Spectre
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Doors"This is book two of a trilogy book 1 "Ghost"
12 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This was a readable post. That sense of 'what will happen next' is definitely present. I liked this sentence:
My body stopped quivering and my fingers stopped knotting themselves.
I would just insert a comma after quivering.
Little suggestions:
"If I try to bring you in Mom will loose it.
Change loose to lose.
"Tonight we're going out". She announced.
Try:
"Tonight we're going out," she announced.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2023
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This was a readable post. That sense of 'what will happen next' is definitely present. I liked this sentence:
My body stopped quivering and my fingers stopped knotting themselves.
I would just insert a comma after quivering.
Little suggestions:
"If I try to bring you in Mom will loose it.
Change loose to lose.
"Tonight we're going out". She announced.
Try:
"Tonight we're going out," she announced.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2023
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Further to my email, thank you so much for this. My friend. I appreciate you all that you have to say. I know I sound like a broken record. But that's how I feel. And I'm just gonna keep saying it LO. L.
Comment from Wendyanne
Oh dear, I don't like the sound of that, ie, "I'm going to show you a new way of keeping a roof over your head." That sounds very ominous! I will continue to keep reading your story to find out more.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2023
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Oh dear, I don't like the sound of that, ie, "I'm going to show you a new way of keeping a roof over your head." That sounds very ominous! I will continue to keep reading your story to find out more.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2023
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You're absolutely white wendy it is very ominous unfortunately I was so unprepared for the This world I made a lot of mistakes. Thank you wendy for stopping and reading it And offering your kind review and your great thoughts on the matter. I appreciate it so very much And welcome any edit suggestions that anyone has thanks again hope you have a great night!
Comment from thoughtgame2
Very well said young lady. Very well written also. You have been writing for awhile on this platform...that tells me that its a very good one to write on. And the people that responds to your writings are real everyday people. Not robots made to act that way.the Things you say can not be computer generated,at least not from where I'm sitting...the feelings from your work is to moving. Thank you for sharing and not holding back. That's what greatness is all about.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2023
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Very well said young lady. Very well written also. You have been writing for awhile on this platform...that tells me that its a very good one to write on. And the people that responds to your writings are real everyday people. Not robots made to act that way.the Things you say can not be computer generated,at least not from where I'm sitting...the feelings from your work is to moving. Thank you for sharing and not holding back. That's what greatness is all about.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2023
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Thank you for your kind words and your support and your very good insight. I appreciate all you have to say and welcome your review and happy to have you here. I hope you have a good day and you're feeling well!
Comment from Chuck Keller
Still with you, Kiddo.
The only way to make it through painful situations is to keep moving forward.
That's what you're doing by writing this story down.
Keep plodding forward.
We're with you until it's ALL out. Expose the nerve endings.
Air and light are purifying and healing.
Thanks again for allowing me to join you on this literary journey
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2023
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Still with you, Kiddo.
The only way to make it through painful situations is to keep moving forward.
That's what you're doing by writing this story down.
Keep plodding forward.
We're with you until it's ALL out. Expose the nerve endings.
Air and light are purifying and healing.
Thanks again for allowing me to join you on this literary journey
Comment Written 20-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2023
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Thank you for your review In your comments and I appreciate your empathy and insight. You're very insightful and great writer too have a good day!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I'm afraid of this 'new way of keeping a roof over your head.' I really like reading this story and am glad you're sharing it with us. This is a good write.
"Hi." I said. " ("Hi,")
"Nope, just told to come here pack and load. Sorry". He replied. (Sorry," he replied.)
"Ok, thank you." I said (you,")
"Ok, no problem thanks." (thanks,")
Didn't correct dialogue after this. I suggest you keep an eye on your dialogue)
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2023
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I'm afraid of this 'new way of keeping a roof over your head.' I really like reading this story and am glad you're sharing it with us. This is a good write.
"Hi." I said. " ("Hi,")
"Nope, just told to come here pack and load. Sorry". He replied. (Sorry," he replied.)
"Ok, thank you." I said (you,")
"Ok, no problem thanks." (thanks,")
Didn't correct dialogue after this. I suggest you keep an eye on your dialogue)
Comment Written 20-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2023
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Hi barbara thank you so Much for this I so appreciate these kinds of corrections. Because i'm definitely new at writing And definitely could use guidance you are extremely Is great writer! Any suggestions you make are like gold to me. Thank you so much for this. I appreciate having you here. I hope your day is amazing. And i'm going to go ahead and make those corrections thank you again!
