Willing Hearts
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Willing Hearts Chapter 7 A"Solve a crime and fall in love at the same time?
34 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
Another nice clean chapter. I'm enjoying this. Although there's a good deal of domestic routine, there's always an undertone of explosive action that might occur at any minute.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2024
  |
Another nice clean chapter. I'm enjoying this. Although there's a good deal of domestic routine, there's always an undertone of explosive action that might occur at any minute.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2024
-
Thank you for the understanding.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
To wake up startled by loud noises not a fun way to begin a day.
Raccoon stew would eliminate the watermelon bandits. That is what they could "do with those critters."
No wonder Sami feels like a prisoner and kicked the door in frustration. Should have kicked it right off the hinges.
Is she "Swallowing Sami" or should it be "Swallowing, Sami said?"
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
|
To wake up startled by loud noises not a fun way to begin a day.
Raccoon stew would eliminate the watermelon bandits. That is what they could "do with those critters."
No wonder Sami feels like a prisoner and kicked the door in frustration. Should have kicked it right off the hinges.
Is she "Swallowing Sami" or should it be "Swallowing, Sami said?"
Comment Written 28-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
-
It's amazing how a comma can change things. I changed that sentence yesterday, after another review and still got it wrong. Thank you for the catch. I've heard racoon is a very greasy meat, but I've never eaten it.
Comment from Dr. Nad
You are obviously a gifted writer and there are numerous things about this story that I would compliment you about if I took the time. Let me mention a couple.
1. The subject matter is challenging and difficult in this politically charged climate. You were willing to take it on with Grace and gusto.
2. Your dialogue is strong and keeps the story moving along well. Dialogue is the heart of your gifting.
3. I appreciate the cast of characters being identified and fleshed out.
4. The story is one in which your audience can easily become emotionally engaged whether or not one has intimate knowledge of such proceedings.
5. The narrative is relevant and fast paced.
There's one aspect that I found a bit challenging. I think there are several areas that need to be tightened up. Several times I had to go back and read something two or three times before I understood what you were saying and who is saying it.
I will give one example:
Sarah sat on the edge of {her bed and put her arms around her.}
In these last eight words of the sentence her was used three times referring to two different people. Upon my cursory first reading it was confusing. After the third read it was very clear to me. It could be that a rewording would make it clear to upon the first reading. Blessings
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
|
You are obviously a gifted writer and there are numerous things about this story that I would compliment you about if I took the time. Let me mention a couple.
1. The subject matter is challenging and difficult in this politically charged climate. You were willing to take it on with Grace and gusto.
2. Your dialogue is strong and keeps the story moving along well. Dialogue is the heart of your gifting.
3. I appreciate the cast of characters being identified and fleshed out.
4. The story is one in which your audience can easily become emotionally engaged whether or not one has intimate knowledge of such proceedings.
5. The narrative is relevant and fast paced.
There's one aspect that I found a bit challenging. I think there are several areas that need to be tightened up. Several times I had to go back and read something two or three times before I understood what you were saying and who is saying it.
I will give one example:
Sarah sat on the edge of {her bed and put her arms around her.}
In these last eight words of the sentence her was used three times referring to two different people. Upon my cursory first reading it was confusing. After the third read it was very clear to me. It could be that a rewording would make it clear to upon the first reading. Blessings
Comment Written 27-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
-
Thank you for the kind review and I'll check that area.
-
You are most welcome!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
The story is developing nicely. Sami and Noah are growing on me. LoL
I see some relation with Seth and Emma. It's very romantic... I really like it.
Well done, Barbara.
Love,
Marival
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
 |
The story is developing nicely. Sami and Noah are growing on me. LoL
I see some relation with Seth and Emma. It's very romantic... I really like it.
Well done, Barbara.
