Thieves And Liars
Flash Fiction69 total reviews
Comment from Treasuregirl
This is a great read. You lead the reader on very nicely and I suspect everyone blithely follows you. I won't divulge the end and spoil it for others, but I do like the twist in the tail. Thank you.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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This is a great read. You lead the reader on very nicely and I suspect everyone blithely follows you. I won't divulge the end and spoil it for others, but I do like the twist in the tail. Thank you.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thank you so much. I sincerely appreciate the feedback, and I'm glad you enjoyed reading this.
Jani
Comment from bohemiangeek
You caught me! First I was surprise she got knocked down, then the second whammy at the end. Your story was clever and imaginative. The dialog was realistic with the scene. I enjoyed your tale.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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You caught me! First I was surprise she got knocked down, then the second whammy at the end. Your story was clever and imaginative. The dialog was realistic with the scene. I enjoyed your tale.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thank you so much. I sincerely appreciate the feedback, and I'm glad you enjoyed reading this.
Jani
Comment from rama devi
Oh! What clever twists and turns this takes in such short time. Excellent entry. It might be the best I've read, though I have not read all of them. I like how you keep the reader in suspense as to the real motives until the end. Brilliantly achieved.
NO spags or nits, though I wonder if the contest calls for bare-bones flash? There are some sentences you might trim jsuta bit. For example-
She looked around, ignoring his question as though she hadn't heard.
This is slightly redundant, as both things convey the same message. I would suggest either-
She looked around, ignoring his question.
or
She looked around as though she hadn't heard.
Having the POV be from the man in the pic as main character works very well. Most of the entries I've read had POV's of people seeing the man, not being him.
S little trimming, and i might give a six! :)
Bravo and good luck.
Love, rd
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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Oh! What clever twists and turns this takes in such short time. Excellent entry. It might be the best I've read, though I have not read all of them. I like how you keep the reader in suspense as to the real motives until the end. Brilliantly achieved.
NO spags or nits, though I wonder if the contest calls for bare-bones flash? There are some sentences you might trim jsuta bit. For example-
She looked around, ignoring his question as though she hadn't heard.
This is slightly redundant, as both things convey the same message. I would suggest either-
She looked around, ignoring his question.
or
She looked around as though she hadn't heard.
Having the POV be from the man in the pic as main character works very well. Most of the entries I've read had POV's of people seeing the man, not being him.
S little trimming, and i might give a six! :)
Bravo and good luck.
Love, rd
Comment Written 18-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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Thank you so much! :-) I agree with you on that sentence -- great catch. I have corrected it. You made my day! Thanks, Rama Devi.
Jani
Comment from Adri7enne
Fun read, Janilou. You had me hooked from the first word. Very well written with smooth flow. I just leapt from one image to another. No spag, no awkward phraseology, and no grammar issues that I could see. Good stuff, right to the twist ending. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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Fun read, Janilou. You had me hooked from the first word. Very well written with smooth flow. I just leapt from one image to another. No spag, no awkward phraseology, and no grammar issues that I could see. Good stuff, right to the twist ending. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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Thank you so very much! I am thrilled to read your review. Thank you so much for the six stars! Glad you enjoyed the story.
Jani
Comment from Sherelynne
Oh, this was a really interesting story with a surprise ending. You really had me going. Of course, I thought that the outcome would be just the opposite.
That gives all something to t hink about when it comes to appearances.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Oh, this was a really interesting story with a surprise ending. You really had me going. Of course, I thought that the outcome would be just the opposite.
That gives all something to t hink about when it comes to appearances.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thank you so much. I sincerely appreciate the feedback, and I'm glad you enjoyed reading this.
Jani
Comment from Sandollar
I enjoyed this very much. You describe the characters well and the reader can identify with either of the characters. I definitely enjoyed the twists at the end. First thinking he's a beggar turned mugger, then mugger turned psycho-killer. Wasn't expecting him to be a cop, though. A really nice touch. Good luck with the contest.
Sandollar
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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I enjoyed this very much. You describe the characters well and the reader can identify with either of the characters. I definitely enjoyed the twists at the end. First thinking he's a beggar turned mugger, then mugger turned psycho-killer. Wasn't expecting him to be a cop, though. A really nice touch. Good luck with the contest.
Sandollar
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thank you so much. I sincerely appreciate the feedback, and I'm glad you enjoyed reading this.
Jani
Comment from rmdelta
jani,
sorry to be so long getting to this for you. Been back in hospital again. Great flash fiction you wrote, surprising ending always works well. Terrific piece of writing, my friend.
Reggie
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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jani,
sorry to be so long getting to this for you. Been back in hospital again. Great flash fiction you wrote, surprising ending always works well. Terrific piece of writing, my friend.
Reggie
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thanks, Reggi. Hope you are feeling better!
Hugs,
Jani
Comment from AlvinTEthington
Great twist at the end. I had to beg for money one night and I was appalled at the way I was treated. Thank God I have a home, but to see the revenge of the homeless in your story made me (and I have to say this as a Christian) glad. I shall pray I get over it, and just see it as fiction, but thank you for making me feel better.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Great twist at the end. I had to beg for money one night and I was appalled at the way I was treated. Thank God I have a home, but to see the revenge of the homeless in your story made me (and I have to say this as a Christian) glad. I shall pray I get over it, and just see it as fiction, but thank you for making me feel better.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Many thanks, Al. I am always thrilled to see your name appear in my reviews. Any time I can make you feel better through my writing, I am blessed indeed.
Hugs,
Jan
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And I am blessed as well.
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I just wrote a really short one about Lama the goat, and my son, Sam. :-) Wish I had the chance to be on FanStory more often!
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I do, too.
Comment from Southern Writer
Good story, with a surprise ending. I just enjoyed the writing, but I didn't notice any grammar errors. I bet you did have fun with this writing.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Good story, with a surprise ending. I just enjoyed the writing, but I didn't notice any grammar errors. I bet you did have fun with this writing.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thank you so much. I sincerely appreciate the feedback, and I'm glad you enjoyed reading this.
Jani
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
I think that you may have a winner here, Jan. The imagery was great and the characters came to life from the beginning. The dialogue and storyline flowed perfectly.
This twist has originality to it.
Loved it.
Well done.
Isaiah Ramesses
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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I think that you may have a winner here, Jan. The imagery was great and the characters came to life from the beginning. The dialogue and storyline flowed perfectly.
This twist has originality to it.
Loved it.
Well done.
Isaiah Ramesses
Comment Written 15-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Many, many thanks, and my apologies in taking so long to get back to you. I can't tell you how much it means to me to see the six star rating. I am honored.
Jani
