Spectre
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Mr. D. Part 4"This is book two of a trilogy book 1 "Ghost"
12 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
You did a good job with your dialogue in this chapter. It definitely brings the scene alive.
Little fix; Mrs. D began shaking her head looking frightened.
I would put a comma after head.
Also here:
I ran by Mrs. D who was leaning her head in their car window talking to her children.
I would put a comma after Mrs. D because of the long dependent clause after that. I think I would even put another comma after window, for the same reason.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2023
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You did a good job with your dialogue in this chapter. It definitely brings the scene alive.
Little fix; Mrs. D began shaking her head looking frightened.
I would put a comma after head.
Also here:
I ran by Mrs. D who was leaning her head in their car window talking to her children.
I would put a comma after Mrs. D because of the long dependent clause after that. I think I would even put another comma after window, for the same reason.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2023
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Thank you again for your most awesome review and your really great suggestions for edit. Thank you again I appreciate you so very much! I hope you're having a relaxing evening thank you again!
Comment from Ric Myworld
Yes, running doesn't make someone a coward, it lets them stage the battle. The chance for preparation, to achieve gratification.
We would rewarded with bounce back on to the floor. (Not sure what you wanted this sentence to say.)
Mr. D gave me a smoldering look then turn(ed) to speak to his wife.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Yes, running doesn't make someone a coward, it lets them stage the battle. The chance for preparation, to achieve gratification.
We would rewarded with bounce back on to the floor. (Not sure what you wanted this sentence to say.)
Mr. D gave me a smoldering look then turn(ed) to speak to his wife.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Thank you, Rick. I made those corrections. I appreciate you pointing them out because they are gold. To me is the only things that matter when it comes to reviews. Other than of course, people liking them, but they really helped go from people liking them to absolutely loving them. Thank you for that! Thanks for your awesome review and writing And most of all that you're here along with me thank you so much!
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Lea,
I can't imagine what the knucklehead was thinking. It would appear that he was in effect kidnapping you by locking you down there. I'm glad you got at least a small piece of him. I think I would have had to have gone to the cops at this point. The man is a danger to society. Thanks for sharing gal.
Blessings,
Tom
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Hello Lea,
I can't imagine what the knucklehead was thinking. It would appear that he was in effect kidnapping you by locking you down there. I'm glad you got at least a small piece of him. I think I would have had to have gone to the cops at this point. The man is a danger to society. Thanks for sharing gal.
Blessings,
Tom
Comment Written 14-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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High Tom oh yeah. Cropping by many the police to me connected me to social services. And back to them though my fear was just too huge to go there. But I did do a little something that I hope made their family a lot more peaceful. Thank you i'm feel happy to see You hear and having read my chapter. And I'm offering your kind thoughts and you're awesome rating. I am truly blessed having you with me. I appreciate you reading. I really do sound happy. You're here and I hope that you have the greatest holiday ever and that. You have peace and happiness!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
It's honestly like a horror movie or a nightmare that keeps recurring. And it's men versus women. At least where the physical violence is concerned. Mrs D is so subservient and under his spell which, maybe, helps you to act in a much more reactive and determined way. The contrast in your story is thus very effective. When you run, nobody would ever criticise that response. You know what you're doing and would never abandon Mrs D and the children. There are some edits: in the intro: "inward cues.."; "We would (?) rewarded with bounce back on to the floor"; "Mr D gave me a smoldering look then turn(ed)..."; An excellent chapter, leaving you no choice. Take care Debbie xo
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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It's honestly like a horror movie or a nightmare that keeps recurring. And it's men versus women. At least where the physical violence is concerned. Mrs D is so subservient and under his spell which, maybe, helps you to act in a much more reactive and determined way. The contrast in your story is thus very effective. When you run, nobody would ever criticise that response. You know what you're doing and would never abandon Mrs D and the children. There are some edits: in the intro: "inward cues.."; "We would (?) rewarded with bounce back on to the floor"; "Mr D gave me a smoldering look then turn(ed)..."; An excellent chapter, leaving you no choice. Take care Debbie xo
Comment Written 13-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Hello Debbie! I hope you are well getting ready for the holiday season and that you have the best holiday ever! Thank you I've gone ahead and made those edit changes. Thank you for those that they are valuable to me as you know! Thank you so much for reading For your review and kind comments! I hope you have the most amazing day!
Comment from Jim Wile
All right, Lea! Way to go, girl! Brought tears to his eyes. Yes! He's messing with the wrong girl.
I can imagine what you must have felt like when Mrs. D. left you, and Mr. D. closed the door. Your rage helped you get out of there. I know you'll eventually get back in there to retrieve your stuff (if he doesn't destroy it in the meantime), but where will you go now?
All these unfortunate incidents are serving to build up your strength and resilience. You're becoming a formidable force. It's just such a shame you're continually put to the test. Things have to settle down eventually... don't they? - Jim
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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All right, Lea! Way to go, girl! Brought tears to his eyes. Yes! He's messing with the wrong girl.
