The Legend Of Old Punkin'
Moonshine in bottles and in the sky.21 total reviews
Comment from Carol D Parker
Suspense and excellent writing make this
a very enjoyable read. The dialogue is
great and the dialect is too. The
characterization and imagery are
excellent. I love the name, "Old Punkin."
And the moonshiner passages give it
just that extra touch. Excellent writing!
Delora
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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Suspense and excellent writing make this
a very enjoyable read. The dialogue is
great and the dialect is too. The
characterization and imagery are
excellent. I love the name, "Old Punkin."
And the moonshiner passages give it
just that extra touch. Excellent writing!
Delora
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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HI there Delora!! What a very wonderful review. SO good to hear from you! I am simply thrilled to hear from you, and your kind words are very encouraging! Thank you so very much!! Susan
Comment from Carrie Smith
Gosh Susan, this is such a good read. Kept my full attention to the final word. The paragraph beginning with " The next morning" my anticipation of what was to come next really keep me going! "Moonshine and bottles in the sky' a perfect line. Great job...hugs...Susan
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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Gosh Susan, this is such a good read. Kept my full attention to the final word. The paragraph beginning with " The next morning" my anticipation of what was to come next really keep me going! "Moonshine and bottles in the sky' a perfect line. Great job...hugs...Susan
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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HI there! Thank you Susan!! I'm happy you like this. And thank you for a wonderful review!! I really appreciate!!! Love, Susan
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
Nice storytelling, Susan. You should know by now that I only use the word "storytelling" when the piece is good! I enjoyed your narrative here: nice dialect imitation. Good luck in this contest.
Isaiah Ramesses
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Nice storytelling, Susan. You should know by now that I only use the word "storytelling" when the piece is good! I enjoyed your narrative here: nice dialect imitation. Good luck in this contest.
Isaiah Ramesses
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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HA! THank you so much! I will remember this! Sure wish I could write like you do my friend, I have no votes for this one, but as long as people like it, that is what matters! Thank you for taking time for me Isaiah! I do appreciate! Susan
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Don't worry about these people. They have sites that actually buy short stories that are good like this. This site is for learning only.
Isaiah
Comment from Readywriter52
The story creates a disturbing and gloomy atmosphere. The story has an erie ending. The story has a very tragic ending. It seems the spirits don't realize that they are dead.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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The story creates a disturbing and gloomy atmosphere. The story has an erie ending. The story has a very tragic ending. It seems the spirits don't realize that they are dead.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Hi Ready, thank you very much for this great review. I am thrilled you took time to read it! Thank you again!! Good to hear from you! Susan
Comment from Gideon Roth
Hello Susan. You did another fine job with this one. It was well written in every way. The narrative was active and flowed well. The dialogue was very well done with a natural tone and I could hear the slang and colloquialism in it so well, I felt like I was back home. Keep up the great writing and I look forward to your next submission...Tim
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Hello Susan. You did another fine job with this one. It was well written in every way. The narrative was active and flowed well. The dialogue was very well done with a natural tone and I could hear the slang and colloquialism in it so well, I felt like I was back home. Keep up the great writing and I look forward to your next submission...Tim
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Hi there Tim, thank you. I love the word "colloquialism", it in itself is a poem. Sort of? So, are you from the south? I read your profile a while back and cant' remember if you said. I appreciate and always look forward to your kind and honest reviews!! Susan
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
You can certainly tell a tale,
Susan - and so well presented,
making it a pleasure to read...
rushed as I've only just got on
line - FS wouldn't let me in until
7pm our time - yet I could get in
to other websites - just don't understand
it.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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You can certainly tell a tale,
Susan - and so well presented,
making it a pleasure to read...
rushed as I've only just got on
line - FS wouldn't let me in until
7pm our time - yet I could get in
to other websites - just don't understand
it.
Margaret.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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") I have had this happen too, twice. But not lately. Keep your security going? And boy, thank you for this wonderful review too, I loved this story, it had three parts, kinda long, but so fun. I love old antique trucks too. I am so happy you liked it Margaret. Your opinions mean the world to me. Love, Susan
Comment from anne1204
Excellent story telling, almost poetry in places. A great tale of the old south. Great descriptions and great characters. This may be your niche. Anne 1204
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Excellent story telling, almost poetry in places. A great tale of the old south. Great descriptions and great characters. This may be your niche. Anne 1204
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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OH! A six. Thank you so much! This was a fun one to do, I love the old antique trucks! I am stuck on all things of yesteryears. I am thrilled you enjoyed this tale. So nice to hear from you Anne. Smiles and best wishes!! Susan
Comment from daniela.albu
An exciting camp fire story. The local Klan is responsible not only for Satch's death, but also for that of Joe and Mikey. You revive a time of cruelty and injustice with gifted words and you set the stage for what is going to happen:
"Joe Johnson and Mikey Dove slept that night like dead men. The moon passed over the small house, unnoticed by all, except a lone owl, who softly called out both their names and flew off to hunt the banks of the nearby creek on silent, watchful wings."
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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An exciting camp fire story. The local Klan is responsible not only for Satch's death, but also for that of Joe and Mikey. You revive a time of cruelty and injustice with gifted words and you set the stage for what is going to happen:
"Joe Johnson and Mikey Dove slept that night like dead men. The moon passed over the small house, unnoticed by all, except a lone owl, who softly called out both their names and flew off to hunt the banks of the nearby creek on silent, watchful wings."
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Hi Daniela! Thank you. You noticed the "foreshadow"!! Thank you for this. I am thrilled you enjoyed it, and took the time to review for me too! HUGS, Susan
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Realist101
Prohibition was, I think, one of the most idiotic policy ideologies ever. It established the Mafia and created the networks and infrastructures which gave them the means to introduce the drug trade when the time was right.
Brilliant story, highlighted all the corruption that fed off prohibition and the poverty that drove people to break the law.
Patrick
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Hi Realist101
Prohibition was, I think, one of the most idiotic policy ideologies ever. It established the Mafia and created the networks and infrastructures which gave them the means to introduce the drug trade when the time was right.
Brilliant story, highlighted all the corruption that fed off prohibition and the poverty that drove people to break the law.
Patrick
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Hi Patrick! Thank you! Yes, this was a fascinating period in our history, I could read and write about it all day. I will check out more about how the Mafia began too. How interesting. Thank you so much, it's a thrill to have you review for me!! ") Susan
Comment from Connie P
This was a very enjoyable read. Ol Punkin' and moonshine. The dialect of your characters was believable and well done.
You might consider having another look at this line:
(... afraid to speak the words ... would be fit better, but just a suggestion of course.
Connie
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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This was a very enjoyable read. Ol Punkin' and moonshine. The dialect of your characters was believable and well done.
You might consider having another look at this line:
(... afraid to speak the words ... would be fit better, but just a suggestion of course.
Connie
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Hi Connie, thank you very much! I will change that wording. Sounds better your way. I am happy you liked this, and also that you took time to review it for me!! Thank you again. Susan
