Perfume of Murder
Smelling Nice does not mean it is Nice18 total reviews
Comment from Lindsey Russell
This is such a great story. I may be incorrect, but there may be some punctuation/capitalization issues, but that does not take away from the content of the story. I want to read more! Good work! Happy writing!
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2024
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This is such a great story. I may be incorrect, but there may be some punctuation/capitalization issues, but that does not take away from the content of the story. I want to read more! Good work! Happy writing!
Comment Written 15-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2024
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Lindsey,
Thanks so much for your great review. Glad you enjoyed the read. Now the pressure is on to keep the story moving along at a good pace. Take care and have a great day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Excellent start to your book! I loved the atmosphere you built from the very beginning! The tension as Ray Striker navigates the crime scene really drew me in. Great use of internal dialogue. This is a terrific start with what I think is good pacing. Looking forward to seeing where it goes!
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2024
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Excellent start to your book! I loved the atmosphere you built from the very beginning! The tension as Ray Striker navigates the crime scene really drew me in. Great use of internal dialogue. This is a terrific start with what I think is good pacing. Looking forward to seeing where it goes!
Comment Written 13-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2024
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Michael,
Thanks so much for your kind review. So glad you enjoyed the first chapter. Let's see what happens from here. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Frank Malley
Author Barry Penfold certainly has vast familiarity with the Detective/Murder Mystery genre. And he has a sense of how to develop character through dialogue, with a very important sense of knowing how much is enough. (Occasionally in the narrative sections there may be an opportunity to say less and still communicate what's needed.) There are a few trivial comma use errors, but overall this opening chapter is ready for the publishers.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2024
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Author Barry Penfold certainly has vast familiarity with the Detective/Murder Mystery genre. And he has a sense of how to develop character through dialogue, with a very important sense of knowing how much is enough. (Occasionally in the narrative sections there may be an opportunity to say less and still communicate what's needed.) There are a few trivial comma use errors, but overall this opening chapter is ready for the publishers.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2024
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Wow, thanks for the wonderful review. Glad you liked the read. Now just have to keep it up. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Sue Smith
This an intriguing opening with a very human and likeable main character. I would definitely keep reading to find out more. I particularly liked that you used so much free indirect speech (where you say what's going on in his mind) and that you kept so completely to his point of view. My only comment is that for me it was a bit overwritten in places. A bit of advice I was given was when you have a choice of how to say something always use the simplest form possible. For example 'his eyes followed the staircase to the second floor' could just be 'there was a staircase to the second floor'. But that's a minor point. You're a great story teller and that's the really important bit.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2024
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This an intriguing opening with a very human and likeable main character. I would definitely keep reading to find out more. I particularly liked that you used so much free indirect speech (where you say what's going on in his mind) and that you kept so completely to his point of view. My only comment is that for me it was a bit overwritten in places. A bit of advice I was given was when you have a choice of how to say something always use the simplest form possible. For example 'his eyes followed the staircase to the second floor' could just be 'there was a staircase to the second floor'. But that's a minor point. You're a great story teller and that's the really important bit.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2024
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Sue, thanks so much for your review and suggestions. Glad you enjoyed the read. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from nomi338
This is an intriguing story, the first chapter has grabbed my attention in such a way that I am bound and determined to follow up by reading the next installment as soon as it becomes available.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2024
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This is an intriguing story, the first chapter has grabbed my attention in such a way that I am bound and determined to follow up by reading the next installment as soon as it becomes available.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2024
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Thanks for the great review. I will attempt to make every chapter intriguing. Hopefully, you will continue to enjoy. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, Perfume of Murder, introduces a sleuth with a lot of time in service, and two assistants. The homicide has a secret observer somewhere who knows what's going on and has apparently met the inspector before, with a scar to mark the occasion.
Great exposition and a trail to follow onward.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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This story, Perfume of Murder, introduces a sleuth with a lot of time in service, and two assistants. The homicide has a secret observer somewhere who knows what's going on and has apparently met the inspector before, with a scar to mark the occasion.
Great exposition and a trail to follow onward.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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Wow, thanks Bill. Always nice to receive a six pointer. Let's hope Striker can keep pleasing with some interesting twists and turns. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from amosajames
Good, reads like a comic book. Great descriptions and nice use of tension to draw me into the story. I like the protagonist and his vulnerabilities as well as his lack of concern for them. It's a Raymond Chandler'esqe story line with the dissimilar personalities leading the story. Love to know more.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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Good, reads like a comic book. Great descriptions and nice use of tension to draw me into the story. I like the protagonist and his vulnerabilities as well as his lack of concern for them. It's a Raymond Chandler'esqe story line with the dissimilar personalities leading the story. Love to know more.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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Thanks for the review. I hope Striker keeps delivering with some interesting twists and turns. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
You have here a plot, with odd details, that makes a reader want to continue to read. The murderer seems to have a warped sense of word play. The victim's middle name is Lavender, and she is covered in enough soil to plant lavender flowers. It amazes me that someone is able to eat hot chips (French fries?) with a dead body in the room, but I take it the dirt and flowers cover up any odd smells completely.
Can you make your font size larger in Advanced Editor? I kind of think there are some missing punctuation marks because the font is small.
For example: "Well, they are certainly worth visiting, as are the neighbours around here" Striker requested.
I would put a comma after around here just before the second set of quotation marks.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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You have here a plot, with odd details, that makes a reader want to continue to read. The murderer seems to have a warped sense of word play. The victim's middle name is Lavender, and she is covered in enough soil to plant lavender flowers. It amazes me that someone is able to eat hot chips (French fries?) with a dead body in the room, but I take it the dirt and flowers cover up any odd smells completely.
Can you make your font size larger in Advanced Editor? I kind of think there are some missing punctuation marks because the font is small.
For example: "Well, they are certainly worth visiting, as are the neighbours around here" Striker requested.
I would put a comma after around here just before the second set of quotation marks.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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Thanks for your review. I note your comments and will bump it up another size in font. Thanks for your comments about the punctuation. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You have a good story going here and a crime is a good way to begin a book. You do, however, need to follow certain rules. Whenever someone speaks or does something, the words and actions are in the same paragraph. Then there is to be a blank line between paragraphs. You have someone watching Striker as if he/she is at the scene, but they cannot be inside the television, or if they can, give reader a hint. Get it into more readable shape and you may have a chance at winning the first chapter contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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You have a good story going here and a crime is a good way to begin a book. You do, however, need to follow certain rules. Whenever someone speaks or does something, the words and actions are in the same paragraph. Then there is to be a blank line between paragraphs. You have someone watching Striker as if he/she is at the scene, but they cannot be inside the television, or if they can, give reader a hint. Get it into more readable shape and you may have a chance at winning the first chapter contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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Carol,
Thanks for your review and your comments as to improvement. I will make some edits and see what happens. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry.
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
I have no six left. but I am hooked. I want more. If you want striker to last to the end of the book, he is going to have to eat better. Good characters. I love the lavander lead. I will await the next one. Karen
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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I have no six left. but I am hooked. I want more. If you want striker to last to the end of the book, he is going to have to eat better. Good characters. I love the lavander lead. I will await the next one. Karen
Comment Written 05-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2024
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Karen,
Thanks for a wonderful review. I will make sure Striker picks up on some healthy food. Lets, see if I can make it more interesting.
Cheers
Barry
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Have him go bananas for sunflowers seeds that he spits everywhere.! haha Karen