Comment from T B Botts

Excellent

Holy cats Jim,
what an opening chapter. It almost makes a fellow sick to think that such a thing could happen. I saw a movie not too long ago that was based on a true story about a young black man who was a stellar athlete with a bright future who was accused of raping a student. I believe it was titled Billy Blanks. He ended up spending years in jail before he was finally exonerated after the Innocence Project got involved in his case, and he managed to get the girl to admit on video that she had made up everything. Her mother encouraged her to keep on with the story because they had sued the school and stood to lose over a million dollars if the truth came out. Well done my friend. I'm going to read the rest of the story as I can, but I won't comment on each chapter; I'll wait until I get to the most recent. Thanks for sharing,
Blessings,
Tom

 Comment Written 28-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024

Well, I'm impressed, Tom, that you've gone back to the beginning to start reading the story. I appreciate that.

This part of the story is very unfortunate for David, but like many bad experiences in life, they are necessary to lead you to better things. That was the case in my career.

My last two years as a golf course superintendent were horrible for me, but it served, like nothing else could have, to drive me out of that field and into the one that became my true career for 26 years and one that I loved and found great success and reward in. I became a programmer and eventually a senior systems analyst. Nothing could have driven me more rapidly from a job I came to hate at that last golf course and into a field that was far more personally rewarding to me. They say "every cloud has a silver lining," and I can certainly attest to that.

We will watch how David handles a similar bad situation and see if he can turn it around as the novel progresses. Hopefully, we will see a lot of personal growth in him by the time the story concludes.

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi Jim,

This is a great start. I'm a pantser too so it will be interesting to see where the story takes you as it motors along.

The opening is very good here. It lets the reader into the world very quickly and establishes the setting and main character adeptly. It also gets readers wondering what's going on without being a sledgehammer or too oblique - nice.

I got completely absorbed as I read through, which, too be honest, doesn't happen very often so kudos to you on that front.

The emotions are well-wrought.

The only constructive piece I have is your descriptive line which already tells us that he is wrongly accused. this sort of undercuts some of the tension and I'd rethink that.

All the best
GMG

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024

Thanks so much GMG. That means a lot to me.

I debated the tagline and perhaps shouldn't have given it away so early; however, this part is only a sub-plot and not the major theme of the story, and the mystery of it is only in this first chapter. You'll be convinced very shortly that he is innocent, so it only spoils it here in this chapter. The blurb, when I write it, will undoubtedly make that point. I view the tagline as a brief one-line pitch for the book.

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Hmm, this is interesting. The eighties was the time of run-away child abuse allegations is America. I am a bit surprised at no union rep in the meeting. And one or two slip ups by David turned into a slew of them. That stretches things a bit. It will make it difficult for readers to cheer for a guy that dumb.

I the premise is good and the writing solid.

This line: said, â??Earl, I love Tinaâ??No, I meanâ??â??
Makes no sense.

On to the next chapter.

 Comment Written 13-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024

We'll be learning a lot more about why he said he loves Tina. Dyslexia will play a major role in this story. (Think about the title of the book.)

I was thinking you were going to pass on this story, not having heard from you for a while. No golf in this one, but there is a cat. Hope you won't find that too offensive :-)

Comment from LJbutterfly

Excellent

I don't like this story, yet I couldn't read fast enough to see where it was going, and will be right here for Chapter 2. Now, here's my story.

I attended an all-girl's high school. Whenever my class had a new male substitute, the mischievous girls would say and do things to embarrass the teacher, especially if he was young. Most unsuspecting male substitutes would give up and let the class have a free period...ALL BUT ONE. He was an older man who embarrassed the offending girls in front of the class, and reported then to the principal. That ended that.

Now, I look forward to seeing how David Phelps ends up victorious.

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 10-Jan-2024

That's a great story, Lorraine. Good for that one older teacher.

To set your mind at ease some, this will not be the main thrust of the story--only a sub-plot--and in the next few chapters, you may get a better inkling of where it will be going. It will be much more pleasant than what we're seeing so far.

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

This is a good opening chapter Jim. This is a difficult subject to write on but already I feel sorry for the teacher and totally dislike Miss Tina. Look forward to reading more.
Cheers
Valda

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024

Thank you so much, Valda. You can either let something like this ruin your life, you can fight back, or you can use it as an opportunity to do something else. We'll see how he deals with it.

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

I struggle to find time to read everyone I'd like with any regularity, but I must say that this doesn't even resemble anything that I've read from you in the past. As Sam Shepard once told me, "You have to get outside your comfort zone and do something different." And you certainly have. Great job! Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024

From a good novelist like yourself, that means a lot, Ric. This is my first non-golf novel, and it is definitely out of my comfort zone, but I will try to do it justice.

Thank you for your kind words.

reply by Ric Myworld on 09-Jan-2024

Keep doing what you're doing, Jim, it's outstanding!

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

This is a rough story to tell. I'm already upset at the false accusations against the teacher. I know that this kind of thing does happen and I'm not sure I can handle reading such a story. Good dialogue. Still hoping for a script!

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024

This part is rough, but is actually only a minor part of the story, and very soon you will see where the real thrust will be. It will be in a surprisingly different direction that I think you will enjoy, Helen. It will be a much more pleasant topic.

I actually reworked the original story I mentioned (my first posting) as a script, and I may decide to post it in a bit after I sit on it for a while.

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

This is a very good beginning to the story of a man who is shocked to be accused of assaulting a student. The girl was obviously messing around with another male, possibly older, and didn't want her mother to know they had been into a little S & M. Why not blame the teacher to get even with him for refusing her come-on? I look forward to seeing how you handle this very touchy situation.

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2024

Thanks, Carol. That's a great guess you've made. In fact, that was my original thought as well, but I've come up with a different explanation for it that may be even better. Won't find out for a while, though.

Comment from Carol Clark2

Excellent

A gripping story, Jim. I wish you had not stated at the top that David is wrongly accused. That doesn't give the reader a chance to figure out who's telling the truth. I'll be looking for the next chapter. Blessings. Carol

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2024

Thanks, Carol. I debated whether or not to say that, but I thought it would be okay because this is only a sub-plot of the story and not the main thrust of it. You'll find out in the next chapter anyway that he's a good guy wrongly accused.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

This is why capable males are staying away from traching because, in this dirty minded world a little bit of mud sticks, and these things always favour the female complainant, and even if these things are unproved, there's always the accusation that hangs over, you would have to have dine some research into this Jim. Well done, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2024

Thanks, Roy. I did some on this subject, yes, but in reality, this will be a sub-plot to the main theme which will come out in a few more chapters.

I agree, this is a terrible thing, and it's very hard to regain your reputation once it has been besmirched, even though you may be innocent. People seem to see what they want to see, and people like scandal.

reply by royowen on 08-Jan-2024

Wicked is the heart Jim.