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Thank you. They are just the normal ways to write dialogue. Nothing major.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
You've cast such a spell over this chapter, starting with that amazing 'Macbeth witches-style' verse which I could read over and over! That alone is worth 6* I'm so pleased that nothing untoward happened to you in the night but are you returning into the lion's den? This is fraught with danger but we know you also have your thinking cap on and have learned a lot. Descriptive detail in your story is stunningly good! Take care Debbie x
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2023
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You've cast such a spell over this chapter, starting with that amazing 'Macbeth witches-style' verse which I could read over and over! That alone is worth 6* I'm so pleased that nothing untoward happened to you in the night but are you returning into the lion's den? This is fraught with danger but we know you also have your thinking cap on and have learned a lot. Descriptive detail in your story is stunningly good! Take care Debbie x
Comment Written 20-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2023
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Thank you again my friend I really appreciate this!
Comment from Jim Wile
Lea, don't hold back. I don't think there's anything you would do that would shock me or change how I think about you. I think it would be highly unusual if you didn't have some lapses of judgment and regret some of the things you may have done.
It's hard enough to live an exemplary life if you have a loving and peaceful upbringing, but to have one like yours makes virtually anything forgivable. So don't trouble yourself about telling the complete story. We need to hear it, and it sounds like you need to tell it.
Did you ever find out what happened at that first house you stayed at?
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2023
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Lea, don't hold back. I don't think there's anything you would do that would shock me or change how I think about you. I think it would be highly unusual if you didn't have some lapses of judgment and regret some of the things you may have done.
It's hard enough to live an exemplary life if you have a loving and peaceful upbringing, but to have one like yours makes virtually anything forgivable. So don't trouble yourself about telling the complete story. We need to hear it, and it sounds like you need to tell it.
Did you ever find out what happened at that first house you stayed at?
Comment Written 20-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2023
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When I returned to that house. I saw that they were gone and that there was a moving crew in there. Packing up their stuff. Thank you for your support gym. I do plan on writing it all all of it, it's not just the part of my select spot. I think for a full picture. You have to have the full picture. It would make sense. Thank you so much for your support and for your fine review. It's always i'm happy to hear from you!
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Yikes. The foreboding. You are masterful at the way you plant fear and worry with what's lying in wait.
I love the poem at the beginning of this. Was it written specifically for this chapter? It's dark and excellent.
You've done another brilliant job here, Miss Talent. I'd say "Keep up the great work," but it seems that's what you already know what to do!! xoxox
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2023
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Yikes. The foreboding. You are masterful at the way you plant fear and worry with what's lying in wait.
I love the poem at the beginning of this. Was it written specifically for this chapter? It's dark and excellent.
You've done another brilliant job here, Miss Talent. I'd say "Keep up the great work," but it seems that's what you already know what to do!! xoxox
Comment Written 20-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2023
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Hello, my friend, thank you again. I'm happy to see you when you use us. Always, you know you are the best! The poem was written specifically for the chapter I just sort of plunked it down. I always appreciate you reading my work all the time. You're very helpful and helpful and have great offers for change. Thanks again hope your day is amazing!
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xo
Comment from BethShelby
This is new place you've not mentioned before so I know what led up to getting into this situation. This must be another time when you have run away from home and have somehow gotten mixed up with a group that drinking the night before. I'm assuming you are going to tell us how this situation came to be. I can't wait to find out. No one is judging you because no one knows what we might have done if we'd faced the same problems you faced.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2023
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This is new place you've not mentioned before so I know what led up to getting into this situation. This must be another time when you have run away from home and have somehow gotten mixed up with a group that drinking the night before. I'm assuming you are going to tell us how this situation came to be. I can't wait to find out. No one is judging you because no one knows what we might have done if we'd faced the same problems you faced.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2023
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Hi Beth! Happy to see you here again. Happy to have your review as always.
Your inquisitive nature is so refreshing to me! I went from my home to my friend's home. Unfortunately
Of course but of course immediately moved on from there. I thank you for your review as always. I appreciate your insight, your compassion and thank you for your response to Rachelle's interview. That was a beautiful right thank you!
Comment from JSD
Intriguing and a bit scary, Lea. I hope things work out all right, but then I always hope that and life then takes a dump on you! Looking forward to following you through Book 2. x
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2023
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Intriguing and a bit scary, Lea. I hope things work out all right, but then I always hope that and life then takes a dump on you! Looking forward to following you through Book 2. x
Comment Written 20-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2023
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Awesome, I'm so happy to have you along really. I appreciate you so much. Thank you!
