Said The Spider To The Fly
Fly away, little one, run for your life.30 total reviews
Comment from dave d yes its me
excellent work this had me thinking
first the spider luring it victims
then splat when his guards down
this had a couple
meanings either keep your guard up always
or
its a warning to watchout
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2010
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excellent work this had me thinking
first the spider luring it victims
then splat when his guards down
this had a couple
meanings either keep your guard up always
or
its a warning to watchout
Comment Written 16-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2010
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Hi Dave! Yes, you are right. This is a sort of sattire on things. SO glad you got a kick out of it? AND took a minute to let me know too..thank you again! ") Susan
Comment from Daylok
Wow what a wicked piece of writting!! I like this so much!! A great ending and I was interested from the picture and throughout the whole read!! What a crazy picture!! Nicely done! Great discriptions too!!-Daylok
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2010
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Wow what a wicked piece of writting!! I like this so much!! A great ending and I was interested from the picture and throughout the whole read!! What a crazy picture!! Nicely done! Great discriptions too!!-Daylok
Comment Written 14-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2010
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I know, that pix was neat! I used it over a real spider pix. How odd...thank you Daylok. I will get to your story now, and I really appreciate your time for me! ") Susan
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Your very welcome!
Comment from Korton
This is an excellent and thoroughly enjoyble story. The thoughts that were assigned to the creatures gave them an almost human like quality. Very well done.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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This is an excellent and thoroughly enjoyble story. The thoughts that were assigned to the creatures gave them an almost human like quality. Very well done.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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Hi Frank! Thank you!! I tried to make this a humorous tale, but it's odd, for sure! Thanks for taking time to review for me! ") It's great to hear from you! Susan
Comment from CodyJack
I think you did very good for a flash fiction. No unnecessary words that I can see. The story was interesting and kept my interest through out. Great story. Cody
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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I think you did very good for a flash fiction. No unnecessary words that I can see. The story was interesting and kept my interest through out. Great story. Cody
Comment Written 14-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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Hi Cody! Thank you! I am happy you enjoyed this silly tale, also thank you for taking this time to review for me too! I do appreciate it! Happy writing ! ") Susan
Comment from E.P. Thomas
Susan,
I'm having some trouble understanding this piece, so let me explain how I see it. First, you have listed it as fantasy, so a reader will allow a lot of leeway in terms of plausability.
I was pretty sure that both characters were what you said they were: a spider and a fly. But then the bar setting made me wonder whether the piece was really an allegory and represented a one-night stand situation. The reference to the fy mortgaging her soul to the devil and then suggesting the fly was the devil coming to claim his prey further confused me. There was a reference to the history of the tavern, and then the bartender came downstairs and beat the wampum out of the biggest spider he'd ever seen.
Did I understand the story correctly?
Here's my suggestion. By the way, you're more than welcome to toss it back and beat the wampum out of me with it. I cd use some attention, even negative attention, at the moment anyway.
If you haven't done so already, you shd be clear in your mind as to the message of the story you want to tell, and then develop a story line that will deliver the message. For example, the story is an allegory about the whole pathetic bar and one-night-stand scene, using a spider and a fly as allegorical characters. What's the message you want the story to send? It sounds like the woman pretty much loses her 'soul/self-respect' during the encounter. But where this situation I'm using as an example falls apart, at least in my mind, is when the bartender, who is actually a man, comes along and smashes the spider. That doesn't fit into my scheme.
I wd really like to hear from you as to your original intent, and then perhaps I cd offer you some helpful advice. Perhaps I completely missed the banana boat.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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Susan,
I'm having some trouble understanding this piece, so let me explain how I see it. First, you have listed it as fantasy, so a reader will allow a lot of leeway in terms of plausability.
I was pretty sure that both characters were what you said they were: a spider and a fly. But then the bar setting made me wonder whether the piece was really an allegory and represented a one-night stand situation. The reference to the fy mortgaging her soul to the devil and then suggesting the fly was the devil coming to claim his prey further confused me. There was a reference to the history of the tavern, and then the bartender came downstairs and beat the wampum out of the biggest spider he'd ever seen.
Did I understand the story correctly?
Here's my suggestion. By the way, you're more than welcome to toss it back and beat the wampum out of me with it. I cd use some attention, even negative attention, at the moment anyway.
If you haven't done so already, you shd be clear in your mind as to the message of the story you want to tell, and then develop a story line that will deliver the message. For example, the story is an allegory about the whole pathetic bar and one-night-stand scene, using a spider and a fly as allegorical characters. What's the message you want the story to send? It sounds like the woman pretty much loses her 'soul/self-respect' during the encounter. But where this situation I'm using as an example falls apart, at least in my mind, is when the bartender, who is actually a man, comes along and smashes the spider. That doesn't fit into my scheme.
