The Quaffel Feather
An Old-Fashioned Fairy Tale68 total reviews
Comment from RenieReader
Excellent tale of the Quaffel Feather, Jani. I'm enthralled with this story of true love and the happiness it can bring to those who believe and seek after the real treasures life has to offer. Kudos and good luck.
Hugs,
Renie
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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Excellent tale of the Quaffel Feather, Jani. I'm enthralled with this story of true love and the happiness it can bring to those who believe and seek after the real treasures life has to offer. Kudos and good luck.
Hugs,
Renie
Comment Written 10-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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Thanks for the great review. :-)
Jani
Comment from findingmyroom
I love your fairy tale! It has all the classic elements: royalty, beasts, beauty vs. kindness, the realization of true love. Beautiful! Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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I love your fairy tale! It has all the classic elements: royalty, beasts, beauty vs. kindness, the realization of true love. Beautiful! Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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Thanks for the great review. :-)
Jani
Comment from sannod
I think that this is a fantastic start to a fantasy flash fiction but it can deffinitely by pared down quite a bit. You want to make your language as solid as possible so you can fit the most story in to a small space. Your very first line is an excellent example of this. I was a little bit confused though on why the king wanted the Quaffel feather and what the conflict was between the Quaffel and kingdom. This could be expanded. Your description of the princesses was fantastic and I loved that you made Hilda cry when she thought the Quaffel was dead. I think that the last paragraph isn't needed as it starts to get preachy here. We already know these lessons from what you have shown us there is no need to tell us again. Its always best to show more than you tell. Great narrative in all. Love the story concept.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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I think that this is a fantastic start to a fantasy flash fiction but it can deffinitely by pared down quite a bit. You want to make your language as solid as possible so you can fit the most story in to a small space. Your very first line is an excellent example of this. I was a little bit confused though on why the king wanted the Quaffel feather and what the conflict was between the Quaffel and kingdom. This could be expanded. Your description of the princesses was fantastic and I loved that you made Hilda cry when she thought the Quaffel was dead. I think that the last paragraph isn't needed as it starts to get preachy here. We already know these lessons from what you have shown us there is no need to tell us again. Its always best to show more than you tell. Great narrative in all. Love the story concept.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thanks!
Jan
Comment from Naomi94
I really liked this story; I (a self-confessed impatient, picky reader) was swept up into the theme and world of this story just as quickly as I could read the first several words. I like the characters, and, did you think up the names yourself? - they match the story so well! :)thanx!
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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I really liked this story; I (a self-confessed impatient, picky reader) was swept up into the theme and world of this story just as quickly as I could read the first several words. I like the characters, and, did you think up the names yourself? - they match the story so well! :)thanx!
Comment Written 09-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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Thanks for the great review. :-)
Jani
Comment from fictionwriter
An excellent story. It's true that what is inside is what truly counts. Only those who live in the same realm understand. Very enjoyable.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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An excellent story. It's true that what is inside is what truly counts. Only those who live in the same realm understand. Very enjoyable.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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Thanks for the great review. :-)
Jani
Comment from Phil Kitom
An excellent story of adventure in search of
a quaffle to extract a feather from it and
then return it to the king. However, the
quaffle handed over the feather willingly.
Good story...
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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An excellent story of adventure in search of
a quaffle to extract a feather from it and
then return it to the king. However, the
quaffle handed over the feather willingly.
Good story...
Comment Written 08-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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Thanks for the great review. :-)
Jani
Comment from mlittleton
Very nice. But I guess I missed something. Did Hilda marry Llort or the troll, or was Llort the troll? I'm a little confused. Beyond that, I think this is unique and has a great message, a lot like Shrek. Good job. Mark Littleton
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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Very nice. But I guess I missed something. Did Hilda marry Llort or the troll, or was Llort the troll? I'm a little confused. Beyond that, I think this is unique and has a great message, a lot like Shrek. Good job. Mark Littleton
Comment Written 08-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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She married Llort, who was the troll. TROLL - LLORT (check the mirror.) :-) Thanks for the great review!
Jani
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is very good. I liked every aspect of it; your characters, your descriptions, your pacing, the dialogue.
Good luck on the contest.
for the next day. (following day)
I love this:
Which proves only this; those who love with pure hearts get to live in a fantasy world the rest of us may only dream of.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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This is very good. I liked every aspect of it; your characters, your descriptions, your pacing, the dialogue.
Good luck on the contest.
for the next day. (following day)
I love this:
Which proves only this; those who love with pure hearts get to live in a fantasy world the rest of us may only dream of.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thanks!
Jan
Comment from RebelRose
Very good. It is indeed an old fashioned fairy tale; the ones I used to read as a girl. It is a refreshing and 'clean' story.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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Very good. It is indeed an old fashioned fairy tale; the ones I used to read as a girl. It is a refreshing and 'clean' story.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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Thanks for the great review. :-)
Jani
Comment from DrCarter2001
I think you have a great story here, but it needs some tightening and rearrangement. There should be more mention of the troll early on; I totally missed the brief mention of him at the beginning so the transformation confused me.
The paragraph describing the princesses could be moved around or split up to show more. It felt abrupt moving from that non-narrative paragraph to "two weeks later" in the next paragraph.
It doesn't work as well that the first half of the story is all about Zorn and his wife, and they don't even appear at the end of the story. It might work better to have the king speak to the queen about their daughters, since she appears at the end. Then you can write the story from her point of view. You also should cut down on the # of characters, such as Dazzle. Yes, it's fantasy, and yes, fantasy is usually full of bizarre characters. But it's also flash, and if the reader has to juggle too many names it becomes confusing, especially if they only appear once. You can just call him the elf instead of naming him.
A nit: "that smells delicious" should be included at the end of the previous paragraph, to make it clear that Zorn is speaking.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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I think you have a great story here, but it needs some tightening and rearrangement. There should be more mention of the troll early on; I totally missed the brief mention of him at the beginning so the transformation confused me.
The paragraph describing the princesses could be moved around or split up to show more. It felt abrupt moving from that non-narrative paragraph to "two weeks later" in the next paragraph.
It doesn't work as well that the first half of the story is all about Zorn and his wife, and they don't even appear at the end of the story. It might work better to have the king speak to the queen about their daughters, since she appears at the end. Then you can write the story from her point of view. You also should cut down on the # of characters, such as Dazzle. Yes, it's fantasy, and yes, fantasy is usually full of bizarre characters. But it's also flash, and if the reader has to juggle too many names it becomes confusing, especially if they only appear once. You can just call him the elf instead of naming him.
A nit: "that smells delicious" should be included at the end of the previous paragraph, to make it clear that Zorn is speaking.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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Thanks for the advice. I can't cut down on characters, because the contest required these particular characters. I will certainly take a look at the rest of the suggestions.
