A Leaf on the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Breasts"Autobiography of abuse
10 total reviews
Comment from phaedra
Sister sound like miss princess, she my be beautiful on the outside but her insides reek. Did you really want a boyfriend? Did you feel fear about males? This chapter sure brings up a lot of questions. I am sure they will be answered in the next chapters.
Phaedra
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2013
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Sister sound like miss princess, she my be beautiful on the outside but her insides reek. Did you really want a boyfriend? Did you feel fear about males? This chapter sure brings up a lot of questions. I am sure they will be answered in the next chapters.
Phaedra
Comment Written 16-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2013
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I only wanted a boyfriend so I would fit in with the other girls. My sister was a pill. I had serious trust issues about men and boys.
Comment from medicnate
Another successful chapter. Looks like Valerie's low self esteem took another hit. hopefully she can grow out of it within the next few chapters.
Nice work.
~medicnate~
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2009
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Another successful chapter. Looks like Valerie's low self esteem took another hit. hopefully she can grow out of it within the next few chapters.
Nice work.
~medicnate~
Comment Written 05-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2009
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Without giving anything away...keep this chapter in mind...it plays large role in a future chapter.
Comment from Lois Delaney
1. her hair styled perfectly
2. Theresa's physical perfection made me jealous
3. Remove the quotation mark after the word around
I would definitely not have stayed around. You were in a trap with nowhere to go. How many are in your position? You need to use this story to get girls out of similar situations. I hope you do.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2009
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1. her hair styled perfectly
2. Theresa's physical perfection made me jealous
3. Remove the quotation mark after the word around
I would definitely not have stayed around. You were in a trap with nowhere to go. How many are in your position? You need to use this story to get girls out of similar situations. I hope you do.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2009
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Thanks for the suggestion. I'll look over the chapter. Yeah, preoccupation with the importance of looking like Barbie was big in my youth.
Comment from Stacey Lynne Wells
An interesting chapter. I can see how you were embarrassed. That was not nice of her to do that. I got breasts when I was 10, but didn't get a boyfriend til much later. And now, I find myself attracted to girls instead of guys. Well, this was very enjoyable. Take care.
Rachel
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2009
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An interesting chapter. I can see how you were embarrassed. That was not nice of her to do that. I got breasts when I was 10, but didn't get a boyfriend til much later. And now, I find myself attracted to girls instead of guys. Well, this was very enjoyable. Take care.
Rachel
Comment Written 21-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2009
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Thank you. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from laurelp
Ah yes, I remember those days. In the sixth grade there was a girl that had breasts larger than my mother. All the boys stared at her. She would flaunt them because what else could she do. By the time we all got into high school she had quite a reputation. I remember talking to her one day. She told me she hated getting breast so young. And now, everyone "knew" she was doing it because they looked at her breasts and figured she must be. Sadly, she decided to do exacly what everyone expected her to do. Her life didn't end up being so happy either. I hope she eventally moved away and found peace. I guess I will never know.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2009
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Ah yes, I remember those days. In the sixth grade there was a girl that had breasts larger than my mother. All the boys stared at her. She would flaunt them because what else could she do. By the time we all got into high school she had quite a reputation. I remember talking to her one day. She told me she hated getting breast so young. And now, everyone "knew" she was doing it because they looked at her breasts and figured she must be. Sadly, she decided to do exacly what everyone expected her to do. Her life didn't end up being so happy either. I hope she eventally moved away and found peace. I guess I will never know.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2009
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Thank you for the high rating. I agree. Those were the days when if you had them it could be a curse and if you didn't it was a curse.
Comment from yachtworknz
Smurphgirl-I would be tempted to start like this-
Her skin was flawless, her hair styled perfectly, and she was developing breasts. I envied Teresa's physical perfection...
I think that is stronger opening. Let me go look for more-
Oh, dang, that is so sad. What a horrible way for a kid to grow up.
If your doing a story about this you might also point out these abused girls go out in the world and have to recover from this abuse. This takes a long time and it can be difficult for them to enjoy a healthy sex life. So then the guy she is with also has to suffer a poor sex life. That is two ruined sex lives for a laugh at a kids expence.
You can use that if it helps.
Cheers
Scott
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2009
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Smurphgirl-I would be tempted to start like this-
Her skin was flawless, her hair styled perfectly, and she was developing breasts. I envied Teresa's physical perfection...
I think that is stronger opening. Let me go look for more-
Oh, dang, that is so sad. What a horrible way for a kid to grow up.
If your doing a story about this you might also point out these abused girls go out in the world and have to recover from this abuse. This takes a long time and it can be difficult for them to enjoy a healthy sex life. So then the guy she is with also has to suffer a poor sex life. That is two ruined sex lives for a laugh at a kids expence.
