A Leaf on the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "A Simple Question"Autobiography of abuse
10 total reviews
Comment from medicnate
Another great chapter. We find out why mom is ignoring everything going on. She doesn't want to lose her home, flowers and all. Never mind her daughters well being.
A very good chapter.
~medicnate~
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2009
  |
Another great chapter. We find out why mom is ignoring everything going on. She doesn't want to lose her home, flowers and all. Never mind her daughters well being.
A very good chapter.
~medicnate~
Comment Written 05-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2009
-
Yup. And the hits keep on coming....
Comment from Lois Delaney
I know many women who put up with drinking husbands and sleep around. Just to have the nice home, and keep the family together. I did it for 42 years. Now, it is hard to have lost everything, but I have my own life. No more pathetic accusations of my laziness, my religious attitudes, and my stupid friends.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2009
|
I know many women who put up with drinking husbands and sleep around. Just to have the nice home, and keep the family together. I did it for 42 years. Now, it is hard to have lost everything, but I have my own life. No more pathetic accusations of my laziness, my religious attitudes, and my stupid friends.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2009
-
We all have regrets, I have my fair share too. But as long as we learn from our mistakes we have the right to forgive ourselves. I hope you have.
Comment from FredCollingwood
I think this is a sad, but common scenario. Denial. I can't imagine turning one's back on something so bad. Great job, Smurphy.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
|
I think this is a sad, but common scenario. Denial. I can't imagine turning one's back on something so bad. Great job, Smurphy.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
-
Rhank you. I appreciate your opinion and high rating. Again, thank you. Now get back to work....
Comment from Seraphim Delphinium
Another captivating chapter on an extremely sensitive subject. The dynamics are exceptionally well voiced in an authentic tone. For exposing such complicated subject matter, the author's narrative is clear and concise.
There seems to be an editorial formatting problem in the entire first paragraph evidencing different sized font types and a divided "T" where the sentence begins, "The only positive aspect of my situation,"
As for typos, the only one I spotted was a period, not a comma, is necessary at the end of the following sentence:
"I know your father drinks too much and I know he can be difficult, but you don't understand what would happen if I made him leave,"
Otherwise, this work is nearly perfect and as mentioned earlier, the writer shows extreme skill in maintaining character development and authenticity in her work.
Seraph~
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
|
Another captivating chapter on an extremely sensitive subject. The dynamics are exceptionally well voiced in an authentic tone. For exposing such complicated subject matter, the author's narrative is clear and concise.
There seems to be an editorial formatting problem in the entire first paragraph evidencing different sized font types and a divided "T" where the sentence begins, "The only positive aspect of my situation,"
As for typos, the only one I spotted was a period, not a comma, is necessary at the end of the following sentence:
"I know your father drinks too much and I know he can be difficult, but you don't understand what would happen if I made him leave,"
Otherwise, this work is nearly perfect and as mentioned earlier, the writer shows extreme skill in maintaining character development and authenticity in her work.
Seraph~
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
-
Thak you. I appreciate your comments and your valuable attention to detail. Again, thank yu.
Comment from Stacey Lynne Wells
For goodness sake! When is he gonna get caught? Sheesh! Well great chapter. I wish she would listen. She doesn't seem to want to listen. I hope he gets a butt whoopin.
Rachel
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
|
For goodness sake! When is he gonna get caught? Sheesh! Well great chapter. I wish she would listen. She doesn't seem to want to listen. I hope he gets a butt whoopin.
Rachel
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
-
Thank you for your high rating. Be patient...it works out in the end.
Comment from jodeecee
Only minor stuff to fix or consider.
This didn't flow (?) maybe; No one seemed to notice my sullen behavior or care if I was in the room. (?)
Despite my sullen behavior, no one seemed to notice, or care, that I was in the room.
The only positive aspect of my situation was/,/ Daddy avoided me like the plague.
Her casual comment that /D/daddy and I just didn't get along annoyed me.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
|
Only minor stuff to fix or consider.
