Some Call It Luck
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Some Call It Luck - Chapter 30"A unique friendship affects the course of 2 lives.
5 total reviews
Comment from jmdg1954
Good chapter. Telling, executing and leaving the reader to wonder what's to happen. Also, it can go either way between Abby and Kenny.
EJ is a good friend.
Cheers. John
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2023
Good chapter. Telling, executing and leaving the reader to wonder what's to happen. Also, it can go either way between Abby and Kenny.
EJ is a good friend.
Cheers. John
Comment Written 01-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2023
-
Thanks very much John. We'll see which way it goes in the next chapter.
Comment from royowen
EJ is such a good guy, and possibly looks upon Abby as a little sister who needs some sort of guidance when she has a crush, of course we guys know that is most endearing in a young girl, it's 'the signal'. I wonder if you've got the plot worked out, or you're flying by the seat of your pants? Well done Jim, great episode, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2023
EJ is such a good guy, and possibly looks upon Abby as a little sister who needs some sort of guidance when she has a crush, of course we guys know that is most endearing in a young girl, it's 'the signal'. I wonder if you've got the plot worked out, or you're flying by the seat of your pants? Well done Jim, great episode, blessings Roy
Comment Written 01-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2023
-
Thanks, Roy. This is actually the third draft of the novel, but I am still making edits to it. I appreciate all the feedback I get for that reason.
-
I like the story, I look forward to your posts Jim,
Comment from Sarah Das Gupta
I found this chapter really good and compelling reading! I think your use of conversation was well written and entirely credible. Abby is very believable here- she is fallible! But I still hope you're going to think about EJ!!
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2023
I found this chapter really good and compelling reading! I think your use of conversation was well written and entirely credible. Abby is very believable here- she is fallible! But I still hope you're going to think about EJ!!
Comment Written 01-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2023
-
Still holding out hope for Abby and E.J., huh? We shall see. Thanks for the good review, Sarah.
-
Yes, holding on there!
Comment from lancellot
Another nice Abby chapter. I do have a few suggestions for you.
notes:
All of a sudden, the cork flew up from the bottle and hit me in the forehead, and the champagne started shooting up and drenched my blouse. I shrieked.
- Are you sure about this? It was seen coming a mile away, especially after that last chapter.
It's up to you, but I don't think there's a need to have Abby "actually" recount what we already read. You can just say: Abby recounted yesterday's two embarrassing events. Then go into: "That's a great story, but you know what?
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2023
Another nice Abby chapter. I do have a few suggestions for you.
notes:
All of a sudden, the cork flew up from the bottle and hit me in the forehead, and the champagne started shooting up and drenched my blouse. I shrieked.
- Are you sure about this? It was seen coming a mile away, especially after that last chapter.
It's up to you, but I don't think there's a need to have Abby "actually" recount what we already read. You can just say: Abby recounted yesterday's two embarrassing events. Then go into: "That's a great story, but you know what?
Comment Written 01-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2023
-
That's a great point. The retelling is too close to the actual action. I will take your suggestion. Thanks so much.
Comment from Jay Squires
Poor Abby! My God, I could feel for her. I made a blathering idiot of myself so many times when I tried to impress beyond my abilities. Here are a few suggestions:
Now, I've never opened a bottle of champagne before, and I" [For an interruption, use the double-dash (--), not just the closed quote.]
and shook his head back and forth as he pictured this scene.
[The "back and forth" is a bit of a redundancy since "shook his head" means "side to side". In like manner, you don't nod "up and down", since nodding implies that.]
Finally, Abby's description to E.J. of what happened both times when she embarrassed herself in front of Kenny is too close to the narrative of what actually happened. For purposes of storytelling, you need to abbreviate her telling of what happened by saying something like (but certainly better than), The reader will remember exactly what happened. It doesn't mean that E.J wouldn't respond with something like <"Oh, no! All over you?"> and of course she can then add short "pops" of details like: <"Yes, you could see right through my blouse!" and "I was so humiliated, I couldn't return to the table after I changed clothes."> See what I mean? These are little writing "hacks" that I discovered after many, many hours of over-writing on my own stories. I always try to keep in mind what the reader already knows, and not overexplain something.
I hope you don't take my suggestions as indications that your chapter failed to entertain. No, not at all! It's just that I would pause and remember how I used to do in my own writing what I see you doing in yours. And I think I know how to "tighten up" your prose.
Jay
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2023
Poor Abby! My God, I could feel for her. I made a blathering idiot of myself so many times when I tried to impress beyond my abilities. Here are a few suggestions:
Now, I've never opened a bottle of champagne before, and I" [For an interruption, use the double-dash (--), not just the closed quote.]
and shook his head back and forth as he pictured this scene.
[The "back and forth" is a bit of a redundancy since "shook his head" means "side to side". In like manner, you don't nod "up and down", since nodding implies that.]
Finally, Abby's description to E.J. of what happened both times when she embarrassed herself in front of Kenny is too close to the narrative of what actually happened. For purposes of storytelling, you need to abbreviate her telling of what happened by saying something like (but certainly better than),
I hope you don't take my suggestions as indications that your chapter failed to entertain. No, not at all! It's just that I would pause and remember how I used to do in my own writing what I see you doing in yours. And I think I know how to "tighten up" your prose.
Jay
Comment Written 01-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2023
-
Thank you so much for your excellent suggestions, Jay. They were spot on, and I will rework those sections. You've identified a tendency I do have (needless verbosity), and I appreciate your pointing it out when you see it.