Comment from JT traveller

Excellent

All I can say is, "I need a golf suit!"

I am glad the protagonist is the happiest he has ever been. I have read some of your previous chapters and found this one particularly uplifting as a final chapter. What a great ending to want to pass luck on. A story with a message. Congratulations on finishing your book and I wish you all the luck in the world. Jacqueline

 Comment Written 08-Feb-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023

Thats' very kind of you, Jacqueline. Thank you very much. Jim

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Exceptional

Ultimately this has been a very good story and the characters have proved to be good people and good examples to emulate. If you want to get it published, publishing through Amazon is a good possibility. There are publishers that do sports novels, but I have never studied them. You might go to AuthorsPublish.com or Funds for Writers.com to learn more about markets and marketing. Best of luck with this.

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2023

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reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023

Thanks very much, Carol, for the great review, the stars, and the publishing suggestions. You have been a loyal follower of the story for some time now, and I always appreciate your reviews, comments, and suggestions.

I'm first going to try the traditional publishing route by attempting to find a literary agent to represent the story, but I'm also willing to self-publish it on Amazon should this effort prove to be unsuccessful.

Whether or not it's ever seen by a wider audience, I've immensely enjoyed sharing it with folks on FanStory.

reply by Carol Hillebrenner on 07-Feb-2023

You provided me very interesting reading in a subject I don't read.Thank you. Sadly, not a lot of people read my young adult sf.

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

Well Jim, all good things must come to a conclusion, even a good book. I'm not sure what to say as this writing "stuff" is new to me. I have no words of wisdom to share. All I know is that I came in mid way through the book and was cdd as putted by the story immediately. You write in a manner I like to read, if that makes any sense to you. I'm more of a supporter than someone who critiques.
Thank you for allowing me into a small part of your journey. I look forward to your next step or project.
Be well, my friend.
John

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2023

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023

John, whether you consider them "critiques" or not, your input and comments let me know how the story was coming across and what people were thinking as they read it. This was very important for me to know as it either gave me confidence in the approach I had taken during various parts, or it let me know what I had to modify to come across better. I thought your comments were inciteful, and I always looked forward to hearing from you about each chapter. The day didn't feel complete until I heard from you, and I really appreciated it.

It was very gratifying and fun to share this story on FanStory, and I enjoyed the experience so much that I will be sharing "Lucky Eddie" starting next month.

I'm glad you liked the writing style, as it's also the style of writing I like to read. Straightforward language, not too much unnecessary description of setting, and an appropriate mixture of narrative and dialog.

Thanks again, my friend, for all the kind words and for staying with it.
I look forward to sharing "Lucky Eddie" with you next month. Jim

Comment from Jay Squires

Exceptional

It's over, I guess. You brought it to a satisfying conclusion. I wonder if I'm the only one left with a bitter-sweet feeling that there was something in the relationship between E.J. and Abby that went beyond (or rather simmered deep within), their strangely enduring friendship. I still feel a passion there that was unresolved. Part of me -- perhaps a perverted part of me -- wanted to see him turn to her beside the pool and slowly, but deeply, kiss her. And I wanted her to return it. And though it would have been wrong for the book, and I DO know that, the emotional part of me wanted some expression of a friendship that was so very deep that it got tangled in the roots of passion, which are probably part of the tap-root of the types of love that our morality won't allow for. I'm making a muddle of this, I know, but I felt it needed to be said. And it is NOT meant as a criticism of your fine, well-crafted story.

Jay

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2023

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023

Hey Jay, thank you so much for this great rating, for being a loyal reader of the story, and for all your excellent input. You made me think hard about a lot of different parts of the story which I subsequently went back to modify, and I really appreciated that kind of input. You told it as you saw it, and that provided excellent feedback for me.

In regards to a romance between E.J. and Abby, you are not the only one who wanted to see that. Several really wanted that to happen and expressed disappointment (but not criticism) that it didn't come to pass. It's interesting that I never entertained that as a part of the story from the time I started thinking about it. I always pictured that it would be a platonic relationship between two people at different stages of their lives and different life experiences.

