Whispers in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "A Real Hero --by BROOK ANNE"Brook's best lead dog is struck deaf
11 total reviews
Comment from Jetco
I did not look for any spag since I am not an editor having flunked out of English in high school. About all I can do is read and review. I like the fast read and what little I know no spag problems and nothing glaring stood out so its a good read.
JIm
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2010
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I did not look for any spag since I am not an editor having flunked out of English in high school. About all I can do is read and review. I like the fast read and what little I know no spag problems and nothing glaring stood out so its a good read.
JIm
Comment Written 16-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2010
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I appreciate the time you gave this chapter. Thanks so much.
Comment from acvguard11
good job....dont let others discourage you from writing if thats what you love...which i aassume it iss...anyway good job and hope to see more chapters posted soon keep writing
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2010
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good job....dont let others discourage you from writing if thats what you love...which i aassume it iss...anyway good job and hope to see more chapters posted soon keep writing
Comment Written 16-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2010
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Thanks for the encouragement. I appreciate the time you gave this chapter.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
Hey, where have you been? I was afraid I'd missed something so went back to check the date of your last post. Everything okay?
We stop[, and] then go, as we move slowly forward.
After nearly an hour, the town of Fairbanks comes in sight, -- After nearly an hour from where; from home, from where they turned onto the paved highway? It's 120 miles from Tucson to Phoenix and takes two hour driving full out. One hundred miles on gravel must take more than two hours. 50 miles on paves would be nearly an hour. So, Nearly an hour later?
Roberta
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Hey, where have you been? I was afraid I'd missed something so went back to check the date of your last post. Everything okay?
We stop[, and] then go, as we move slowly forward.
After nearly an hour, the town of Fairbanks comes in sight, -- After nearly an hour from where; from home, from where they turned onto the paved highway? It's 120 miles from Tucson to Phoenix and takes two hour driving full out. One hundred miles on gravel must take more than two hours. 50 miles on paves would be nearly an hour. So, Nearly an hour later?
Roberta
Comment Written 13-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Thanks for the suggestions, Roberta. It was months of no writing, but I'm now 99% recovered from brain tumor surgery. I appreciate your help!!
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What happened! did you let friends on FS know what happened? Did I miss something?
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Well, I just had a sudden discovery of a tumor and I'm thankful that recovery seems to be quite speedy. Thanks for asking, Roberta
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I am so glad you're doing okay.
Comment from Allezw2
Lady Alaskastory,
We go to the snow here, and graveled roads are rare in our experience now.
It wasn't always that way, so your counts on the vehicle traversing distance on such a road in an inhospitable environment ring true.
You have an interesting interpersonal relationship developing among the teens you have introduced.
It is an interesting story and a pleasure to read.
Fantasist
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Lady Alaskastory,
We go to the snow here, and graveled roads are rare in our experience now.
It wasn't always that way, so your counts on the vehicle traversing distance on such a road in an inhospitable environment ring true.
You have an interesting interpersonal relationship developing among the teens you have introduced.
It is an interesting story and a pleasure to read.
Fantasist
Comment Written 13-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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I'm happy to hear you found this chapter a bit interesting. Thanks so much for taking time to read and review it.
Comment from Tellis
It's good to read another chapter in this fine story and I enjoyed it very much. I didn't find any spags to speak of and keep up the great work.
Tellis
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2010
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It's good to read another chapter in this fine story and I enjoyed it very much. I didn't find any spags to speak of and keep up the great work.
Tellis
Comment Written 13-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2010
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Thanks, Tellis. I'm glad you find this story of some interest.
Comment from MyYiaYia
It is so good to see you back and writing again, Marie. This was an excellent chapter with lots of wonderful description of the Alaskan landscape and wildlife. I could almost feel the cold crisp air in my nostrils and the painfully slow moving around the herd, as if I were there. I see the competition is on between James and Brook once more. Looking forward to the next installment.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2010
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It is so good to see you back and writing again, Marie. This was an excellent chapter with lots of wonderful description of the Alaskan landscape and wildlife. I could almost feel the cold crisp air in my nostrils and the painfully slow moving around the herd, as if I were there. I see the competition is on between James and Brook once more. Looking forward to the next installment.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2010
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Thanks so much for the kind review. Since it's been months since I posted the other chapters, you are so nice to give your time to this one.
