A Leaf on the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Fear"Autobiography of abuse
33 total reviews
Comment from Frank Ball
This horrific story is related to us in vivid detail, withholding nothing. We feel the pain and anguish portrayed with writing skills. I see no way that I could suggest making it any more believable.
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This horrific story is related to us in vivid detail, withholding nothing. We feel the pain and anguish portrayed with writing skills. I see no way that I could suggest making it any more believable.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2021
Comment from baustian64
This poor girl. You have written about her with great feeling. You have caught the fear she felt and let us the readers know how terrified she was. Very good job.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2018
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This poor girl. You have written about her with great feeling. You have caught the fear she felt and let us the readers know how terrified she was. Very good job.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2018
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Thank you so very much. This was a difficult chapter to write and, obviously, a difficult event to experience.
Comment from AuroraSky
Written so descriptively, perpetrators can't deny the trauma and cruelty inflicted by their actions.
I found an edit in the first paragraph (background) - 'Having no frinds/friends'.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2018
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Written so descriptively, perpetrators can't deny the trauma and cruelty inflicted by their actions.
I found an edit in the first paragraph (background) - 'Having no frinds/friends'.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2018
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Thanks for catching the spag. This is a strong chapter and a difficult one for me to write. I am so pleased I was able to convey the reality of the trauma I experienced.
Comment from Shayrenee'
This was very well written. Even though I had not read any of the previous chapters, I think I had a good sense of the beginning. The slower developing child is not in the lime light, so she is the one constantly abused. I'm curious about a couple things: 1. The animosity that the Sister(Teacher) shows towards her. Is that because she recognizes the signs of abuse in the girl and resents it? The story read like she herself was a victim of some sort of abuse underneath things. 2. Are you also trying to point out the ignorance of the mother? Or maybe her denial; like she herself was a victim due to the father always being drunk. I find it hard to believe that the father did not have any blood on him if he was so drunk he passed out face down in the bed. 3. I'm not understanding where the gash came from at her opening. It had to have come from the father's belt right? He had only unzipped his pants, indicating that he was fully dressed. 4. Back at the school, did someone knock her out with a chemical? Was that the odor she smelled? Why would they do that? Was someone also taking advantage of her at school? I am trying to understand the stomach hurting part. A part of me thought she was pregnant, but then she said that her father (up until this day) had only used his fingers with her; and clearly he was her first. So that part is confusing.
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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2018
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This was very well written. Even though I had not read any of the previous chapters, I think I had a good sense of the beginning. The slower developing child is not in the lime light, so she is the one constantly abused. I'm curious about a couple things: 1. The animosity that the Sister(Teacher) shows towards her. Is that because she recognizes the signs of abuse in the girl and resents it? The story read like she herself was a victim of some sort of abuse underneath things. 2. Are you also trying to point out the ignorance of the mother? Or maybe her denial; like she herself was a victim due to the father always being drunk. I find it hard to believe that the father did not have any blood on him if he was so drunk he passed out face down in the bed. 3. I'm not understanding where the gash came from at her opening. It had to have come from the father's belt right? He had only unzipped his pants, indicating that he was fully dressed. 4. Back at the school, did someone knock her out with a chemical? Was that the odor she smelled? Why would they do that? Was someone also taking advantage of her at school? I am trying to understand the stomach hurting part. A part of me thought she was pregnant, but then she said that her father (up until this day) had only used his fingers with her; and clearly he was her first. So that part is confusing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2018
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Without having read the entire book some of these questions are difficult to answer. The book was intentionally written from my POV as a child, not relating the story while sitting on a therapist's couch. The smells are a clinical attribute of DID or disassociative disorder. As a child I had no idea how a person got pregnant and assumed just being touched was all it took. I had no one to answer my questions and did the best an uninformed child could do to answer them myself. My mother and sisters were aware of my father's behavior but chose to ignore it. My teachers had not idea of the abuse and treated me badly because I was unlikable and a poor student. Being a child, I had no way of knowing why they disliked me other than I was't as smart as my older sister, something they drilled into me daily. Although this is only chapter 9, the previous chapters address many of these issues as do the following chapters. Being a child, this was as much a learning experience for me as it was for the reader. I wanted them to experience what I experienced. I obviously had questions but no one to ask them. I had to answer them myself...which clearly I was not qualified to do since the abuse began at such an early age.. I have no memories of a time when I was not abuse. It encompassed my entire life from my first memories until my mid teens. The physical symptoms I describe are addressed in future chapters. Most were the beginning signs of severe mental deterioration. I eventually was diagnosed with early onset DID, PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder all result to the abuse I experienced as a child. To be honest, the only way to get the answers to your questions is to read the entire book from beginning to end. I am not trying to promote it, it is available for free in my portfolio on FS.