This didn't flow (?) maybe; No one seemed to notice my sullen behavior or care if I was in the room. (?)
Despite my sullen behavior, no one seemed to notice, or care, that I was in the room.
The only positive aspect of my situation was/,/ Daddy avoided me like the plague.
Her casual comment that /D/daddy and I just didn't get along annoyed me.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
-
Thank you for your helpful suggestions...I realy appeciate them.
Comment from laurelp
There is little left to respond to your writing. As always, reading it enlightens me beyond belief. Compared to my mundane life, yours was beyond belief. It does amaze me that you can write about all this so calmly.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
|
There is little left to respond to your writing. As always, reading it enlightens me beyond belief. Compared to my mundane life, yours was beyond belief. It does amaze me that you can write about all this so calmly.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
-
Thak you. Calm may not be a true description of writing this....needed a few breaks and threw a few tantrum along the way.
Comment from jojosug
That sense of anger and rage is so familiar. But it is also the very thing that allows you to survive and later thrive While you're angry, you fight back. When that stops, you go under. You captured this brilliantly and drew the reader right into the story. A brilliant read.
Jo
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
|
That sense of anger and rage is so familiar. But it is also the very thing that allows you to survive and later thrive While you're angry, you fight back. When that stops, you go under. You captured this brilliantly and drew the reader right into the story. A brilliant read.
Jo
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
-
Thak you. That is precisely what I was trying to say. I am pleased you saw that.
Comment from Marjorie D.
It seems that denial plays a very powerful role in families like this. I think you portrayed it well, Smurphgirl. Nicely done!
You don't understand how hard it is to keep a family together," Mom said defensively. (The diaogue is clearly defensive. I'd suggest simple saying: ...Mom said.)
"Help me understand(,)" I replied.
(Especially when dialogue only involves two people, the speech tags can be completely eliminated. It makes for a smoother and faster-paced read. i.e. "I know your father drinks too much and I know he can be difficult, but you don't understand what would happen if I made him leave," Mom said. -- Try this and others without the use of the tags. I think you'll like the difference it creates.)
Her casual comment that (D)addy and I just didn't get along annoyed me.
Then she said(,) "I have a responsibility to the whole family, ...
"So what you are telling me is that the house, grass, and roses are more important than me(,)" I snapped back in anger.
XO
Marjorie
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
 |
It seems that denial plays a very powerful role in families like this. I think you portrayed it well, Smurphgirl. Nicely done!
You don't understand how hard it is to keep a family together," Mom said defensively. (The diaogue is clearly defensive. I'd suggest simple saying: ...Mom said.)
"Help me understand(,)" I replied.
(Especially when dialogue only involves two people, the speech tags can be completely eliminated. It makes for a smoother and faster-paced read. i.e. "I know your father drinks too much and I know he can be difficult, but you don't understand what would happen if I made him leave," Mom said. -- Try this and others without the use of the tags. I think you'll like the difference it creates.)
Her casual comment that (D)addy and I just didn't get along annoyed me.
Then she said(,) "I have a responsibility to the whole family, ...
"So what you are telling me is that the house, grass, and roses are more important than me(,)" I snapped back in anger.
XO
Marjorie
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
-
Thank you. I sincerely appreciate your suggestions. I will go back over the chapter and see what I can do. Again, thank you.
Comment from Undaunted
i liked this chapter very much and the dialogue seems natural. the daughter's frustration and the mother's clueless denial is brought out in a way that the reader can associate with, i thought i've known people just like that... the only thing is a couple of typos in the first sentence of the background. instead of "her etntire like," it should probably be "her entire life." well done...
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
|
i liked this chapter very much and the dialogue seems natural. the daughter's frustration and the mother's clueless denial is brought out in a way that the reader can associate with, i thought i've known people just like that... the only thing is a couple of typos in the first sentence of the background. instead of "her etntire like," it should probably be "her entire life." well done...
Comment Written 17-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2009
-
Thank you. I apprecite your suggestions and will go back over the chapter and double check it. Again, thanks.