Love,
Marival
Comment Written 27-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
-
Thank you for the kind review. I think you will like Noah and Sami. Sami is a handful. We'll see if Noah can calm her down some. LOL
-
Yes I like them 😃
Comment from Ben Colder
I could only imagine training a dog not to bark. However they do at the police academy. Smart dog for sure. Barb, I see nothing wrong with this write but I am looking forward toward more drama. Good one, Barb. Thanks for your prayers, they work.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
|
I could only imagine training a dog not to bark. However they do at the police academy. Smart dog for sure. Barb, I see nothing wrong with this write but I am looking forward toward more drama. Good one, Barb. Thanks for your prayers, they work.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
-
I grew up with Great Dane. Duke was smarter than a lot of people I know. LOL Great dogs. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Douglas Goff
It is certainly getting interesting with the Chen character added in.
Couple of questions/suggestions:
It was almost three A.M.
(I have never seen the number spelled out before an am or pm. Always seen number form ie, 3. Not sure if spelling it is right or wrong. Just seemed odd to me. )
Also:
"No, Jasper." Sami's eyes met Noah's. "He shouldn't have done it."
(To me, the word 'that' would seem to fit better than 'it')
Just my two cents. This book is good!!!
D
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
|
It is certainly getting interesting with the Chen character added in.
Couple of questions/suggestions:
It was almost three A.M.
(I have never seen the number spelled out before an am or pm. Always seen number form ie, 3. Not sure if spelling it is right or wrong. Just seemed odd to me. )
Also:
"No, Jasper." Sami's eyes met Noah's. "He shouldn't have done it."
(To me, the word 'that' would seem to fit better than 'it')
Just my two cents. This book is good!!!
D
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
-
Yes, the time is correct. I've checked in my books, but I change it and deleted the AM the morning took that of that, but in narrative the numbers need to be written out. I had 'that' first and then changed it the last minute. I'll change it back. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Barbara,
the story moved along at a pretty good pace. The raccoons was a good idea, it added a little suspense to the situation, which would already be stressful. I do wonder how many people Homeland Security would expend on one person to keep them safe, although she may be the answer to catching Chen. Well done gal.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
|
Hello Barbara,
the story moved along at a pretty good pace. The raccoons was a good idea, it added a little suspense to the situation, which would already be stressful. I do wonder how many people Homeland Security would expend on one person to keep them safe, although she may be the answer to catching Chen. Well done gal.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
-
She introduced them to Chen. They didn't know about him until she discovered him, by accident. It would only have been Jose and Sarah, until the Noah and Bob got trapped there. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
You always end every chapter with a great hook to keep us waiting and anxious to read the next chapter. I'm still trying to get used to you writing this type of story, but you write it like you've lived it. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
|
You always end every chapter with a great hook to keep us waiting and anxious to read the next chapter. I'm still trying to get used to you writing this type of story, but you write it like you've lived it. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
-
Thank you for the encouragement. I appreciate it.
Comment from eliz100
This is another excellent chapter. You are moving the story along nicely. The very last part, when the door closes on Sami, and she kicks the door, Did the other agents not respond to her? I do not see any room fro improvement. Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
|
This is another excellent chapter. You are moving the story along nicely. The very last part, when the door closes on Sami, and she kicks the door, Did the other agents not respond to her? I do not see any room fro improvement. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
-
Not really. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from estory
You kicked it off with a bit humor in that raccoon eating the watermelon moment, taking down the tension when she hears the noises outside. But it also shows us how on edge Sami is. Then you slipped in a bit of romance when she slips on the rock while walking the dog and Noah catches her around the waist. So that's in motion. Then the crew starts putting together the plan to take care of Sami and take down Chen. So you have some suspense building over that. Overall, I think you orchestrated this pretty well, the dialogue was warm, the characters are well delineated, the personalities interact in a natural way. estory
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
|
You kicked it off with a bit humor in that raccoon eating the watermelon moment, taking down the tension when she hears the noises outside. But it also shows us how on edge Sami is. Then you slipped in a bit of romance when she slips on the rock while walking the dog and Noah catches her around the waist. So that's in motion. Then the crew starts putting together the plan to take care of Sami and take down Chen. So you have some suspense building over that. Overall, I think you orchestrated this pretty well, the dialogue was warm, the characters are well delineated, the personalities interact in a natural way. estory
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
-
Thank you for the encouragment.