Comment from ideal1
I like that the story gives a very descriptive and accurate vision of what happened to Valerie. Not only what happened to her physically but also what happened to her emotionally following the rape.
Because of this type of incident being such a sensitive issue, I believe some of the details of the rape could be let out and leave to the readers imagination.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2018
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I like that the story gives a very descriptive and accurate vision of what happened to Valerie. Not only what happened to her physically but also what happened to her emotionally following the rape.
Because of this type of incident being such a sensitive issue, I believe some of the details of the rape could be let out and leave to the readers imagination.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2018
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In my revised book, Celebrate the Dandelions, I left out most of the graphic details of the rape. I agree, it is a sensitive issue, but one that far too many fail to realize leaves life-long scars on the child
Comment from RoDanni
This is the first six stars I've given so far. I've been sexually abused myself, but this is still kind of shocking. Why? I know from first hand what it is to be violated, so why feel shocked? I had to to go away and think about it and come back. I felt so shocked because even though supposedly there is awareness of different kinds of abuse now and everybody is sharing that they have been abused and that has become acceptable, it has lost it's impact. People are speaking out against abuse, but they're speaking euphemistically. Thank you for your bravery. Thank you for being honest about your experience and calling a spade a spade. People need to get out of their comfort zone and know how real abuse is. Horrible that this happened, but a Great piece of work!
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2017
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This is the first six stars I've given so far. I've been sexually abused myself, but this is still kind of shocking. Why? I know from first hand what it is to be violated, so why feel shocked? I had to to go away and think about it and come back. I felt so shocked because even though supposedly there is awareness of different kinds of abuse now and everybody is sharing that they have been abused and that has become acceptable, it has lost it's impact. People are speaking out against abuse, but they're speaking euphemistically. Thank you for your bravery. Thank you for being honest about your experience and calling a spade a spade. People need to get out of their comfort zone and know how real abuse is. Horrible that this happened, but a Great piece of work!
Comment Written 21-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2017
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Thank you for the lovey 6 stars. They mean a lot to me.
Comment from booklotto
I know this story. I lived a story like this one with my grandfather. Same way every weekend. Years and years, the same way! Your great at writing. To tell this to anyone will hurt the mind and heart. Both writer and reader has to feel. That feeling can provoke each of us to a place that must be visited. Never be in shame. Never be silent. Never lie to hide the one who did this!!! Never allow it twice! I know it is not easy to say that, but if I had known what I know today, twice would not have happened. I know the story, the lie and the shame of it all. I thank you doe sharing and writing this.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2017
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I know this story. I lived a story like this one with my grandfather. Same way every weekend. Years and years, the same way! Your great at writing. To tell this to anyone will hurt the mind and heart. Both writer and reader has to feel. That feeling can provoke each of us to a place that must be visited. Never be in shame. Never be silent. Never lie to hide the one who did this!!! Never allow it twice! I know it is not easy to say that, but if I had known what I know today, twice would not have happened. I know the story, the lie and the shame of it all. I thank you doe sharing and writing this.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2017
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I am going to have to go back and read this chapter. I get more 6's on this one even though it has been a long time since I posted it. I thank you for your positive comments and 6 stars, they mean a lot to me.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Heart-wrenching and heartbreaking.Deeply emotional and candid write, I have much respect for you for writing this, its a topic often shied away from, suffers if abuse must educate others about it.Fantastic.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2016
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Heart-wrenching and heartbreaking.Deeply emotional and candid write, I have much respect for you for writing this, its a topic often shied away from, suffers if abuse must educate others about it.Fantastic.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2016
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Thank you. This chapter seems to get more hits than all the others. Thank you for you kind and generous comments, I sincerely appreciate them.
Comment from Barry1000
One wishes that this were fiction, but no one could give a description of the events and thoughts and of the feelings and fears that is so completely realistic without having lived it. The courage of victims such as this woman exhibits just by surviving and telling her story is astounding. That she has overcome her handicaps and become an accomplished writer attests to the resiliency of the human spirit. The writing is as excellent as it is spellbinding and terrifying. To think that there are men capable of such vile acts and that they would victimize their own child gives pause to that same appreciation of the human spirit mentioned above.
I probably won't make any friends with this observation, however, I strongly suspect that the author's father had a similar experience with sadistic nuns or other adults in school, or that he was badly abused as a child, and probably both. Bad religion and religion that treats ordinary sexuality or lust as "dirty", shameful, disgusting, etc. causes it to be such a taboo, that it must be suppressed from thought or acceptance, leading to this sort of perversion. Alcohol is typically the excuse, but that merely aids in the suspension of inhibition and awareness, allowing one to pretend that guilt can be shifted elsewhere.
