Some Call It Luck
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Some Call It Luck - Chapter 29"A unique friendship affects the course of 2 lives.
10 total reviews
Comment from prettybluebirds
I enjoyed this new chapter of your story. I'm not much of a golf fan, but this story is so well-written that I find myself following it. I look forward to the next addition to the story.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2022
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I enjoyed this new chapter of your story. I'm not much of a golf fan, but this story is so well-written that I find myself following it. I look forward to the next addition to the story.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2022
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Thank you so much. I was worried that this story would only appeal to golfers and bridge players, but it's nice to know there is a wider audience for it.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Well-written and an interesting interlude, although I must admit I know nothing about golf except how Eddie got that hole in one. You don't have Kenny anywhere in your lineup of characters, although he seems likely to become a major player in the story. Will look for the next chapter. Have a lovely New Year.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2022
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Well-written and an interesting interlude, although I must admit I know nothing about golf except how Eddie got that hole in one. You don't have Kenny anywhere in your lineup of characters, although he seems likely to become a major player in the story. Will look for the next chapter. Have a lovely New Year.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2022
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Thanks, Carol. Glad you're enjoying it.
Comment from John Ciarmello
Hi, Jim! This is a great chapter. As you already know, I haven't been following, but it seems stand-alone, and I gathered a good feel for the characters. You write well, Jim. I will try to catch up or start from this point and follow along. Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Hi, Jim! This is a great chapter. As you already know, I haven't been following, but it seems stand-alone, and I gathered a good feel for the characters. You write well, Jim. I will try to catch up or start from this point and follow along. Best, JohnC
Comment Written 29-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Thank you, John. Much appreciated.
Comment from Jay Squires
Another chapter that didn't disappoint. I do like your characters, and I commend you for putting a brief summary of the previous chapters in the beginning and the Character sketches in the Author's Notes. I'm wondering are we ever going to see the relationship between Abby and E.J. develop within a chapter. Early on, (I feel) there should be a physical attraction or repulsion of one with the other ... to establish tension in the reader over what MIGHT happen. But that's just one person's take on it. I mentioned it before, but I really enjoy your relaxed, conversational style.
Jay
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Another chapter that didn't disappoint. I do like your characters, and I commend you for putting a brief summary of the previous chapters in the beginning and the Character sketches in the Author's Notes. I'm wondering are we ever going to see the relationship between Abby and E.J. develop within a chapter. Early on, (I feel) there should be a physical attraction or repulsion of one with the other ... to establish tension in the reader over what MIGHT happen. But that's just one person's take on it. I mentioned it before, but I really enjoy your relaxed, conversational style.
Jay
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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In future chapters we will see more of their interaction and development together, but you bring up a good point that I will need to consider: do we need even more of it than what I have written. I will be writing at least one more draft of this before I decide whether or not to attempt to publish it, and I will definitely be thinking more about this aspect.
This whole story began its life as 3 separate novellas that I decided to combine into one unified story. The first was about Kenny and Eddie, The second was about E.J. and Abby (primarily E.J.), and the third was about Abby. A criticism I have had by my daughter is that it still seems almost like two separate stories (E.J.'s story and Abby's story). I've tried to weave them together more (this is the third draft), but I may have to do more still.
Thanks for your perceptive input, Jay.
Comment from lancellot
Hey, if it's not in the rules then it's all good. As Long as it's just gas. A good chapter. I nice to see more from Abby's POV. She is only twenty so, guys are still new to her, and those hormones are raging then.
I thought is was a nice light chapter, showing good natured fun on the greens.
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Hey, if it's not in the rules then it's all good. As Long as it's just gas. A good chapter. I nice to see more from Abby's POV. She is only twenty so, guys are still new to her, and those hormones are raging then.
I thought is was a nice light chapter, showing good natured fun on the greens.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Thanks. I've played golf with guys who pull Eddie's sort of shenanigans, and it always cracks me up. The character of Eddie is based loosely on a good friend of mine who is similarly loud and sometimes obnoxious, so I had fun with his character.
Comment from jmdg1954
Interesting chapter. Abby, though shy seems to have taken a liking to Kevin, I... I ...I mean Kenny.
I laughed out loud with -
Hubba-hubba. I don't know when I heard that last.
Good chapter. I could be wrong, wasn't Kenny the one EJ called to play some competitive golf with, to earn some cash?
Cheers, John
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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Interesting chapter. Abby, though shy seems to have taken a liking to Kevin, I... I ...I mean Kenny.
I laughed out loud with -
Hubba-hubba. I don't know when I heard that last.
Good chapter. I could be wrong, wasn't Kenny the one EJ called to play some competitive golf with, to earn some cash?
Cheers, John
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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No, it was Eddie. Thanks for the great review.
