Comment from lancellot

Excellent

I cry foul. Disney strikes back. That last chapter was really good writing, even if it all turned out to be a dream. Not sure about doing that. I think the real thing and him hitting rock bottom. Then, trying to change would've been more believable than a single dream.

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023

Well, you've got me thinking hard about using the dream as a literary mechanism. You're not the first who has cried foul. This is exactly why I'm posting this novel here--to get that kind of input, and I thank you for that. Whether or not I'm going to change it, I'm not sure yet, though because I like it.

I used to watch the show "Dallas" years ago, and one entire season of it was a dream. That I thought was hokey, mainly due to the length of it. So I will definitely give it some more thought.

Remember, though, that this story has a little bit of fancy or magic to it, seemingly, with that ball, and I'm not afraid to stretch the bounds of credulity a tad.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

I know that some dreams seem realistic, but to my general surprise, they were so unrealistic, the only time I cam remember as though my life was chaotic was when I had the encounter with God, my life seemed to be out of my control, then was given back when I had a reasonable handle on it again, well done Jim, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023

Was it in a dream you had your encounter with God? If so, it sounds like the realism of that dream was what really got you to pay attention and think about the direction of your life. That was my intent here too.

Some think it is a cop-out to use a dream as a literary mechanism, but I think dreams are a very natural thing and can be your mind's way of telling yourself that things are not as they should be, and you need to do something about it.

reply by royowen on 15-Jan-2023

The trouble with dreams, or nightmares, they are a relief when one wakes up, and the reality, they aren?t that detailed Jim.

reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023

That's true that you are often relieved when you wake up from them. I have several recurrent dreams that are not particularly pleasant, and I love waking up from those. They seem very real, and I can often remember many details about them. I just wish I knew what they were trying to tell me.

I've had a recurring golf dream in which I never can get comfortable when setting up to hit the ball. I'm always near a wall or some bushes or some obstruction that doesn't allow me to take a full swing, and I have to keep moving my tee to another spot on the teebox that will allow me an unobstructed swing. I've had this dream so many times.

Perhaps it was telling me to quit golfing (because it's becoming very difficult and painful to me as I age) and to instead take up something else--like writing.

reply by royowen on 15-Jan-2023

I?m not really a dreamer, but more a day dreamer, I played competitive sport till 41, then to my surprise, lost interest, I have never regretted retirement, I did play some team table tennis into my fifties, (but I was blackmailed) I was still good, my competitive nature keeps me away, writing?s more competing against myself, heh heh.

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

Just my opinion here, but using a dream just seems like a simple way out. You have your story in mind, not me, so maybe this will work. I am noooo professional by any means.

I once used a dream to start a story and got my a.. handed to me by a few reviewers.

Again, just my view.
John

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023

I can see why you would think it's a simple way out, especially if you were panned for using that mechanism in a story, but here's my thinking on it: E.J. needed something that would force him into taking a hard look at himself, and to be meaningful and give him a better chance of success, it had to come from him. For example, if Abby had pointed it out to him, I don't think it would have been as meaningful as his discovering it for himself. In fact, she did point it out to him after the bridge game when he insulted Ruth. He was sorry, but what did he do? Did he go home and have some great revelation? No, he went home and got drunk and tried to forget about it, which was his standard way of coping. He needed something that would really shake him up and force him to take a hard look at himself without completely destroying him in the process--hence a very vivid dream.

reply by jmdg1954 on 15-Jan-2023

I figured you had a good reason and it?ll work just fine.

John

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I am glad E.J. didn't lose all the money and is going to attempt to stop drinking. I wish he'd tell someone and get some help.

The next morning, I woke up around 9:00 (The following morning)

I took it over and sat down in my chair to think. (you can omit down)

(I also noticed a few 'that' which you could omit.)

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023

Very good point, Barbara. He's not going about it in an ideal way.

Comment from Brenda Henderson

Excellent

This is both a compelling an engaging narrative with many moving parts which you blended well into a cohesive story. The fact that this reader doesn't know very much about either game discussed did not prove an impediment to the enjoyment of the story. This I also found an endearing feature of this prose. Well crafted.

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023

Thank you for these kind words, Brenda. I'm so glad to hear it has appeal to non-golfers and non-bridge players.