The initial concept was that only E.J. was going to be the needy one, and Abby would be confident and secure in herself from childhood on, but that didn't leave any room for character development on her part, and readers would have disliked her for being "too perfect." We need some flaws and some growth to take place to make characters interesting, so I changed it to make Abby have to grow into being a confident person who is no longer afraid of people. I also wanted E.J. to be able to help her in some respects as she was helping him to succeed. I'm not sure I did enough in that regard and may consider adding some more ways that he helped her.

I don't know if you are more a "plotter" or a "pantser" when it comes to writing, but I am more of a "pantser." These are terms I got from Stephen King (a pantser) when describing his own writing style. I did not start with an outline and a specific plot in mind, but wrote by the seat of my pants and let the characters and the story develop and find its own way as he does.

That may seem like an ironic way for someone who was a programmer and systems analyst who had to plan everything down to the smallest detail ahead of time before writing any programs, but it seems to work best for me. Sometimes that leads down the wrong road, and you have to back up and try again, but that's what second drafts are for. What you just read was my third draft, and there will be a fourth before I'm finished with it, but the changes in the fourth will not really deal with plot changes, but more with added backstory and enhancement of character details.

As I become more experienced with fiction writing, I hope it won't continue to take this many drafts to get a story right, but this is my first full-length novel, after having written a few novellas.

Just curious if you consider yourself more of a plotter or pantser or some combination of each (or something else entirely?) There is no right way to write; you have to choose the way that seems to work best for yourself. I'm just curious how you do it. Jim

reply by Jay Squires on 05-Feb-2023

I am a dyed in the wool pantser. I admire those who have total control of their characters from inception to the final chapter, but my characters would just laugh at my effort.

Jay

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

This is a perfect ending for this novelette. I really enjoyed reading. I am looking forward to you starting a new one. I know with your talent I will enjoy reading. Thank you for sharing your talent with us.

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2023

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023

I'm so glad you enjoyed the ending as well as the story as a whole, Barbara. I'll begin posting Lucky Eddie probably next month.

Once again, I thank you for all of your great input and corrections. They were very helpful. I will probably continue to use "up" and "down" after "stood" and "sat," though, because it's more natural-sounding to me, and I have read enough good authors like Michael Connelly and Nelson DeMille who also do it that way (I checked.)

reply by barbara.wilkey on 05-Feb-2023

It's fine and I will continue to say don't. My editors say they're receptive and don't want them used. I feel the more popular you are as an author you can get by with more. LOL Us newbies can't.

Comment from Pam Lonsdale

Excellent

You must love golf, Jim, as you write a great deal about it (at least what I've read).

I wish I had come in on this at the beginning instead of the end, as this seems interesting and, as always, well written.

This is a nice way to end any story - looking back and talking about things done, not done, and how luck may have played into it. The dialogue is very real, and the scene where they bump into Tony was a nice touch.

I just noticed your profile - now I get the golf thing:-)

Hope there's another book coming, so that I can get in on it from the beginning.

Pam

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2023

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023

There will be in a few weeks. The author notes for this one explain how I wrote the story Lucky Eddie as my first piece of fiction writing back in 2016. Part of it takes place simultaneously with this story (in fact, I borrowed sections of it to insert into this story), so I will leave those out. Much of it takes place after this story takes place, and we'll see many of these characters in later years.

I do love golf, but have not been able to play much for about a year since having multiple surgeries on various body parts, but I'm hoping to get back to it this spring. In the meantime, I've been writing about it instead. I don't remember whether or not you saw my recent poem, "Wile on the Green" or my story from a couple of months ago called "My Backyard Putting Green," but these helped fill the void the lack of golf has made this past year. Jim

reply by Pam Lonsdale on 05-Feb-2023

I saw Wile on the Green - it was marvelous!