Comment from Dr. Nad
I am coming to the story without prior knowledge of it. It is very intriguing and inviting. The characters have an easiness about them for not having known each other but a short time and in differing circumstances. Your dialogue is Chrisp and fast-paced. I love the internal dialogue that coincided with the external dialogue. Who says "Huba Huba" anymore? LoL
Thanks for sharing, embrace the love from above.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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I am coming to the story without prior knowledge of it. It is very intriguing and inviting. The characters have an easiness about them for not having known each other but a short time and in differing circumstances. Your dialogue is Chrisp and fast-paced. I love the internal dialogue that coincided with the external dialogue. Who says "Huba Huba" anymore? LoL
Thanks for sharing, embrace the love from above.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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Thank you so much for the 6 star review! This was sort of a humorous chapter. Abby's discomfiture with Kenny will continue in the next chapter, but her good friend, E.J., will give her some perspective.
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For the last year and a half to two years, I have been very inconsistent with my appearance on FanStory. It doesn't diminish my appreciation for this tribe, but I have had a number of tasks that have kept me extremely busy. You are most welcome for the review. I appreciate the joy I had reading and reviewing their work.
Comment from royowen
So, there is a new boy in town, someone Abby is attracted to, and Eddie introduced Kenny Payne, whom she had met at a frat dance and hadn't seen since then, she is attracted so much he makes her blush, Eddie beat his appoments and was club champion, drinks on him, great episode Jim, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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So, there is a new boy in town, someone Abby is attracted to, and Eddie introduced Kenny Payne, whom she had met at a frat dance and hadn't seen since then, she is attracted so much he makes her blush, Eddie beat his appoments and was club champion, drinks on him, great episode Jim, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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Thanks, Roy. Kenny and Eddie are now in the mix of characters. In fact, the first fiction I ever wrote was back in 2016 and was a novella called "Lucky Eddie" that featured Kenny and Eddie as the main characters. Abby was in the story too, as was E.J., but in a fairly minor role.
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Bless you,
Comment from Frank Malley
Freak events play an occasional role in sports, and in this chapter a lesser golfer wins because of a lucky collision with his partner's golf ball. The chapter's three characters are suitably developed within the dialogue/narrative mix, although it might be that even though Eddie is a friend, he could be jealous of Kenny as the better golfer and a guy who has made an impression on Abby. When I read about the magic gold ball in the accompanying notes, the remarkable freak shot became explained and the story now contained a central thread I wouldn't have know about otherwise.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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Freak events play an occasional role in sports, and in this chapter a lesser golfer wins because of a lucky collision with his partner's golf ball. The chapter's three characters are suitably developed within the dialogue/narrative mix, although it might be that even though Eddie is a friend, he could be jealous of Kenny as the better golfer and a guy who has made an impression on Abby. When I read about the magic gold ball in the accompanying notes, the remarkable freak shot became explained and the story now contained a central thread I wouldn't have know about otherwise.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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Thanks for your good review, Frank. I've seen YouTube videos of several holes-in-one made in this fashion. It certainly was lucky, as were the two ones made by E.J. earlier in the story. Hopefully by the end we'll have a better picture of the nature of luck and what role it plays in our lives.
Comment from Angela Wybourne
I like the story, its interesting and definitely surprising. The unexpected elements (like farting?!) keep me engaged. However the sentances can be a bit longwinded, combining too many subjects. Instead of using the word 'so" to connect one sentance to another, how about using a full stop and then starting a brand new sentance? Also try to reduce the repetition. For example in the paragraph below, you have said Abby is bringing drinks to the group, "I decided to bring some drinks out to his group" so its not necessary to say again who the drinks are for. "for everyone in the group"
A little over an hour later, it was almost closing time at the snack bar. I decided to bring some drinks out to his group, so I borrowed a golf cart, loaded it up with a variety of drinks for everyone in the group, and set out to find them on the back 9. I found them about to hit on the 17th tee.
If you shorten some of the sentances, and reduce unnecessary or repetitive description, your story will shine through.
People will be more engaged in the story. They will lose themselves more easily in the scenes you have created. You have ability as a story teller. Your imagination is great. I'm not sure if Abby is coming off as a nerdy math major? But in general its fun,and playful & you obviously know a thing or two about golf. Well done.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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I like the story, its interesting and definitely surprising. The unexpected elements (like farting?!) keep me engaged. However the sentances can be a bit longwinded, combining too many subjects. Instead of using the word 'so" to connect one sentance to another, how about using a full stop and then starting a brand new sentance? Also try to reduce the repetition. For example in the paragraph below, you have said Abby is bringing drinks to the group, "I decided to bring some drinks out to his group" so its not necessary to say again who the drinks are for. "for everyone in the group"
A little over an hour later, it was almost closing time at the snack bar. I decided to bring some drinks out to his group, so I borrowed a golf cart, loaded it up with a variety of drinks for everyone in the group, and set out to find them on the back 9. I found them about to hit on the 17th tee.
If you shorten some of the sentances, and reduce unnecessary or repetitive description, your story will shine through.
People will be more engaged in the story. They will lose themselves more easily in the scenes you have created. You have ability as a story teller. Your imagination is great. I'm not sure if Abby is coming off as a nerdy math major? But in general its fun,and playful & you obviously know a thing or two about golf. Well done.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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Excellent suggestions. Thank you very much.
