Some Call It Luck
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Some Call It Luck - Chapter 23"A unique friendship affects the course of 2 lives.
6 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
A good chapter, very made written and edited. I only had one suggestion.
notes:
I like that you addressed the issue of not going after Abby here.
{I watched her walk away. I couldn't help being attracted to her beauty, but I could never act on it. I'm almost twice her age, and way out of her league in terms of desirability. She deserves someone who doesn't have all my baggage and has a better future in store for him. Plus, I wouldn't want to jeopardize our budding friendship in any way. I'm content just to look.}
But, it does make him seem wimpy or Beta. And he may be. But would most men think 'in their own minds' this way? How about:
I watched her slim shapely frame, long legs and round bottom walk away from me. Hell, I could still smell her sweet fragrance on the wind. I couldn't help but feel two pains; one in my gut and the other in my.... Well, there's no sense dwelling on the unobtainable. I'm almost twice her age, and there's no way she'd want someone like me. Plus, my life is a mess, even if we just hooked up, I would probably ruin her life. Better to remain friends and not embarrass myself.
- This way puts the idea, he thinks she would reject him (He's not that confident yet.) It keeps that he knows she is out of his league, but most men are never content with not spreading their seed, if the could. They regret it on some level, and always want to. Also, is shows Abby's beauty.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2022
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A good chapter, very made written and edited. I only had one suggestion.
notes:
I like that you addressed the issue of not going after Abby here.
{I watched her walk away. I couldn't help being attracted to her beauty, but I could never act on it. I'm almost twice her age, and way out of her league in terms of desirability. She deserves someone who doesn't have all my baggage and has a better future in store for him. Plus, I wouldn't want to jeopardize our budding friendship in any way. I'm content just to look.}
But, it does make him seem wimpy or Beta. And he may be. But would most men think 'in their own minds' this way? How about:
I watched her slim shapely frame, long legs and round bottom walk away from me. Hell, I could still smell her sweet fragrance on the wind. I couldn't help but feel two pains; one in my gut and the other in my.... Well, there's no sense dwelling on the unobtainable. I'm almost twice her age, and there's no way she'd want someone like me. Plus, my life is a mess, even if we just hooked up, I would probably ruin her life. Better to remain friends and not embarrass myself.
- This way puts the idea, he thinks she would reject him (He's not that confident yet.) It keeps that he knows she is out of his league, but most men are never content with not spreading their seed, if the could. They regret it on some level, and always want to. Also, is shows Abby's beauty.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2022
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Great suggestion. I like it.
Comment from royowen
Oh yes indeed, bridge has to be planned better than one's opponents, it's as simple as that and quite often it's just one trick that does it, but the contract you arrive at is just as important. E.J would have to be a natural, there is a similarity to golf too. Beautifully written, great job, it sounds like E.J. Has a real problem with booze, the addiction is physical, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2022
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Oh yes indeed, bridge has to be planned better than one's opponents, it's as simple as that and quite often it's just one trick that does it, but the contract you arrive at is just as important. E.J would have to be a natural, there is a similarity to golf too. Beautifully written, great job, it sounds like E.J. Has a real problem with booze, the addiction is physical, blessings Roy
Comment Written 21-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2022
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For some reason, golf and bridge seem to go together. I've known a lot of golfers who also love to play bridge, myself included.
Yes, E.J. is physically addicted to alcohol and consequently will have a rough time getting off it later in the story.
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Yes I was mentally dependant on alcohol, but God got me through it. It?s been forty years now, the smoking was physical, but that was easy too.
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Good to hear, Roy.
Comment from Kaiku
Well, the story continues to read well and very clean. I am just hoping Abby doesn`t get too fond of this character. Hard liquor with a chaser of beer will get you nothing but trouble. Anyway, looking forward to the next installment.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2022
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Well, the story continues to read well and very clean. I am just hoping Abby doesn`t get too fond of this character. Hard liquor with a chaser of beer will get you nothing but trouble. Anyway, looking forward to the next installment.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2022
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Don't worry about Abby. She rubs off on him more than he rubs off on her, at least in regard to negatives.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nicely written. Good work.
"...dig himself out of the hole he's been in..." - This is the most interesting line, I think. Exactly how does one 'dig' to get out of a hole. It would seem that digging would only either make the hole deeper, or simply 'expand' the hole. But I suppose, a person could worry a side down, making a ramp for scrambling up and out. Still...
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2022
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Nicely written. Good work.
"...dig himself out of the hole he's been in..." - This is the most interesting line, I think. Exactly how does one 'dig' to get out of a hole. It would seem that digging would only either make the hole deeper, or simply 'expand' the hole. But I suppose, a person could worry a side down, making a ramp for scrambling up and out. Still...
Best wishes.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2022
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I've always wondered that too, and what the creator of that expression meant. In addition to your suggestions, I guess you could dig steps too. Who knows?
Thanks for the good review, Wayne.
Comment from Sarah Das Gupta
The two links are now fully established, golf and bridge! It will be interesting to see if Abby's influence can cure alcoholic addiction too?
I'm waiting to see how you manage the next development!
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2022
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The two links are now fully established, golf and bridge! It will be interesting to see if Abby's influence can cure alcoholic addiction too?
I'm waiting to see how you manage the next development!
Comment Written 21-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2022
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It will be a little while before E.J. begins his upward path. He will encounter some bumps and needs to develop some self-awareness first. That will come by the end of Part 2. Part 3 will primarily be Abby's journey to success (with some help from E.J.)
Thanks for sticking with it, Sarah, and for the good reviews.
Comment from Mario PIERRE
It's a fine chapter. Enjoyable to read, although there's not much "action" taking place. But it captivates us because it is a story about people, some broken and in search of the eternal goal:: love and friendship.
Good job here!!
Mario
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2022
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It's a fine chapter. Enjoyable to read, although there's not much "action" taking place. But it captivates us because it is a story about people, some broken and in search of the eternal goal:: love and friendship.
Good job here!!
Mario
Comment Written 21-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2022
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Thanks, Mario. I'm glad you're staying with it. I promise more action to come.