Life, Death, Up, Down
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "everybody dies"short stories
36 total reviews
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written story you have penned. I got so caught up in it I almost started crying. That was some really mean and unthoughtful kids in that class. Great descriptive words and dialogue. Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
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This is a very well written story you have penned. I got so caught up in it I almost started crying. That was some really mean and unthoughtful kids in that class. Great descriptive words and dialogue. Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 13-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
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I am honored and humbled. Tomorrow, for Valentine's Day, I am posting two very different "love" stories.
Comment from jmdg1954
Wow, Jim. I'm 69, so when I went to school, this - 1) wouldn't have been the norm, and 2) wouldn't have been tolerated. Parents would have been involved.
Well written, believable, sad in many ways and realistic as yo what probably happens daily.
Best of luck in the story.
John
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
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Wow, Jim. I'm 69, so when I went to school, this - 1) wouldn't have been the norm, and 2) wouldn't have been tolerated. Parents would have been involved.
Well written, believable, sad in many ways and realistic as yo what probably happens daily.
Best of luck in the story.
John
Comment Written 13-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
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You're right about school. We couldn't even talk out of turn. But the world changed when I graduated college in 1973. Tomorrow, for Valentine's Day, I am posting two very different "love" stories.
Comment from Julie Helms
Very well written piece. I was completely agitated by the end because your story was so believable. I would not have lasted in the classroom for five minutes as a teacher. I don't understand why kids behave that way, I don't sympathize with them, I sure as heck could never teach them.
So many stories like this end with the kids seeing the light and reforming. Hopeful.
Yours did not. Which makes it unique. Probably a lot more realistic too.
Thanks so much for sharing! Julie
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
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Very well written piece. I was completely agitated by the end because your story was so believable. I would not have lasted in the classroom for five minutes as a teacher. I don't understand why kids behave that way, I don't sympathize with them, I sure as heck could never teach them.
So many stories like this end with the kids seeing the light and reforming. Hopeful.
Yours did not. Which makes it unique. Probably a lot more realistic too.
Thanks so much for sharing! Julie
Comment Written 12-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
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I am honored and humbled. Tomorrow, for Valentine's Day, I am posting two very different "love" stories.
Comment from RJ Heritage
A very heartfelt piece. I see that it is in the category of General Fiction. It is hard to imagine that this did not actually happen, however, I believe that writing is often a combination of both.
Respectfully,
RJ
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
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A very heartfelt piece. I see that it is in the category of General Fiction. It is hard to imagine that this did not actually happen, however, I believe that writing is often a combination of both.
Respectfully,
RJ
Comment Written 12-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
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Yes, there were some real life experiences I wove into Tomorrow, for Valentine's Day, I am posting two very different "love" stories.the plot.
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Sorry. My reply got aq bit messed up. it should read "wove into the plot."
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Wow! Jim, this is quite a write and is this how students behave in class these days? I was frightened to speak up in my class in case I made a fool of myself and these students are all so confident and rude to the teacher and I don't expect any of them will learn anything. This is a very sad story and I am glad I am not a teacher as I would be in tears just like Mr Arnoley! You made this sound so very authentic Jim, I hung onto your every word here. A poignant write Jim, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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Wow! Jim, this is quite a write and is this how students behave in class these days? I was frightened to speak up in my class in case I made a fool of myself and these students are all so confident and rude to the teacher and I don't expect any of them will learn anything. This is a very sad story and I am glad I am not a teacher as I would be in tears just like Mr Arnoley! You made this sound so very authentic Jim, I hung onto your every word here. A poignant write Jim, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 12-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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Many thanks! I am from the real old school days. If you talked out of turn, that was it! Then you'd have to face your parents!
Comment from LJbutterfly
Wow! This story is phenomenal. Even though it is fictious, it is filled with elements of sad reality. The students were disciplinary nightmares and impossible to teach, which is worst than students with intellectual disabilities. They reminded me of students depicted in the movie, "To Sir With Love," with Sidney Poitier as the unsuspecting teacher of the impossible class.
