A Leaf on the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Umbrellas"Autobiography of abuse
13 total reviews
Comment from Jade Lawson
I enjoyed reading this chapter.
Valerie and Sandra, I had fun reading about their adventure and it recalled me the innocence of children. It was in a way fun to read but again highlights the personality of Valerie.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2013
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I enjoyed reading this chapter.
Valerie and Sandra, I had fun reading about their adventure and it recalled me the innocence of children. It was in a way fun to read but again highlights the personality of Valerie.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2013
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I want people to see me as a real child. By adding the occasional childhood memory, I hope I am able to capture their sympathy.
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It's good to include those memories.
Comment from maxic59
What a lovely story, such beautiful memories. Your writing makes you feel like you are there and watching, what a laugh.
Well done
onya mate :)
cheers max
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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What a lovely story, such beautiful memories. Your writing makes you feel like you are there and watching, what a laugh.
Well done
onya mate :)
cheers max
Comment Written 03-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Thanks. It was the good memories that got me through the tough times.
Comment from c_lucas
The creativity of a child's imagination can lead to unwarranted mischief. This is very well written with good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2009
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The creativity of a child's imagination can lead to unwarranted mischief. This is very well written with good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2009
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Glad you liked it. It was a fun and scary day.
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You're welcome, Smurphgirl. Charlie
Comment from medicnate
Nice. This is a funny and interesting chapter. It pushes the story right along and gives the reader something to smile about in an otherwise darker tale. Nice job.
~medicnate~
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2009
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Nice. This is a funny and interesting chapter. It pushes the story right along and gives the reader something to smile about in an otherwise darker tale. Nice job.
~medicnate~
Comment Written 04-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2009
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That was the point. Glad you liked it.
Comment from Lois Delaney
Yes, there has to be some fun and games, or one would go absolutely biserk. Great job with writng this piece. Well done.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2009
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Yes, there has to be some fun and games, or one would go absolutely biserk. Great job with writng this piece. Well done.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2009
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That's the problem with most abuse cases. Between the abuse there are normal days...it is these normal days that cause the child to think all is well and tomorrow will be another good day. Sadly, this is not the case. Thank you for reading this difficult story.
Comment from jodeecee
Mommy's smile at breakfast told me/ /she had gotten over being mad at me .
We slept on blankets and pillows we /cut:each/ brought from home. Only when rain began to dissolve the cardboard did we reluctantly agree to abandon it.
I stared down into the giant bin and saw a /?cut:large,/ green lampshade with a large hole in its side. Suddenly, Sandra shouted, "Look! What is that next to the container?"
*I notice you use the word 'Suddenly' a lot. Maybe check a
thesaurus for other choices.*
I looked him in the eyes, smiled//,and said, "We have to go now."
Good description of childhood dilemma.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2009
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Mommy's smile at breakfast told me/ /she had gotten over being mad at me .
We slept on blankets and pillows we /cut:each/ brought from home. Only when rain began to dissolve the cardboard did we reluctantly agree to abandon it.
I stared down into the giant bin and saw a /?cut:large,/ green lampshade with a large hole in its side. Suddenly, Sandra shouted, "Look! What is that next to the container?"
*I notice you use the word 'Suddenly' a lot. Maybe check a
thesaurus for other choices.*
I looked him in the eyes, smiled//,and said, "We have to go now."
Good description of childhood dilemma.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2009
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I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your help. I am dyslexic and cannot always see the mistakes clearly. I am not using this as an excuse but simply to explain the difficulty I often have editing my own work. Again, thank you for taking so much time to point out what I wish were more obvious to me.
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I know exactly what you mean! It's hard to see your own mistakes. and you're welcome!
Comment from laurelp
I enjoyed the humor of the umbrella story. It was fun to read. Humor, the healer of all ailments. Very well written again using the eyes of the child but the words of the adult.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2009
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I enjoyed the humor of the umbrella story. It was fun to read. Humor, the healer of all ailments. Very well written again using the eyes of the child but the words of the adult.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2009
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Thank you. Despite the daily chaos of my life there were moments of laughter and good memories to carry me through the rough times.
Comment from DecrepitOldBag
How fortunate for you that the men were not unpleasant or angry. I love this part of your story. It brings a little lighthearted twist to an otherwise sorrowful tale. Great job.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2009
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How fortunate for you that the men were not unpleasant or angry. I love this part of your story. It brings a little lighthearted twist to an otherwise sorrowful tale. Great job.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2009
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Thank you. That was my intent. Mixed in with the chaos and fear I had to live with were many intersting and happy moments. That's what helped me survivie. Again, thank you for your comments.
Comment from Stuart7
another great chapter to you
fascinating story. this one thankfully
not as sad and emotional as the last
i read. Keep writing, you have a good
book here. Regards Stuart.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2009
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another great chapter to you
fascinating story. this one thankfully
not as sad and emotional as the last
i read. Keep writing, you have a good
book here. Regards Stuart.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2009
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Thank you. Unfortunately there a many ups and downs in my book, much like a roller coaster ride.
Comment from judiblaze
I like this. It's vry sweet and what kid hasn't done something just like that. I didn't find any errors. It's flows smoothly and the dialogue is great.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2009
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I like this. It's vry sweet and what kid hasn't done something just like that. I didn't find any errors. It's flows smoothly and the dialogue is great.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2009
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Thank you. It was a fun day to write about.