I can imagine what you must have felt like when Mrs. D. left you, and Mr. D. closed the door. Your rage helped you get out of there. I know you'll eventually get back in there to retrieve your stuff (if he doesn't destroy it in the meantime), but where will you go now?
All these unfortunate incidents are serving to build up your strength and resilience. You're becoming a formidable force. It's just such a shame you're continually put to the test. Things have to settle down eventually... don't they? - Jim
Comment Written 13-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Well, I was young and dumb. I gravitated to the things that I was familiar with. And unfortunately that was ma'am. It took me a while to make that connection and make that change. Unfortunately, I was wholly unprepared for life and made a lot of dumb errors and with the meddling of my family, it makes it only worse. I can say that yes, I have done a lot of stupid things. Only because I simply didn't know better. And I didn't know how to make that fundamental change within me. But this is why I tell the story of my life. Because abuse doesn't stop when you leave the abuser. All those behaviors all those. Actions you did to protect yourself. Then you still do now even when it's not needed. As long as we recognize these things and I do then I can move forward. That was the big dilemma at the time was where I was gonna go for sure. We will soon find out Jim. Thank you so much for a very insightful review for your curiosity and for your interest. I thank you so much also for your fine reading to have a great day!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
At least you're safe for now. I'm sure you'll go back. I am curious what ever happened to Mrs. D? Thank you for sharing.
"Mrs. D, Has he done this (lower case 'h' on 'has')
Always locked in, not get out." She answered. (out," she)
he children to temple." She said. (temple," she)
He like to talk." She said (talk," she)
We would rewarded with bounce back on to the floor (We were rewarded)
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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At least you're safe for now. I'm sure you'll go back. I am curious what ever happened to Mrs. D? Thank you for sharing.
"Mrs. D, Has he done this (lower case 'h' on 'has')
Always locked in, not get out." She answered. (out," she)
he children to temple." She said. (temple," she)
He like to talk." She said (talk," she)
We would rewarded with bounce back on to the floor (We were rewarded)
Comment Written 13-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Hi, Barbara, I hope you are well! Thank you again for your fine edit suggestions i've gone ahead and implemented them. You're inside and your helpful edits are very awesome to me. Appreciate your review and your fine rating and as I think more of your edit suggestions. Of course, I know it is patterns and i've gone ahead and looked at other ones too. I appreciate that so very much. Thank you and for your review and your fine rating as well!
Comment from EILEEN LAW
You mentioned that he was approaching the door but not how it got opened. Perhaps that little gem needs to be added. Otherwise gripping as usual. Good luck in the writing competitions.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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You mentioned that he was approaching the door but not how it got opened. Perhaps that little gem needs to be added. Otherwise gripping as usual. Good luck in the writing competitions.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Further to my message thank you again I appreciate that!
Comment from Rachelle Allen
I would definitely want you on my team if I were in a bad situation. You are one fierce adversary!! Ferocious and fearless, plus smart and relentless. I daresay Mr. D. has met his match! You did a fantastic job with the chapter.
This spelling "queue" means "a line." You want its homonym: "cue."
This sentence:
But there's a fine line between cowardice and using your brains. But It's open to interpretation.
is a a little repetitious. How about this: But there's a fine line between cowardice and using your brains. It's all in the interpretation.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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I would definitely want you on my team if I were in a bad situation. You are one fierce adversary!! Ferocious and fearless, plus smart and relentless. I daresay Mr. D. has met his match! You did a fantastic job with the chapter.
This spelling "queue" means "a line." You want its homonym: "cue."
This sentence:
But there's a fine line between cowardice and using your brains. But It's open to interpretation.
is a a little repetitious. How about this: But there's a fine line between cowardice and using your brains. It's all in the interpretation.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Thank you again my fine friend I went ahead and made those corrections! So happy to receive your review thank you! I also appreciate your time and your effort as always I hope your day is grand!
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Always a delight. xo
Comment from Jacob1395
I could see why you would want to leave, even without Mrs D and her children, but I'm hoping they will be able to get out as well. An excellent piece, Lea.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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I could see why you would want to leave, even without Mrs D and her children, but I'm hoping they will be able to get out as well. An excellent piece, Lea.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Thank you Jacob. I appreciate you and you're reading in your great comments too. Along with your rating, I'm always happy to see you here. Hope you have the best day!
Comment from BethShelby
I hope this is one of the warmer days so you get to be back soon. You are a fighter. You go from one bad situation to another. I'm wondering you mother ever learned all you've been through or if she is just now learning by reading what you are writing. Another interesting chapter.
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reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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I hope this is one of the warmer days so you get to be back soon. You are a fighter. You go from one bad situation to another. I'm wondering you mother ever learned all you've been through or if she is just now learning by reading what you are writing. Another interesting chapter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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My mother knows probably 75% she has been a lot of The cause and complicit in much of what happened. Many times over the years I have tried to talk to her about this. It is to know avail unfortunately. It's the fall at that time. I thank you so much again beth your curiosity always delights me! I appreciate your review in your kind words and your fine rating thanks again my friend enjoy your day!