The Hotel Piano Player
Short story of about 800 words19 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Great use of allusion. It will draw the reader in and possibly send them scrambling to research more. Is this some kind of foreshadowing, positive or not? A poignant account. Hopefully they will someday play together and fear & racism with melt away.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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Great use of allusion. It will draw the reader in and possibly send them scrambling to research more. Is this some kind of foreshadowing, positive or not? A poignant account. Hopefully they will someday play together and fear & racism with melt away.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. Hmm, that would be an interesting development.
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Wouldn't it!!!
Comment from Ulla
Hi Crystie, this a fascinating and intriguing tale of a man and a musician who is totally alone with his music and yet he is not alone at all. Unless the girl is in his imagination.
All the best of luck. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2023
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Hi Crystie, this a fascinating and intriguing tale of a man and a musician who is totally alone with his music and yet he is not alone at all. Unless the girl is in his imagination.
All the best of luck. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 26-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2023
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Thank you for such a kind review. It sure was a challenge to write about someone completely alone. People are usually around someone at least part of the day or night.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your contest entry was interesting, CC. I enjoyed reading it.
I liked how the piano player ended up alone. Your words were
descriptive with smooth flow and great details. The Indian girl
added great intrigue.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Your contest entry was interesting, CC. I enjoyed reading it.
I liked how the piano player ended up alone. Your words were
descriptive with smooth flow and great details. The Indian girl
added great intrigue.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 25-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much for your kind review.
Comment from Ginda Simpson
Your story reads like a sweet melody. Your words are gentle, the movement is unhurried, and your descriptions make the scene feel genuine. This is a lovely vignette of a lonely scene, that is filled with a quiet magic. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Your story reads like a sweet melody. Your words are gentle, the movement is unhurried, and your descriptions make the scene feel genuine. This is a lovely vignette of a lonely scene, that is filled with a quiet magic. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from mermaids
I enjoyed reading this unique tale. Your character development is clear and I can see the Shoshone girl looking in the window at the piano player. At the end of your story, I almost feel like she turned into a chickadee, one of my favorite birds. Excellent writing and best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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I enjoyed reading this unique tale. Your character development is clear and I can see the Shoshone girl looking in the window at the piano player. At the end of your story, I almost feel like she turned into a chickadee, one of my favorite birds. Excellent writing and best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Thank you for your perceptive review.
Comment from country ranch writer
Maybe Tom will hear from the young maiden again. He can only hope.
She was drawn to him y his music playing her melody let's hope she returns,
Tuesday 1/24/2023.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Maybe Tom will hear from the young maiden again. He can only hope.
She was drawn to him y his music playing her melody let's hope she returns,
Tuesday 1/24/2023.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Yeah, I would like to hope something good could come out of a meeting of the musical minds in any century. Thank you for reading and reviewing.
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Smiles
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Smiles
Comment from Terry Broxson
I really think this is well-written. Your setting and your two interesting characters are well introduced.
I have one observation and one suggestion, and they go together.
I am not sure who is alone. My suggestion is to forget about the contest (although you are in it, and you might win) and develop this story a little more.
You got a great set-up, interesting characters, and you can go in lots of directions. I am pretty dang sure a lot of your current readers, and some new ones would be intrigued if you do. I know I would. I would like to read more. Terry.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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I really think this is well-written. Your setting and your two interesting characters are well introduced.
I have one observation and one suggestion, and they go together.
I am not sure who is alone. My suggestion is to forget about the contest (although you are in it, and you might win) and develop this story a little more.
You got a great set-up, interesting characters, and you can go in lots of directions. I am pretty dang sure a lot of your current readers, and some new ones would be intrigued if you do. I know I would. I would like to read more. Terry.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Thank you for your kind review. I guess I wanted to suggest that the main title character stays alone because it is the nineteenth century, and the Shoshone and white people rarely mixed to much of an extent.
Comment from LJbutterfly
I enjoy imaginative and engrossing stories like this that captivate the reader from beginning to end. You provided detailed descriptions that were clear, realistic, and easy to envision. The story had a satisfying ending and the font size was good. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2023
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I enjoy imaginative and engrossing stories like this that captivate the reader from beginning to end. You provided detailed descriptions that were clear, realistic, and easy to envision. The story had a satisfying ending and the font size was good. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2023
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Thank you for such a compliment-filled review.
Comment from royowen
There's a lot of inherited Melodie's and traditional ballads with unknown composters that have filtered down through the ages my friend, I love this story, it has that lovely touch of the whimsical to it. Great story Crystie, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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There's a lot of inherited Melodie's and traditional ballads with unknown composters that have filtered down through the ages my friend, I love this story, it has that lovely touch of the whimsical to it. Great story Crystie, blessings Roy
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review. I was fascinated to find out there are all kinds of black composers and singers who never wrote a single measure of rap or sang a rap song.
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Yes, I wrote many skngs, and perhaps they?ll reappear in the years to come.
Comment from leather
Your entry includes a lot of historical detail, which helps to establish the mood.
However, only one line gave me pause, which is found in the fifth paragraph-- containing the word "perhaps." The use of this ambiguous word seems out of place. It might be that the story would be stronger if that word (perhaps) were eliminated.
Still, this should be a good contender for the contest.
I wish you the best.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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Your entry includes a lot of historical detail, which helps to establish the mood.
However, only one line gave me pause, which is found in the fifth paragraph-- containing the word "perhaps." The use of this ambiguous word seems out of place. It might be that the story would be stronger if that word (perhaps) were eliminated.
Still, this should be a good contender for the contest.
I wish you the best.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much for your conscientious review. I will take a look at that again.
