Some Call It Luck
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "Some Call It Luck - Chapter 32"A unique friendship affects the course of 2 lives.
5 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
I like where you're taking this, Jim. You are showing both characters to be intelligent, witty, and with just a hint of vulnerability, beyond Abby's klutziness.
"Why do you love a mean cat?" [Why does he assume it's a cat?]
We talked some more about Eddie. [Some MORE about Eddie? I saw no indication they had talked about him previously.]
And even though I went around behind some bushes to change, he found an excuse to come back there and check me out." [That's kinda creepy! I'd be surprised that she'd have anything good to say about him. You could avoid that if you want to redeem him by having him shouting to her, "Do you want any help back there?" That would remove the taint that checking her out left.]
We made arrangements then to pick up the food and drinks at the deli downtown before going to the park. [I read this a couple of times, and I don't think it serves anything. Perhaps in the chapter when they actually go to the park.
This was a fun read. It was entertaining, and you left the reader with a feeling that there's more in the characters left to explore (I hope it's something not entirely wholesome.)
Jay
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2023
I like where you're taking this, Jim. You are showing both characters to be intelligent, witty, and with just a hint of vulnerability, beyond Abby's klutziness.
"Why do you love a mean cat?" [Why does he assume it's a cat?]
We talked some more about Eddie. [Some MORE about Eddie? I saw no indication they had talked about him previously.]
And even though I went around behind some bushes to change, he found an excuse to come back there and check me out." [That's kinda creepy! I'd be surprised that she'd have anything good to say about him. You could avoid that if you want to redeem him by having him shouting to her, "Do you want any help back there?" That would remove the taint that checking her out left.]
We made arrangements then to pick up the food and drinks at the deli downtown before going to the park. [I read this a couple of times, and I don't think it serves anything. Perhaps in the chapter when they actually go to the park.
This was a fun read. It was entertaining, and you left the reader with a feeling that there's more in the characters left to explore (I hope it's something not entirely wholesome.)
Jay
Comment Written 03-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2023
-
Thank you for the good review, Jay, and I really appreciate your input. I agree that Eddie was being creepy and took your suggestion about his calling back to her instead. Much less creepy. I don't usually change what I've posted, only the draft I'm posting from, so you won't see any revisions if you were to look again.
Again, thanks so much for taking the time that you do to help me with this. Jim
Comment from prettybluebirds
You are doing a marvelous job with this story. I read some of the previous chapters and thought I would continue reading to find out where you were going with this. Nice writing.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
You are doing a marvelous job with this story. I read some of the previous chapters and thought I would continue reading to find out where you were going with this. Nice writing.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
-
Thank you so much! I hope I've got you hooked now.
Comment from royowen
It sounds like the ideal date. Most of my early dates were double, I was late wining a car. But there were lots of girls when I was young, but there dads were far more watchful back then, very few liberal parents, beautifully written Jim, an excellent post, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
It sounds like the ideal date. Most of my early dates were double, I was late wining a car. But there were lots of girls when I was young, but there dads were far more watchful back then, very few liberal parents, beautifully written Jim, an excellent post, blessings Roy
Comment Written 03-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
-
Thanks so much, Roy. You're right about the dads. Abby's folks have nothing to worry about with Kenny, though.
-
Well done
Comment from jmdg1954
Good chapter with Lester playing a big role... who wound'a thunk it.
Romance I anticipate to be in full swing next chapter.
Just one note and it's me not you... I'm a foodie so when a restaurant or deli are mentioned, I like to have something said about the food they ordered or ate. Like at Maudie's (I don't know the style) I would've included something that they enjoyed a plate of mussels marinara, pizza and a pitcher of cold beer.
Again, that's me...
Keep it going! Cheers. John
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
Good chapter with Lester playing a big role... who wound'a thunk it.
Romance I anticipate to be in full swing next chapter.
Just one note and it's me not you... I'm a foodie so when a restaurant or deli are mentioned, I like to have something said about the food they ordered or ate. Like at Maudie's (I don't know the style) I would've included something that they enjoyed a plate of mussels marinara, pizza and a pitcher of cold beer.
Again, that's me...
Keep it going! Cheers. John
Comment Written 03-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
-
You sound like a cat lover like me. Lester will have an even bigger role coming soon. Thanks for the suggestion about the food, John.
-
No. Never had a cat. I always had dogs. Currently have three. It?s more like they have me.
-
I know what you mean. We always say that this is our cat's house. We just live here with him.
Comment from Kayte Ray
This is a story. Your characters are complete and relatable. You have a good arc to the events you set out and the character interaction is very comfortable and easy to read. Nice Job
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
This is a story. Your characters are complete and relatable. You have a good arc to the events you set out and the character interaction is very comfortable and easy to read. Nice Job
Comment Written 03-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
-
Thank you so much, Kayte.