You can use that if it helps.
Cheers
Scott
Comment Written 19-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2009
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Thank you. Your helpful suggestion is greatly appreciated.
Comment from jodeecee
A/T/ least once a day, she would say
I didn't find anything to fix in this chapter! except for the capital T. don't think you meant for it to be there, did you? anyways, awesome!
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2009
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A/T/ least once a day, she would say
I didn't find anything to fix in this chapter! except for the capital T. don't think you meant for it to be there, did you? anyways, awesome!
Comment Written 18-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2009
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No, it shouldn't be there. Thank you for the high review. I've been working all day on the illustration for the next chapter...I really like it. Hope you do too.
Comment from Wilee
A sad and disturbing story.I feel a lot of compassion for the narrator (nameless,interesting). The family dynamics are really disturbing with both dad & sister so focused on physicality. Mom doesn't seem much better. I'd lke to see the characters fleshed out a bit to see what drives this cruelty.
Wilee
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2009
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A sad and disturbing story.I feel a lot of compassion for the narrator (nameless,interesting). The family dynamics are really disturbing with both dad & sister so focused on physicality. Mom doesn't seem much better. I'd lke to see the characters fleshed out a bit to see what drives this cruelty.
Wilee
Comment Written 18-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2009
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I agree...they will in time. Even the main character doesn't yet understand what drives them. Thanks for the comments. I appreciate what you are saying.
Comment from Seraphim Delphinium
Hi Smurphy, and another fantastic offering with a universal appeal--to all red-blooded women, that is. I believe virtually every adolescent girl is fearful of her own breast development. The voices in this are exceptionally authentic.
There are a few nits to fix.
1) In the first line of the second para, the word AT is all caps.
2) "Look, my daughter does not have any breasts". Place the period INSIDE of the quotation marks.
3) The phrase "for the rest of the day" is used twice. (5th and 7th paragraphs) This is redundant. Change one reference. I would suggest something like: "hid in the bathroom until after school ended and I was certain no one was around."
4) The sentence: "Nancy was a mean, heartless, and I hated her with a passion." Should read:
"Nancy was mean and heartless, and I hated her with a passion."
Please let me know when you have made changes as I would welcome the opportunity to re-review. Great story!
Seraph~
SECOND REVIEW:
The changes have been made and the rating adjusted to five stars.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2009
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Hi Smurphy, and another fantastic offering with a universal appeal--to all red-blooded women, that is. I believe virtually every adolescent girl is fearful of her own breast development. The voices in this are exceptionally authentic.
There are a few nits to fix.
1) In the first line of the second para, the word AT is all caps.
2) "Look, my daughter does not have any breasts". Place the period INSIDE of the quotation marks.
3) The phrase "for the rest of the day" is used twice. (5th and 7th paragraphs) This is redundant. Change one reference. I would suggest something like: "hid in the bathroom until after school ended and I was certain no one was around."
4) The sentence: "Nancy was a mean, heartless, and I hated her with a passion." Should read:
"Nancy was mean and heartless, and I hated her with a passion."
Please let me know when you have made changes as I would welcome the opportunity to re-review. Great story!
Seraph~
SECOND REVIEW:
The changes have been made and the rating adjusted to five stars.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2009
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Thanks. I appreciate your catching the "nits"...I tired and missed a lot. Sorry.
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I could see some of the changes, but the sentence you were reconstructing came out as follows:
Mortified, I ran out of the room and hid in the bathroom hid until after school ended and I was certain no one was around."
1) "hid" is used twice-omit second reference
2) remove the quotation mark after around.
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Thanks, I found it. Being dyslexic and blind in one eye are not the best qualities for a writer...do I get points for determination?
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Points for determination? YOU BETCHA! You take the prize for determination!
Comment from adewpearl
Valerie sure has the family from hell - that her father would lift her blouse up in front of other people to taunt her just gives me the creeps - I cringed at that scene. The scene with her sister's friend in the girl's room made me feel so bad for her humiliation, and her sister is as unsupportive as a sibling can get. You describe each embarrassment with great detail so that I was feeling her every emotion. Brooke
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2009
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Valerie sure has the family from hell - that her father would lift her blouse up in front of other people to taunt her just gives me the creeps - I cringed at that scene. The scene with her sister's friend in the girl's room made me feel so bad for her humiliation, and her sister is as unsupportive as a sibling can get. You describe each embarrassment with great detail so that I was feeling her every emotion. Brooke
Comment Written 18-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2009
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Thank you. I appreciate your kind words. Again, thanks.