It is unfortunate that a teacher would be chastised for praying with a student when the student asked for prayer, but in this current era, it is not allowed. I truly enjoyed your story and wish you the best in the contest.
Observation: Your story is written in first person. One sentence in the entire story is written in third person.
"As the two huddled in close contact, they did not see Julio, Roberto and their pack eyeing them from the distance." You could say, As the two of US huddled, I did not see Julio...eyeing US from the distance.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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Wow! This story is phenomenal. Even though it is fictious, it is filled with elements of sad reality. The students were disciplinary nightmares and impossible to teach, which is worst than students with intellectual disabilities. They reminded me of students depicted in the movie, "To Sir With Love," with Sidney Poitier as the unsuspecting teacher of the impossible class.
It is unfortunate that a teacher would be chastised for praying with a student when the student asked for prayer, but in this current era, it is not allowed. I truly enjoyed your story and wish you the best in the contest.
Observation: Your story is written in first person. One sentence in the entire story is written in third person.
"As the two huddled in close contact, they did not see Julio, Roberto and their pack eyeing them from the distance." You could say, As the two of US huddled, I did not see Julio...eyeing US from the distance.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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Thank you so much! I often start a story in third person and then go to first person. I must-have missed that, and will change it. By the way, the suicide part was inspired by a true event from my P.C.
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Thank you so much! I often start a story in third person and then go to first person. I must-have missed that, and will change it. By the way, the suicide part was inspired by a true event from my P.C.
Comment from Terry Broxson
Jim, this is a very good entry for this contest, and I want to thank you for entering. I think it could get a lot of sixes. My input for you is that I would have liked to see a little different ending.
If Mr. Arnoley could have told the class about Sabrina and somehow used it as a teaching moment that the class then related to, the ending would have had more impact. Just my opinion.
The story is well written. Terry.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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Jim, this is a very good entry for this contest, and I want to thank you for entering. I think it could get a lot of sixes. My input for you is that I would have liked to see a little different ending.
If Mr. Arnoley could have told the class about Sabrina and somehow used it as a teaching moment that the class then related to, the ending would have had more impact. Just my opinion.
The story is well written. Terry.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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Thank you. I guessd it's a habit I picked up in Grad School years ago when the prof was a noted TV writer who wrote about the human condition and did not always have neat, happy endings. I like open endings that allow the readers to think for themselves and invent an ending, if they desire.
Comment from Ulla
It's a great story and I enjoyed reading it. I wouldn't have liked to be in that teacher's shoes. I can hardly imagine how difficult it would be. You told the story so very well. All best in the contest. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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It's a great story and I enjoyed reading it. I wouldn't have liked to be in that teacher's shoes. I can hardly imagine how difficult it would be. You told the story so very well. All best in the contest. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 12-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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Thank you so much! Tomorrow I will post 2 small items and Wednesday, for my 300th Post, a love story!
Comment from John Ciarmello
Jim,
I loved this story. A snippet in time of a teacher using what he knows or thought he knew to control a classroom of delinquents.
I never took my eyes off this story.
It was full of suspense and sadness. It captured a profound message and an awareness of suicide.
Great stuff. Best, JohnC
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Jim,
I loved this story. A snippet in time of a teacher using what he knows or thought he knew to control a classroom of delinquents.
I never took my eyes off this story.
It was full of suspense and sadness. It captured a profound message and an awareness of suicide.
Great stuff. Best, JohnC
Comment Written 12-Feb-2024
Comment from Wayne Fowler
I expect it will be Mr. Arnoley who be the one not surviving the semester. But I hope not.
Nicely written. Good work. And you included a great song. Thank you.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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I expect it will be Mr. Arnoley who be the one not surviving the semester. But I hope not.
Nicely written. Good work. And you included a great song. Thank you.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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I'm very grateful, as I truly admire your work!