Presumably, the recording of these stories has a therapeutic and cathartic benefit. The message is likely in another chapter that brings hope and possibly even some type of forgiveness. But after this brief chapter, anger and hate toward the perpetrator and deep sympathy for the raped child are all one can feel.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
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One wishes that this were fiction, but no one could give a description of the events and thoughts and of the feelings and fears that is so completely realistic without having lived it. The courage of victims such as this woman exhibits just by surviving and telling her story is astounding. That she has overcome her handicaps and become an accomplished writer attests to the resiliency of the human spirit. The writing is as excellent as it is spellbinding and terrifying. To think that there are men capable of such vile acts and that they would victimize their own child gives pause to that same appreciation of the human spirit mentioned above.
I probably won't make any friends with this observation, however, I strongly suspect that the author's father had a similar experience with sadistic nuns or other adults in school, or that he was badly abused as a child, and probably both. Bad religion and religion that treats ordinary sexuality or lust as "dirty", shameful, disgusting, etc. causes it to be such a taboo, that it must be suppressed from thought or acceptance, leading to this sort of perversion. Alcohol is typically the excuse, but that merely aids in the suspension of inhibition and awareness, allowing one to pretend that guilt can be shifted elsewhere.
Presumably, the recording of these stories has a therapeutic and cathartic benefit. The message is likely in another chapter that brings hope and possibly even some type of forgiveness. But after this brief chapter, anger and hate toward the perpetrator and deep sympathy for the raped child are all one can feel.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
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You are right, my father was abused severely as a child and grew up to be an abuser too. Although, statistically only 1 out of 8 abused children continue to abuse.
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Far be it from me to question the statistic you cite. I know that many children who have endured abuse are determined never to put a child through such treatment as adults. However, I have to wonder if the number of one out of eight reflects a narrow sample of parents. It has been a long time since I read anything on this topic, but I recall one study that put the number of convicts found guilty of violent crimes who had been physically or sexually abused at something like 80 or 90%. I imagine that a sizable percentage do not ever become parents or are separated from their children very early. There is no message here except to say that I don't believe that it is too much of an exaggeration to speak of a cycle that must be broken whenever possible and that you may be the exception to the rule.
I do want to tell you about an article that I discovered just today in the June issue of Psychology Today magazine while at the library. It was titled, "Rewrite Your Life" by Susan Gregory Thomas. She wrote a book, "In Spite of Everything" that apparently tells a story not unlike your own. She spoke of "Narrative Identity Theory (or was it Therapy?)" that you would probably recognize as precisely what you do with your writing.
I hope you weren't offended by my remarks about bad religion. I was brought up in an evangelical Baptist family with several preachers, ministers, evangelists, missionaries, and the like. While I know of no abuse of the type described in your chapter I read in my immediate family, I know that the Bible Belt is notorious for perversion and I have seen or read about innumerable examples of men who have relied on the power and privilege taken from Biblical references and whose repression of sexual desire has led them to abuse and rationalize that evil as "teaching an errant (in his mind) child a lesson" or to lack awareness of the horrible damage and trauma inflicted.
I intend to locate the earlier chapters when I have time, and will try to send feedback.
Comment from Betty Ames
You are brave Valarie for coming forward to expose 'your daddy'. I know a few who refuse to talk about things such as this, instead they hold on to it to build a wall of pain around themselves and that pain eventually turns to health problems.
Attempting to ignore such activities by a 'daddy' issues shame as if it were their fault and to often the victims carry the blame that wrecks a heart, and the life of a child.
That is sad, so sad.
But admitting it helps the victim to move forward, to forgive and move on with life and I pray that is what you have done.
So sorry it happened to you and you express your horror well.
Betty
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2016
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You are brave Valarie for coming forward to expose 'your daddy'. I know a few who refuse to talk about things such as this, instead they hold on to it to build a wall of pain around themselves and that pain eventually turns to health problems.
Attempting to ignore such activities by a 'daddy' issues shame as if it were their fault and to often the victims carry the blame that wrecks a heart, and the life of a child.
That is sad, so sad.
But admitting it helps the victim to move forward, to forgive and move on with life and I pray that is what you have done.
So sorry it happened to you and you express your horror well.
Betty
Comment Written 20-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2016
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Thank you very much. It was not an easy book to write and quite difficult at times, but in the end it helped me resolve the issue and I am doing quite well now.