I wd really like to hear from you as to your original intent, and then perhaps I cd offer you some helpful advice. Perhaps I completely missed the banana boat.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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") No, you are right G! This was the beginning of a contest entry? That was to start with "Have we met before?" I missed the deadline, so tried to shorten it to make it a flash? Just for practice and fun. Some other reviewers said basically the same thing! SO, please don't feel bad...this is why I trust your reviews. I will work on it, my pc was down for the last 14 hours or so, I don't know why. I need a new computer and better security. But I was trying to make this sort of funny, with the ending? I don't know. I have a long way to go, that's for sure! I just get these hair-brained ideas, sometimes I think I am going completely insane! HA! ") I look forward to "talking" to you about things, so never hesitate to say what you think! I appreciate, and I am happy to hear from you. Susan
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You can always pm and run ideas past me whenever you want. What did you think of my other idea?
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Which one G? You have given me several, and I am in the midst of crazy time around here these passed few days?? "( S.
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The one I e-mailed you about.
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Hi again! I agree, and I will get to this...you are right, it was the start of another story and I tried to shorten it, without enough thought. Thank you g, I always appreciate your candid critiques. I did answer this once, Evil Eddie must be on the loose. I sure hope all is well with you and yours. I now have your opinions in the back of my mind with each thing I write ... because you have been right in all your suggestions and opines!! ") Susan
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
A great job in my opinion.You kept the reader involved to the end and in fact this story was so real that at times it was not fantasy at all. Also it made me smile.
Giddy
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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A great job in my opinion.You kept the reader involved to the end and in fact this story was so real that at times it was not fantasy at all. Also it made me smile.
Giddy
Comment Written 14-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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Hi Giddy!! I am SO glad you saw the dark humor in this!! GOOD! I wanted it to be sort of funny, in the end? Thank you so very much! Glad to have you read and review for me!! ") Susan
Comment from bowls
This is a really interesting story. I love the personification of the spider and fly at the beginning. I think that makes it easy for the reader to get into the story and relate to the poor victim. I'm certainly glad the spider met his nemesis at the end of the story. I suppose you could go even farther and have something happen to the grumpy old man, but maybe then you'd be into an epic tale instead of flash faction. I enjoyed your writing style very much. It was most expressive.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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This is a really interesting story. I love the personification of the spider and fly at the beginning. I think that makes it easy for the reader to get into the story and relate to the poor victim. I'm certainly glad the spider met his nemesis at the end of the story. I suppose you could go even farther and have something happen to the grumpy old man, but maybe then you'd be into an epic tale instead of flash faction. I enjoyed your writing style very much. It was most expressive.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Hi Fausto!! Thank you so much!! This was a fun one, I had fun creeping myself out with it! ") It's wonderful to know you liked this and I also appreciate your time you have taken to review for me too! Very nice hearing your thoughts!! ") Happy writing my friend! Susan
Comment from sugardog
Wonderful writing, Susan!! I really enjoyed this fantasy piece-cool subject-very creative. You are such a great writer and are so talented writing soooo many different kinds of pieces. I LOVE the description and the flow of the story. The ending was really good! I don't like spiders much, except that they do eat yucky flies! You should have entered this into a contest. The only suggestion I have is that when you write flash fiction you want to limit superfluous words, like "extremely grumpy", you could just say "grumpy". That's just for flash fiction though...so there's my two cents for what it's worth-I don't know much and am still learning all this myself! You are a wonderful story teller and I enjoy all that you write :) Hugs to you-Dana
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Wonderful writing, Susan!! I really enjoyed this fantasy piece-cool subject-very creative. You are such a great writer and are so talented writing soooo many different kinds of pieces. I LOVE the description and the flow of the story. The ending was really good! I don't like spiders much, except that they do eat yucky flies! You should have entered this into a contest. The only suggestion I have is that when you write flash fiction you want to limit superfluous words, like "extremely grumpy", you could just say "grumpy". That's just for flash fiction though...so there's my two cents for what it's worth-I don't know much and am still learning all this myself! You are a wonderful story teller and I enjoy all that you write :) Hugs to you-Dana
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Hi Dana! thank you!! What a great review! I'm sure glad to make you smile with a silly little tale! I had started to enter this in that contest "start with this?" So, I missed it or something, just thought I would turn it into a short story? I do use too many fancy words tho, someone else said this too! So, I will try to eliminate some of them!! You are so right~ !Thank you my friend!! I hope you are getting some nice weather to be outside? Give Sugar a pet for me too? ") Smiles and hugs too!! Susan
Comment from michaelcindy
What an unusual plot although well written and very entertaining. I felt sorry for the fly though and happy the fat guy splattered the spider all over. Good story.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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What an unusual plot although well written and very entertaining. I felt sorry for the fly though and happy the fat guy splattered the spider all over. Good story.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Hi there!! Thank you!! I am happy you got a kick out of this silly tale!! I really appreciate your time too, to let me know your thoughts! ") HUGS! Susan
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Your welcome and I hope to read more of your work in future.
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well thank you again!! I need to read yours too! I will asap! ") Susan
Comment from barbara.wilkey
OH DEAR! What an interesting twist you put on this. I found it interesting and it keep me reading to see exactly what would happen. Good writing.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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OH DEAR! What an interesting twist you put on this. I found it interesting and it keep me reading to see exactly what would happen. Good writing.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Hi Barbara!! Thank you! Isn't that picture strange?? I could not resist it! I am glad you liked this, and I hope it made you smile a little? in a queasy, well, not TOO queasy way! Thank you again, your opinion means a lot to me!! ") Love! Susan
