Time is Ticking
100 words4 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is definitely apocalyptic and you've managed to layer the horror of the scene with a tone of poignancy and defeat. I like the way you leave it open-ended with just a hint that one of those few bullets might be for use against himself (or that's how I read it anyway). Nicely done! Good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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This is definitely apocalyptic and you've managed to layer the horror of the scene with a tone of poignancy and defeat. I like the way you leave it open-ended with just a hint that one of those few bullets might be for use against himself (or that's how I read it anyway). Nicely done! Good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 04-May-2024
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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Thanks for your review Debbie, and for reading this exactly how I intended.
Comment from RodG
I like how you swiftly set the scene in this final journal entry and described the ominous situation the writer is dealing with. We admire his courage and determination to stay alive. I hope you can extend this story someday and somehow come up with a happy ending. Rod
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I like how you swiftly set the scene in this final journal entry and described the ominous situation the writer is dealing with. We admire his courage and determination to stay alive. I hope you can extend this story someday and somehow come up with a happy ending. Rod
Comment Written 03-May-2024
Comment from jmdg1954
Okay...
An apocalyptic scenario that has the speaker sitting with his remaining few bullets and will not resort to cannibalism.
A good entry into the Journal Drabble contest.
Best of luck in the results,
John
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Okay...
An apocalyptic scenario that has the speaker sitting with his remaining few bullets and will not resort to cannibalism.
A good entry into the Journal Drabble contest.
Best of luck in the results,
John
Comment Written 03-May-2024
Comment from rspoet
This is an excellent story for the flash contest
about the apocalypse.
one suggestion:
Not that [I] haven't given a good fight. Their bodies... [we] might be better
with "Their bodies..] or switch the two sentences.
Otherwise, nicely done.
Good luck in the contest.
Robert
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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This is an excellent story for the flash contest
about the apocalypse.
one suggestion:
Not that [I] haven't given a good fight. Their bodies... [we] might be better
with "Their bodies..] or switch the two sentences.
Otherwise, nicely done.
Good luck in the contest.
Robert
Comment Written 03-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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Thanks for your review Robert. Could you explain your suggestion a little more. I think my Friday afternoon brain has clocked out a little early!!
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It simply switching between of singular and plural.
To my ears it reads smoother:
"[The] bodies are strewn about the place, some simply shot, others bashed with whatever was nearby. Not that [we] haven?t given a good fight."
But it's a minor suggestion. If you prefer the original, by all means, don't change it.
Good luck.