Comment from MissMerri
Alaskastory!! It is wonderful to see you here again! I've missed your wonderful stories, and am delighted to read this new addition to "Whispers In The Wind" which is getting more and more suspenseful by the minute! I enjoy your stories about Alaska even more now that I've had a chance to see some of what you're describing.
Your word choices, such as, "... the town of Fairbanks comes in sight, glowing in shades of red as the sun is setting." are so evocative and beautiful. I love the visuals.
A couple of lines you might want to look at again follow:
"Snow, ice and gravel is a road through our long valley into the hills." (I wasn't sure what this meant or how it fit with the sentence right before it.)
"and a pair of beaming- (remove hyphen) eyes appear in the cold,"
Hours go by and I fight my mind from wandering. (seems like you left out "... to keep" after fight)
I bounce and sing along a little so Mom thinks I'm anxious to listen. (Listen to the music, or to her? Not as clear as it could be.)
Very few nits... and a wonderful read. SO glad you're posting again!!! Hugs, MM
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2010
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Alaskastory!! It is wonderful to see you here again! I've missed your wonderful stories, and am delighted to read this new addition to "Whispers In The Wind" which is getting more and more suspenseful by the minute! I enjoy your stories about Alaska even more now that I've had a chance to see some of what you're describing.
Your word choices, such as, "... the town of Fairbanks comes in sight, glowing in shades of red as the sun is setting." are so evocative and beautiful. I love the visuals.
A couple of lines you might want to look at again follow:
"Snow, ice and gravel is a road through our long valley into the hills." (I wasn't sure what this meant or how it fit with the sentence right before it.)
"and a pair of beaming- (remove hyphen) eyes appear in the cold,"
Hours go by and I fight my mind from wandering. (seems like you left out "... to keep" after fight)
I bounce and sing along a little so Mom thinks I'm anxious to listen. (Listen to the music, or to her? Not as clear as it could be.)
Very few nits... and a wonderful read. SO glad you're posting again!!! Hugs, MM
Comment Written 11-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2010
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Thanks for the terrific suggestions, MissM. I love the insightfullness that you read with. I agree with all your observations. You are a wonder!
Comment from gschroer
your cutting classes should be you're cutting classes. (4th paragraph). After "Aunt Maggie's barn" the punctuation should be a comma (within the quote marks). "He just brushes pass me" should be "he just brushes past me". Change Dinner is warning to Dinner is warming. Punctuate Stop then go as stop, then go,; Slowly we manage to move beyond the herd; (this punctuation in place of none). This sentence allow grey-green eyes to distract me (You left out the word "to". These are the slight mistakes I found in reading this engaging chapter. I haven't read the first part of the book, just this chapter. Maybe some clarification is needed. Probably the other characters mentioned have been introduced earlier and their relationship to Brook established. It's clear she has a crush on James and a good opinion of her skill in the sport she is about to be taking part in. Seems to be part of an interesting book. Good job!
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reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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your cutting classes should be you're cutting classes. (4th paragraph). After "Aunt Maggie's barn" the punctuation should be a comma (within the quote marks). "He just brushes pass me" should be "he just brushes past me". Change Dinner is warning to Dinner is warming. Punctuate Stop then go as stop, then go,; Slowly we manage to move beyond the herd; (this punctuation in place of none). This sentence allow grey-green eyes to distract me (You left out the word "to". These are the slight mistakes I found in reading this engaging chapter. I haven't read the first part of the book, just this chapter. Maybe some clarification is needed. Probably the other characters mentioned have been introduced earlier and their relationship to Brook established. It's clear she has a crush on James and a good opinion of her skill in the sport she is about to be taking part in. Seems to be part of an interesting book. Good job!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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You are a marvelous proof reader. I tend to miss many things and sure do appreciate your pointing me to them. Many thanks!
Comment from anabelle
LOL! Kids! What fun they are. It's hilarious how she thinks her mom won't pick up on her crush on James.
One nit: eyes (to) distract me.
Really good read. Thanks.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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LOL! Kids! What fun they are. It's hilarious how she thinks her mom won't pick up on her crush on James.
One nit: eyes (to) distract me.
Really good read. Thanks.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 11-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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Thanks for catching the nit. I appreciate your time bothering to read this, Annabelle.
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You're very welcome.
Comment from Scornwell
I thought this was well written and contained some vivid visual images. The characters came across well and the dialog flowed evenly and sounded natural.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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I thought this was well written and contained some vivid visual images. The characters came across well and the dialog flowed evenly and sounded natural.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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Thanks so much. I appreciate the time you gave this chapter.
