Angels Unaware
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Punish the Clown"A Memoir and Love Story
8 total reviews
Comment from Alaskastory
"Punish the Clown" is a story loaded with action that projects such strong feelings that readers absorb immediately. You give it a picture of a young boy suffering. I can't help but to look forward to reading more of the story.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2023
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"Punish the Clown" is a story loaded with action that projects such strong feelings that readers absorb immediately. You give it a picture of a young boy suffering. I can't help but to look forward to reading more of the story.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2023
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Thanks again Marie.
Comment from Ben Colder
Yes, bed-wetting comes with it. You had a tough life coming up but God allows things to happen for a purpose and your life was that purpose. As entering maturity, you now look back at those days and sigh. The next step, His plans, Jesus is peace.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2023
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Yes, bed-wetting comes with it. You had a tough life coming up but God allows things to happen for a purpose and your life was that purpose. As entering maturity, you now look back at those days and sigh. The next step, His plans, Jesus is peace.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2023
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Thanks Bro. My testimony is in the story or it wouldn't be true. Jesus is the way, the truth, and Life. When you know Jesus, you are free indeed. Stay tuned...
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I intend to.
Comment from Shirley McLain
I had one of those clowns as a kid. I liked watching it go down and come back up. You did a good job with your story. I know it was rough on you. Tale care until next time. Shirley
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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I had one of those clowns as a kid. I liked watching it go down and come back up. You did a good job with your story. I know it was rough on you. Tale care until next time. Shirley
Comment Written 03-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Thanks Shirley!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I must say, this kind of writing gives me an interesting insight into what might be going on in the head of some boys in special education classes. You have a great sense of keeping the action and descriptions pertinent. Little fixes: 1967 started like most winters, dark, dull, and dreary.
I would try: 1967 started like most winters: dark, dull, and dreary.
She went to work for General Electric, a popular company in the 60's and 70's.
This is more of a personal choice, but I would say: '60s and '70s.
Between school and the evenings, us kids hardly spent time with her.
Change us kids to we kids
He once threatened to rub my nose in it like a dog.
Try: He once threatened to rub my nose in it, as if I were a dog that was not house-broken.
He was sitting with her on the couch in the living room sharing an ashtray and smoking cigarettes until they were shrouded in a cloud of smoke.
Just break this up with at least one comma, maybe like this: He was sitting with her on the couch in the living room, sharing an ashtray and smoking cigarettes, until they were shrouded in a cloud of smoke.
I pouted my way into the kitchen where I rummaged through (a drawer or the drawer) drawer and found a pair of scissors. (put a comma after kitchen)
I loved how Herb's smile evaporated and his eyes bulged.
Add a comma after evaporated
They do say in child psychology classes that divorce is harder on boys before age 15. Bed-wetting is definitely a hard subject to write about.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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I must say, this kind of writing gives me an interesting insight into what might be going on in the head of some boys in special education classes. You have a great sense of keeping the action and descriptions pertinent. Little fixes: 1967 started like most winters, dark, dull, and dreary.
I would try: 1967 started like most winters: dark, dull, and dreary.
She went to work for General Electric, a popular company in the 60's and 70's.
This is more of a personal choice, but I would say: '60s and '70s.
Between school and the evenings, us kids hardly spent time with her.
Change us kids to we kids
He once threatened to rub my nose in it like a dog.
Try: He once threatened to rub my nose in it, as if I were a dog that was not house-broken.
He was sitting with her on the couch in the living room sharing an ashtray and smoking cigarettes until they were shrouded in a cloud of smoke.
Just break this up with at least one comma, maybe like this: He was sitting with her on the couch in the living room, sharing an ashtray and smoking cigarettes, until they were shrouded in a cloud of smoke.
I pouted my way into the kitchen where I rummaged through (a drawer or the drawer) drawer and found a pair of scissors. (put a comma after kitchen)
I loved how Herb's smile evaporated and his eyes bulged.
Add a comma after evaporated
They do say in child psychology classes that divorce is harder on boys before age 15. Bed-wetting is definitely a hard subject to write about.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Thanks Crystie!
Comment from eliz100
I enjoyed reading your story. It seems biographical. You have done a good job of describing a child who has been in trauma during his life. As a psych nurse, retired, I worked with adults who have been abused. You described the acting out very well, as a result of the abuse. Most kids do not get therapy as you did.There is no room for improvement. Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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I enjoyed reading your story. It seems biographical. You have done a good job of describing a child who has been in trauma during his life. As a psych nurse, retired, I worked with adults who have been abused. You described the acting out very well, as a result of the abuse. Most kids do not get therapy as you did.There is no room for improvement. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Thanks! Appreciate this feedback.
Comment from BethShelby
It upset me when parents seem to think kids delibertly wet their bed. I think they are usder stress during the day and went they relax at night they can't control their bladder. My son had a problem with not being able to pee on demand at the childcare center. A maid stood over him trying to force him to go. He couldn't until he got on the playground and relaxed. I had to find another place and he didn't have any more problems. It is good they found someone you could talk to. I'm glad you are sharing you story. I can understand you hating the man taking up your mom's time.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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It upset me when parents seem to think kids delibertly wet their bed. I think they are usder stress during the day and went they relax at night they can't control their bladder. My son had a problem with not being able to pee on demand at the childcare center. A maid stood over him trying to force him to go. He couldn't until he got on the playground and relaxed. I had to find another place and he didn't have any more problems. It is good they found someone you could talk to. I'm glad you are sharing you story. I can understand you hating the man taking up your mom's time.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Thanks Beth!
Comment from royowen
I guess that's one thing I appreciate about the Bible, one knows one has problems because of the many references, particularly in Ecclesiastes as to the futility of existence, it's not going away, life will still be there in the morning, beautifully written my friend, it was a little like that at my home, well done my friend, blessings Roy
Typo : He had (Beaty) eyes. Beady? 2; I rummaged through (a) drawer,
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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I guess that's one thing I appreciate about the Bible, one knows one has problems because of the many references, particularly in Ecclesiastes as to the futility of existence, it's not going away, life will still be there in the morning, beautifully written my friend, it was a little like that at my home, well done my friend, blessings Roy
Typo : He had (Beaty) eyes. Beady? 2; I rummaged through (a) drawer,
Comment Written 03-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Thanks Roy!
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Most welcome
Comment from Douglas Goff
Tough story. It is good therapy to share these things. It has helped me to talk about my traumatic youth.
Couple of fine tunes:
It got to where I tried to conceal it, but even the smell would give me away.
(I would lose the word 'even'. Messes up your flow.)
Also
He had beaty eyes, a pinched nose, and a balding head.
(beady eyes)
Also
"Sort of," She stood up from her plastic chair and pulled the clown from its neglected space in the corner and set it in front of me. "Give it your best shot. You can't hurt it."
("Sort of." She stood)
Thanks for sharing this. I think your comment about PTSD in your notes is spot on.
D
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Tough story. It is good therapy to share these things. It has helped me to talk about my traumatic youth.
Couple of fine tunes:
It got to where I tried to conceal it, but even the smell would give me away.
(I would lose the word 'even'. Messes up your flow.)
Also
He had beaty eyes, a pinched nose, and a balding head.
(beady eyes)
Also
"Sort of," She stood up from her plastic chair and pulled the clown from its neglected space in the corner and set it in front of me. "Give it your best shot. You can't hurt it."
("Sort of." She stood)
Thanks for sharing this. I think your comment about PTSD in your notes is spot on.
D
Comment Written 03-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Thanks! I always welcome editing help. Appreciate it.
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One team, brother! You are a good writer.
