Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

Well told, Jim. One would think you'd gone through it yourself, though I remember you saying you'd never had the problem. Since I am the same, I can only guess what the withdrawals are like, but I imagine you were spot on. I want to congratulated E.J. and try to keep his courage up -- that's how effectively you wrote this scene. I only noticed one thing out of order:

"I don't know how much more of this I can take." [Jim, if you are going to lapse into the present tense here, italicize it as his thoughts. Otherwise, it should stay in the past tense.]

Great chapter, pal!

Jay

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023

Thanks, Jay. That was a good catch. I just put it in past tense.

I got one critique today from a social worker who told me my portrayal of alcohol withdrawal was not complete enough, but she didn't elaborate. This will continue for a couple more chapters which I told her, and I asked her if she could relate her experience observing it if she still felt that way when it's done. Hopefully, she will do that.

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Interesting, but having E.J. mouth off during bridge again. I don't know. Would he know that was going to happen? I was a bit surprised he was surprised about the withdrawal symptoms. He isn't dumb, and he clearly had access to a library. Still, wondering why he hasn't seen anyone (I mean any doctor or group)?

Abby is also, a bit too nice.

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023

You could be right about his not being aware of the withdrawal symptoms. I've never been an alcoholic, and my portrayal of it is strictly through research. He did say that he suspected it might be that, but perhaps he should have known better. This will be discussed further a couple chapters from now.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Poor EJ, I know what it's like to be short of a smoke, but although I was a mental alcoholic, I didn't have the withdrawal symptoms, but I think God helped with that. But withdrawal of the alcohol dependence can be as bad as drug dependence, Abby may not want to play with EJ again. Beautifully written, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023

Thank you, Roy. I'm glad you did not suffer E.J.'s fate and what's about to happen to him.

reply by royowen on 16-Jan-2023

Yep, I?m sure you?ve got it in hand

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I'm proud of E.J. for not drinking. I'm curious how long he can keep it up. I can't wait to read more.

6:40 PM came around, and I met Abby down in front on the street. (you can omit 'down'. I have read somewhere you shouldn't start a sentence with a time written out, so it should probably be six-forty P.M.)

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023

Thanks, Barbara. He's not out of the woods yet and will soon find out he can't do it alone.

Comment from JT traveller

Good

Good narrative, interesting read but I feel, for me, it does not delve deep enough into the effects of alcohol withdrawal. In my profession I see this a lot. I appreciated your vivid descriptions of the characters.

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023

We're not quite done with it yet, but if you feel the same after tomorrow's chapter, please let me know how I can make it more realistic. Not really knowing any hardcore alcoholics, I had to base this on research. If you've seen a lot of it, I would appreciate learning from your experience with it.

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

I found this to be a well written chapter of a person detoxing his body of alcohol and its affects to their mind and feelings.

E.J. felt the pressure but did not succumb to it and fall backwards.

I think if you would have included something on the apology card to Ruth(?), you may have gotten a little more bang for your buck with his attitude change.

Good chapter. John

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023

Great suggestion, John! Thanks.