily stand on its own, as well.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2010
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This is an interesting chapter. The presentation of two view points helped to catch me up with the story, although this chapter could easily stand on its own, as well.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2010
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Thank you for taking time to review this chapter. I appreciate your comments.
